Entrepreneur Athlete's Journey

Rhett 0:00

You're an entrepreneur , you're a business owner . You've represented over 70 different athletes , some top NBA , nfl , motorsports .

Doug 0:07

Folks come to me and NASCAR and they're having marital issues . Like man , I cheated on my wife and I go first years of my marriage . I cheated on my wife .

Justin 0:14

You are your spouse's healer when she says Doug , you're a good man . Transformation oozed over you in that moment .

Doug 0:21

All these moments that were so wonderful and beautiful . That would have never happened had we not navigated that . God put us here to thrive , not to survive .

Rhett 0:42

What is going on Armchair Authentic family ? It's Rhett and Justin bringing you another episode of Armchair Authentic . Our hope is to help you fulfill your God assignments through having real conversations about real life with real people , Really excited . Today , man , we did have a great conversation with a real person . His name is Doug Barnett .

Rhett 1:04

Now , you might not be familiar with Doug , but let me bring you in on a little backstory . Doug is a former professional basketball player , he's a marathon runner , he's an entrepreneur , a business man , and he represents professional athletes across the globe . Some top NBA , NFL , NASCAR and even Indy Motorsports . And to top it off , as a marathon runner , the brother has run the Tokyo , Boston , Berlin , New York City , Chicago and London Marathon , putting him in the Abbott World Marathon majors . And if anything , that speaks to his tenacity , his intentionality and just his disciplined life . We had a great conversation , Justin , with Doug .

Justin 2:01

Yeah , what a great guy and all the accolades that you just said , spot on . But we take our conversation into the direction of what does it look like to be Doug in the everyday ? We talk about his life from growing up as a young boy in such a competitive athletic market with the school system he was in . We even talk about just that coming of age process from a single career minded man and even entering into marriage and learning how to navigate through that process , even overcoming some major hurdles on restoring a marriage .

Rhett 2:35

Yeah , it was a great conversation and our hope here at Armchair Authentic again is to get the behind the scenes stories of really what has been the development process of people's life , of taking them from where they were to where they are now and the decisions they've made along the way . And we did really get into some good conversation , some behind the scenes of Doug's life , and we really do feel , I mean , it impacted me , it inspired me and encouraged me and I hope it does the same for you today .

Justin 3:03

Yeah , so get ready for a great conversation with the one and only Doug Barnett .

Rhett 3:13

It's so good to have you on the podcast , doug . I know , when Justin and I were talking earlier um , it's kind of setting up this interview Justin was like I'm pretty sure I've met Doug before and so is this a ? Reconnect Justin .

Justin 3:25

You know , doug , I don't know , but when I saw your picture , my first words to Rhett was did he go to Highlands at any point ? Because I know that I've met you .

Doug 3:37

No , I remember you . I mean , I'm going way back to . We started going there in March of 07 . So we were at Mountain Brook High School . I was a front rower , so I always like to sit in the front row and Pastor Chris came up to me and he introduced himself and I told him my name . He goes what do you do for a living ? I said , well , I'm an agent . I represent race car drivers and do sponsorship deals and all this kind of stuff .

Justin 4:00

He goes oh , we got a professional race car driving .

Doug 4:02

Our staff and I'm sitting there going okay , like everybody has a professional race car driver , friend , right like all right got it , uh .

Doug 4:09

And then lane called me a couple days later and you know , of course , legit , he runs a pikes peak international hill climb which is like the second oldest race in the world but definitely like the most dangerous . So which was the genesis of a 12-year adventure between lane and I of running Pike's Peak together ? And we won it , I think two or three times , and so what an amazing story there . But anyway , yeah , I remember Justin from way back . God is so good Like I would have never .

Doug 4:38

Like I've won the Indy 500 with Tony Kanaan and Daytona with Mike Wallace and NASCAR and done a lot of cool things , but like I would have never even thought to go to Pikes Peak and to have the opportunity to do that was such a blessing and to do it for 12 years with Lane and put the small team together and be able to kind of walk that path hand in hand . And you know , man watch his commitment to doing that . It's not easy . A good friend of mine is the number two coach at the University of South Carolina , the women's coach . She just won the national champ , won her second national champ , wow , amazing season .

Doug 5:12

We were texting her name's , jolette Law , and we were texting last night and it's like you know , people don't realize what it truly takes to achieve success on an elite level . You don't ever achieve anything great without paying a cost . It doesn't work that way . Factored on race morning at Pikes Peak Lane was the one doing the chapel service and Lane I mean , here's this guy going to run one of the dangerous , most dangerous races in the world . People die there regularly , unfortunately , and that's how dangerous it is . You're going up I think it's 156 twists and turns to 14,110 feet on top of Pike's Peak . It's insane . There's no guardrails , there are no do-overs . You know what I mean . If you miss the turn , we're going to a memorial service in 40 minutes .

Rhett 5:57

I know .

Doug 5:58

Unfortunately , even the drivers I work with , like Casey Mears or Jimmy Vassar , and go down the line . These guys just thought it was the coolest thing in the world . He motivated a group of people .

Justin 6:07

You know a lot of people , but still we still talk about it . I flew out to Pikes Peak and me and a couple of my buddies drove up the mountain . I'm with you . I had no clue . People don't know this . There are no guardrails , there's nothing . And when I got to the top of that , I remember texting Lane and the only thing I could come up with texting is you're crazy .

Rhett 6:30

When you were talking about , you know , kind of going back . What's interesting to me is the relationship dynamic , how God builds his church and he builds it relationally , and the only reason we're really having this podcast right now and being able to have this conversation is because of that initial connect with Lane and Church of the Highlands right now , and being able to have this conversation is because of that initial connect with Lane and Church of the Highlands . And then when I met you , it was 2017 at a Motion Conference , and if you're not familiar with Motion as a listener , motion Conference is , you know over 16 , 17,000 students all across the country converge in Birmingham , alabama , at the what they call it , the Birmingham Jefferson Civic Center , and you and I were just sitting down eating food around a table with your wife . My wife and we were getting ready to launch a church and you and I were just talking . I had no idea who I was sitting next to , by the way , but from that point , you and I just I don't know started following on social . We just started just kind of acquaintance , if you will , just standing and connecting . When we planted the church in 2018 , you and Teresa and your family were such a blessing to us . You guys wrote us a check to allow us to be able to do ministry and , by the way , that seed is still bearing fruit to this day , with all the church moving forward .

Rhett 7:32

So , as a friend , or somebody who moved as an acquaintance to a friend now to just being able to do this podcast , I want to say , first of all , thank you to God for connecting me with Doug , but secondly , thank you , doug , for your investment into One Life Church and what it has become today . And yeah , so I don't know , man , relationships are just so important . It's everything . Talking and connecting and being intentional in relationships are huge . Now , what I didn't realize , doug and you've got a tremendous story . I mean , you know , I looked at your Instagram profile because you've got so much . You've done a good job trying to just condense it into . You're saying man , I'm a Christian , you're a Christ follower . You're obviously a husband , which is the most important thing . You're a father . Everything that you're doing is all about building relationships and chasing moments .

Rhett 8:15

Here's what throws me and that I think a lot of people are going to tune into , is you're an ex-pro hooper . You probably have so many stories of guys you've played with . You know , on a professional level in basketball , you're a six-star finisher , abbott World Marathon majors . You've run the Tokyo Marathon , the Boston Marathon , the Berlin Marathon , the New York City Marathon Wait guys , it keeps going the Chicago Marathon , the London Marathon .

Rhett 8:48

So there's so much to talk about . I know Justin is an avid runner . He loves to run and I give him a hard time for it . I'm a walker . I like riding bikes , running's , just unless I'm running from something right . But what gets me is not only are you've done all this stuff you know , but you're also your story where you've started to where you are . I mean , you're an entrepreneur , you're a business owner , and a part of that business is that you've represented over 70 different athletes , some top NBA , nfl , motorsports , and so when people hear that or they see that , they're looking through the lens of wow , I mean what in the world like ? That's amazing . I think you know . If there's success in the world like people are going to go , that's Doug Barnett .

Doug 9:28

Success is very much situational . So you have to place yourself in situations where success can happen . And the other thing I'm I was very aware of , again at a very , very young age , is that all we're doing in life is exchanging time for dollars . So if I'm going to take the time to go spend two days someplace , I need to be reasonably sure that it's going to add value to me and that when I depart I'm going to say you know , I'm really glad that I went there . The opportunity to sit and talk with you and hear about what you were going to be doing in Idaho , I mean that's inspirational because I think we all I'm sure it was difficult for you guys

Life in Danville, Illinois

Doug 10:08

to make the decision to go . Let's go do this podcast . I mean anytime you're going to embark on something new , there's that , you know , natural apprehension . It's like man , am I really going to do this ? Am I going to ? Yeah , at the time that you know all this type of stuff . So when I sit and hear your story or hear other people's story , it's like it encourages me to go , take a risk . It's always about evolving .

Doug 10:29

My wife and I grew up in Danville , illinois . You know , if you go Google it , it's the you know fifth most dangerous city in the United States and says it's the most dangerous city in the state of Illinois , and but it was a wonderful place to grow up . You know , like and I'm still here , like I'm still in the belly of the beast , if you will I love it here . I have such a great passion for my hometown and the people in it , the good and the bad , you know . I mean that's what makes it special and that's what makes it unique , I think . First of all , I married a girl that was in my graduating class , the city . I had a great childhood there , playing the league , baseball and football and basketball and anything you know . Whatever you know athletic , I did it track , you name it . But being in that environment with such an elite athletic program forced you to be a fierce competitor and if you weren't , you weren't going to succeed . I didn't practice that , I didn't know any different . That's just the level you're at . I mean there there was no like other level , you know , and it taught you that you had to fight sometimes and you had to . You know scrap and you had to . You know it's just a very blue collar way of growing up and , and it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me . I can't think and I've been around the world twice there's nowhere else I would have rather grown up than Danville , illinois , and it's the reason my wife and I still live here . Our children were born there . We've been able to contribute philanthropically .

Doug 11:55

My childhood was interesting because I had and my parents and I are still very close , like fantastic parents , and my dad coached everything . My parents never missed an event . You know . The reality is that there was a lot of internal conflict in the home . My dad , you know , would probably stay out longer than he should . You know what I mean . He probably was hanging out with people that he shouldn't be hanging out with . You know what I mean . It's the story of a million people . Here's my poor mom . My dad gets out of the Army and it moves my mom from Philadelphia to Effingham , illinois . Okay , like population 100 cows at the time . Right , that's a big change .

Doug 12:34

A massive transition . What ?

Doug 12:35

a contrast , like stark contrast , and then they ultimately move to Danville , illinois . So you know , it's funny in retrospect looking back all the stuff that was going on and just a lot of the arguing . And , by the way , I want to be clear , my parents were great parents , I mean I have all great memories , but it impacted me moving forward in terms of how I manage my own personal relationships or conflict resolution and all of these types of things . I received a lot of fantastic guidance in a lot of areas , like I . I mean , I'm the hard worker I am today because of my mom and dad . I do things right . You know I have a passion for precision , if you will , you know .

Doug 13:14

And then growing up growing up kind of in the culture and the friends I were hanging out with it just it was this cocktail of things where I probably didn't get the best guidance all the time and I think , for a lot of years you know if I'm just being transparent I think , subconsciously or not , I held that against my parents . I think I heard somebody say one time , when our children are young , they'll rebel against us and then , when they're older , they'll judge us . That's first of all . It's wildly true , pretty accurate . But two as I got older and I was out running all the time and allowed me the time to process and think about stuff , I had to realize a couple of things . First of all , my dad's father took his own life . When my dad was a kid . My father was largely responsible for , you know , being the man of the house at a very young age . You know , he's 13 , 14 years old or whatever , and he's got to step up . I kind of realized at some point that whatever my dad did or said to me , or the manner in which his message was conveyed because I'm sure he said really good stuff to me , but it was difficult to hear the message over the messenger , right so yelling , and you know , all this type of stuff which was also pretty typical of the time . First of all so I'm always cautious to sound too judgmental , because at the time I was getting yelled at by the neighbors . I mean , that was just , that was normal I came to realize that he was just doing the best he could Like .

Doug 14:34

All he wanted was for my brother and I to have a fantastic life . He didn't . He wasn't surrounded by Lane Schrantz , you know , or Bill Roberts , who's the CEO at Geico , who was one of my biggest mentors , or any of these people that have been around me in my life to kind of guide me and direct me . He wasn't in a situation for success , if that makes sense . So his circle was different than mine .

Doug 14:59

So for me it was very easy to make a transition and see that my marriage was important , that serving God was important , that parenting my children was all these things . So it just kind of registered with me that you know I need to go . Thank this guy . I don't need to be upset because , first of all , despite whatever shortcomings you know he had , he showed up for every game , right , he cared enough to share his thoughts with me .

Doug 15:24

In fact , just this past Christmas , my parents were here and I just , for the first time ever , I started asking them question after question . I mean I asked them 100 questions . I'm like what was your childhood like ? What did you do for fun ? Who were your friends ? Where did you guys go ? What was the relationship like with your stepfather when my grandmother got remarried ? You know just all these things , right , just to kind of start connecting the dots , because here I was , I'm bothered by all these things that maybe happened in my childhood and in my life , never for a second giving thought to what caused that behavior , what even triggered him to parent in that style , the irony being I always say this I always say there's value in understanding the journey of others .

Doug 16:07

But here I was , I didn't understand my own dad's journey whether it's race car drivers or elite athletes I've dealt with that were , you know , problematic at times and then , as you got to know them , you're like I get it . I understand why this person handles things this way and it made it easier for me to navigate situations with them because I knew what was driving their decisions or driving their responses , or why they were even reactionary to certain things .

Justin 16:31

You know I was smiling earlier when you were talking about being from where you were since you were a kid , because I think about me and Rhett . I mean we have been Birmingham boys , even though you know Rhett's journey's taken him away . I've been the guy who stayed in Birmingham my whole life . But it's so funny because we talk about our childhood so much and how it was , and so I'm just interested when I hear about that . Like what was some of those stomping grounds , like as a young , learning , coming of age , learning who you were , learning your abilities as a young boy .

Doug 17:03

Again , success is situational right , and from a very young age , whether I knew it or not , I was always in the situations . But I think internally I knew from . You know , I just remember being in third grade , signing my name one day , and I truly today sign my name just as I did when I was in third grade . I just refined a little bit , of course , but going back and looking at papers , my mom saves everything . I signed my name the same way and I think that it was very difficult to be a leader in my community because everybody was just so good . I don't think I ever started a high school varsity basketball game , you know what I mean , just to kind of create a line of sight into the talent that was there . I mean we had , you know , a lot of our team went on Division I scholarships , whether for football , basketball , you know , pick a sport . So for me to be a leader in that environment , as you can imagine , was very difficult . But I was a pretty good leader of myself . I wasn't a drinker , I wasn't out smoking weed . I kind of knew , okay , I'm not doing these things right , and I just didn't really have a desire to . Could I have worked harder ? Absolutely . Could I have played harder ? Probably not . They were probably looking back . Could I have spent more time in the gym ? Could I have spent more time lifting weights ? I think we can all go . You know , of course , right , hindsight is 20-20 . But I do know like the one thing I feel very comfortable with is that I play it hard all the time . When I then found myself in an environment , you know , this leadership that was inside of me just naturally , you know , came out and I was very comfortable in it with that said , I'm a fantastic number two guy , right , so I'm kind of always the guy behind the guy . In fact , I heard phil klein say , which I love phil klein , if you don't know what mine is , research him . I mean , I've learned so much from phil just listening to him and spending time with him at lane's house one time . But guys , I mean just a brilliant one , him and his great wife Grace , both brilliant , wonderful people . But I heard , I heard Phil say one time and I don't remember when or where this was but he said the greatest realization that God gave me is that , you know , any success I was going to and I'm paraphrasing here but the greatest realization that God gave me was that any success I was going to achieve on a high level was going to come through helping other people achieve success . And I think his exact words is the greatest realization that God gave me was that I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box and that any success I was going to achieve was going to come through helping other people become successful .

Doug 19:41

If you wanted me to be the number two guy , I'm masterful in that position . I know how to manage people . I know how to motivate people . I truly care about people , so I meet people where they are . So anybody that and I used to work like this with the C-suite at Geico you know I would have my conversations with them and then I would be very effective at communicating , messaging and organizing what needed to be done at the team level and the NASCAR sponsorship , whatever it is .

Doug 20:08

And so you know , I think that self-awareness and understanding your own abilities is critical . You know , and I think that you have to have what I've heard referred to as confident humility . Like you're , confident in the things you do , like I know I'm good at what I do . There's an indisputable stack of proof showing that I can't , even if I wanted to say I didn't do it . It's like there it is . I did do it , but I'm humble enough to understand that I don't know everything and , quite frankly , I don't really know very much . But I have the access to be able to get that from people .

Doug 20:44

These moments you're having where you may have a temporary setback , or what people may deem failure to themselves , whatever they call it or if you're struggling in school , it's for sure a part of the story , right , I mean , it's a part of your story , it's a part of your journey , but it's not the whole story and it's not the whole journey and I think that I'm always very confident in sharing . I and I think that I'm always very confident in sharing . I think some people would probably be embarrassed to share some of that stuff , but for me , I know that the only thing that impacts people is transparency , and I think the only way to connect with somebody is like when I have folks come to me in NASCAR and they're having marital issues . Like

The Journey of Leadership and Purpose

Doug 21:16

man , I cheat on my wife and I go . I cheat on my wife .

Doug 21:20

When I first got into my first two years of my marriage , I cheated on my wife . And when I first got into my marriage , I cheated on my wife and they can't believe it . I'm like no , I did . But it immediately opens their hearts and minds to hear what I have to say . So I think you know I try to live my Romans well . 828 , right , which says all things work together for good . It doesn't say all good things work together for good .

Justin 21:38

I'm always intrigued to hear how the discovery process hit somebody , because I know when I'm that age I'm not necessarily thinking about leadership , that I relate to a lot that you're saying like you still go , do what you do , you're , you try to be a great athlete , you try to hang , you got your different groups , that happen , but you're not necessarily thinking in the terms of leadership . And then there is that time that you have that awareness of , oh my goodness , I'm a leader . And then I hear what you say too , that there's this transition . I know for me it was very much like I wanted to kind of be . If I didn't know to call it the leader , I called it the main character , the alpha male , and then you begin to say I want to be the leader .

Justin 22:18

The greatest discovery for me as well was sitting with Pastor Chris in 2001 when he first launched Church of the Highlands . And I'm just , I don't even know , I don't have the awareness like you're talking about then , but I know to ask questions for ministry and where I want to try to go , and Pastor Chris to answer my question he said one of the greatest things you can ever do .

Doug 22:43

he said live your life to make someone else's dreams come true . Love , that that's amazing .

Justin 22:46

That is the secret . It's humility it's like the word you used a while ago and humility I like how you use the word confident humility . So many people think humility is this passive deal , but humility is like it's one of the strongest forces there is .

Doug 23:01

I love what you said that Pastor Chris said . First of all , amazing . May 26th of 2013, . It was my wife and I's 13th wedding anniversary . It was a Sunday and it was the day we won the Indianapolis 500 with Tony Kanaan . I've worked with Jimmy Vassar since 2003 . And Jimmy is such a wonderful , first of all , legendary Hall of Fame race car driver but iconic human being . I've been super blessed to let him , let me work with him since 2003 . And so he owned the team and we always work closely on sponsorship .

Doug 23:31

Well , tony Kanaan wins the Indianapolis 500 on the day of my wife and I was 13th wedding anniversary . Like you got to try this . It's a great way to celebrate . I mean amazing . So , first of all , I knew that she was a keeper . Of course , we're 13 years in , so I'm reasonably sure she's going to hang around . But we're standing in the winner's circle and our team security , which are state uh state troopers , because everybody knew it was our wedding uh anniversary . Because I make a production of everything , so everybody knew it was our anniversary that day they go . What's more exciting ? Your wedding anniversary when the indianapolis 500 and my wife and I are standing two or three feet apart at the same time we went the indy 500 . I'm like we're married forever .

Justin 24:08

Yeah , yeah and eternity like she gets it .

Doug 24:12

That's honest , but the thing that came out of that at the time time we were between our home in Birmingham and here , but of course we just won the race and we were here and I was out at a restaurant in Danville , illinois . It's called Vips Restaurant . It's VIPs but it's not the Ritz-Carlton . It's a cool place you'd want to go to to have breakfast , wonderful people , always a great place . But anyway , this guy comes up to me and just very kind , you know , congratulate . But that's amazing . And you know and of course everybody was tuned in and I was like man that that really means a lot . And you know , he said something that I don't often share because it does make me emotional , because there's so much truth in it . But this would be the first time I ever shared it publicly . But he said you know , it's not just your dream and I think that we sometimes forget the impact that we have on others just by the example we set . And that moved me that day because I didn't even know anybody really cared . You know , as crazy as that sounds , I'm so immersed in my world Everybody's immersed in theirs To have this guy and he's like 80 years old for him to go . Hey , it's not just your dream . I think I made the comment like , oh man , it was always a dream . It's like well , don't forget , it's not just your dream , he was serious , he wasn't saying it in passing , he said it to make a point .

Doug 25:36

You know , no-transcript , everybody that's successful has the same story . I mean literally , you can write a movie script and have the same plot . Everything it's all the same story . It's just relative different parts and pieces . People committed to something , they overcame adversity and they persisted in spite of it . And there's no way around that In life . We're either in a problem right now , or we're going into a problem , or we're exiting a problem . But the thing that's always the same is that life consists of challenges , and so the moment we think that we're not going to have these challenges is the moment we're highly disappointed . And I think that's the reason , like we see people get so down at times , because they're surprised when something doesn't work out .

Doug 26:55

And I always feel like if you're trying to achieve at a very high level , you're going to have those moments . I expect them , and not only do I expect them , I consider it a blessing . I mean , it's like it's cliche We've heard this a hundred times but pressure is a privilege . If you're under pressure , dude , you're doing something that matters . Let's talk about legacy for a minute . Your wife , your husband , whatever your situation is , your spouse , your significant other , your children , your cousins , your neighbors , the people you went to school with , everybody's watching you have the ability to set an example and persist and set the bar high and then effectively , like Charles Barkley told my wife and I a few years ago , we were at a Hall of Fame deal . He's like I'm trying to get to the top and send the elevator back now .

Rhett 27:39

I . A few years ago we were at a hall of fame deal . He's like I'm trying to get to the top and send the elevator back . Now I want to bring other people up . One of the things that just stood out to me , uh , Doug , was you mentioned that if you look at anybody that's successful , there's a common denominator , there's this great adversity or the point of pain , and they choose from that great adversity for those who are successful , um , to be very intentional with turning that pain into purpose and if you're willing to go that road . I know you mentioned a point of pain just kind of in passing a few minutes ago and what would you say has been your greatest adversity in your life , If you could just label one , what was that great adversity for you and how did you overcome it to turn your pain into purpose ?

Doug 28:12

Well , in 1997 , my second NFL player that I had as a client was a guy named Mike Minner . Mike ended up playing with the Carolina Panthers and I was handling all his marketing stuff and he came out of Nebraska and all this kind of stuff . Mike was a devout Christian , but Mike was a guy that wouldn't sit there and preach to you . One of my favorite quotes and I have to paraphrase this because I'm not smart enough to remember every quote , but it's St Francis of Sisi and he says go out into the world and preach the gospel , use words if you must , and I just . That to me is amazing , you know , because I'm a pretty good speaker . You guys are pretty good speakers . We can get up and we can move the hearts of 2000 people . But if those 2000 people are in the concessions line during intermission and we go out there and blow up on the security guard because they won't let us go in a certain entrance , well , everything we said for an hour it doesn't matter , it's null and void . We'd be better off to say nothing and then be graceful to the lady at the concession stand who's moving too slow With Mike . That's how he was . So after

Journey to Faith and Love

Doug 29:13

a couple of weeks together . I'm driving around . You know this is January , february , january 1997 . I'm listening to Tupac and Biggie Smalls and you know all the rap music goes out there and he would always all he would say is like man , why are you listening to that stuff ? I'm like Tupac , what are you talking about ? Man ? Like what language are you speaking right now ? Like this is crazy . And that's all he would say .

Doug 29:34

And then one day we did an autograph signing in Lincoln , nebraska , and I'll never I have a picture of it still , I'll share with you . And we were in the middle of this autograph signing we had kind of had a lull and I go hey , man , you got to tell me about this God stuff I need to know . And he goes no man , I'm not sharing that with you . I'm like I don't understand . He goes go get the Bible , read the book of John . If you read the book of John and you still want to talk to me about God , call me up . I dropped him off in the autograph signing and I went . I forget the name of the Christian store there in Lincoln , nebraska , but I went and bought I have it right behind me , still experiencing God's study Bible . It was $75 . It was like all the money in the world to me at the moment .

Doug 30:14

But I bought the Bible and I that night read the book of John and the next morning I called him . I'm like , hey , man , like I want to talk to you about this God stuff . Man , like I think I need to accept the Lord in my life . I just felt like reading the book of John , he's like no man , you got to read the whole book of John I'm . He starts questioning me about it . I'm like I know all the answers . He's like how are you going to read the whole book of John in one night ? I'm like , because you told me to . I don't know . Like you didn't tell me to read a chapter . So he came over and I accepted the Lord into my life .

Doug 30:48

You know , in that moment and that was , in and of itself , was a game changer . And it's interesting because I was a guy that cussed all the time . Every word out of my mouth was the F word . I didn't know any other word . Like that was just the word I used . And it was wild man because , like , god immediately cleansed me of cussing . It was crazy because that was something that I could immediately point to and go . There's no way I did that Because , like , if I couldn't cuss , I couldn't talk Immediately cleansed of that and I had such a wonderful vocabulary . Anyway , I've always been a reader , I've always been a writer and I'm like here I have this fantastic vocabulary and I've been diluting it for my whole life because I'm talking . It's crazy .

Doug 31:30

That was the genesis of the journey . I was on the path of following the Lord and really was on fire for God Like I would go . Chris Bubach was and I think he's still the leader of the FCA , the University of Nebraska football team . So I was going to the chapel services with Nebraska football team and Scott Frost at the time was like a freshman quarterback and all these guys were NFL draft picks just wonderful culture . And when people look at Tom Osborne and I had the massive blessing to be on the inside of that and see these players who were just wonderful human beings and the Christian leadership that was in the Nebraska football program I mean really one of the more remarkable things I've ever seen in my life .

Doug 32:08

So , in any case , I'm on the right path . I'm studying the Bible , I'm going to FCA , but then I'm still running the streets , right Again , I've never been a drinker , never done drugs or anything , but girls , I mean , you know , just doing all this kind of stuff . Well , you know that continues and you kind of you have your ups and downs and you have all these things happen . But but from a business perspective , you know I'm experiencing great success on paper . My wife and I , you know , reconnect 11 years after graduating high school , hit it off , become best of friends and so we're talking all the time and she's a chemist at Bath and Body Works . I don't even know how to have a conversation with a chemist at anywhere . You know what I mean .

Justin 32:44

Like understanding the . Yeah , I didn't know that job description existed .

Rhett 32:49

You got a baller and a chemist . You know it's so funny , that's awesome .

Doug 32:53

Imagine the vernacular , I mean two entirely different languages , it's like and so talking to her was so intriguing to me because she was saying things like I never heard before . And then she handled herself in ways like I've never seen people handle themselves before , like everything was cool . She's like , everything's fine , like never any highs and lows . It's very consistent and I was so intrigued by this . Well , the net net is we were both in long-term relationships . In fact , I'm still good friends with her ex-boyfriend , wonderful guy . So , to fast forward , they break up and then I end up going through a breakup with the girl I was dating . So then Teresa and I just start talking all the time . Of course , this is before the free long distance . So I'm going to Walmart getting the prepaid phone cards .

Rhett 33:44

You know what I mean . That would date you right there , bro . I love it . Only the OGs know the prepaid phone cards .

Doug 33:50

So I'm getting the prepaid phone cards and we're talking for hours every day . And then AOL is the messenger , which also dates me .

Justin 33:58

But we're on AOL is the messenger all day .

Doug 34:01

Oh yeah , she was on the team at Bath Body Works initiated the Soy Candle Project and all this stuff , but we would just AOL instant message all day . So we're chatting all the time . Just became best buds like a year or so and my cousin was getting married . So I was like , hey , you want to meet me at my cousin's wedding ? Blah , blah , blah . So I ended up coming over to Illinois to do some speaking engagements before the wedding . The wedding was in Marshall , illinois , so I had like four days to kill before the wedding .

Doug 34:27

So she's AOL and she's like you know , hey , you should , you know , come visit me . I'm just four and a half hours away . Well , that'd be kind of fun . You know , like I mean , I haven in the cultures in which we live , I go over there and again , we're just friends . I don't have any romantic interest in her . She's just super cool and great to talk to . I love the things she talked about , normal stuff , nothing crazy . So first night I'm there , we hang out and I get there kind of later .

Doug 35:04

But I remember pulling into her driveway and I was wearing a Jacksonville University basketball sweatsuit . I was good friends with Hugh Durham and then Artis Gilmore is a close friend of mine . So I had this basketball sweatsuit on , socks and shower shoes and I get out and she's standing outside of her house in the driveway and I go hug her . It was like forever . It was a feeling I've never felt like . When I hugged her it scared me . When I hugged her I'm like whoa , I never felt that before . You know , I've hugged a lot of people . I've never felt that type of feeling . So I didn't kind of think anything of it . So we hung out for a couple of hours and it was time to go to bed . So I just go get in her bed . That's just the way I always live . Like you know , you're in a girl's house , just go jump in the bed , you know whatever .

Doug 35:42

So she comes in . She comes in and my wife is a nerd in the purest form and I mean that . I mean it's wonderful . But she comes in and she kind of gives me this look right , she goes what are you doing ? I was like , well , I thought we were going to bed . I'm not interested in it romantically , but in every situation I was in , like you just slept in the same , I don't know . I didn't think anything different . She's like man , there's a blow-up bed for you in the guest room . I'm like oh , oh , okay . Oh , my gosh , I'm so sorry , you know . She's like no , no , you sleep here , I'll sleep in the guest room . I'm like okay , this is weird . Like she goes to bed , oh , but check this out . So the next day she gets home from work she wakes me up . She goes hey , I go , oh , you're going to work . She goes . I'm home from work . Like what time is it ? Whoa , I slept 18 hours . That's how crazy my life was oh my , here I was now removed from everything .

Doug 36:43

You know I wasn't home . I wasn't at the time . I was in jacksonville , florida . I had all these nfl players , so I was , you know , 18 hours . So that's how chaotic my life was . So she goes . What do you want to do tonight ? I don't know . It's ohio state , right , like we're gonna hit the club , we're gonna . In my mind , that's what I'm thinking . I don't say this thankfully , yeah , uh , because what came next stunned me . Uh , but she goes . Well , I was thinking we could go to Barnes Noble and then go to the Cheesecake Factory . I'm like , okay , I don't even know who Barnes Noble is . Is that the backcourt from Ohio State ? You know , it's like the one guard two guards .

Doug 37:20

I don't know . Is it the quarterback in the center ? I don't know who this is and people laugh when I say that , but to be clear this I don't know who this is , and people laugh when I say that . But to be clear , this was on the front end of Barnes .

Rhett 37:29

Noble , the very front end of Barnes . Noble , I have no idea what this is .

Doug 37:37

All I know is I'm really wishing I hadn't made this four and a half hour drive so off . We go to Barnes Noble and I had the time of my life . This was like the coolest place in the world . We're reading magazines and we're laughing and we're talking , and then we walk across the street Again . This is a way of life I'm not even familiar with . It's like I've landed on Mars . So we go to the Cheesecake Factory and you know we're having an amazing time . You know , and I go , you know , maybe we should date . I don't know , you know , maybe we should date . Yeah , I don't know .

Doug 38:05

You know , because it just kind of hits me . I'm like , you know , and she goes oh no , I don't want to be in a relationship . I thought you were just coming here to hang out and you know I'm focused on my career and out of the breakup with Scott , I'm like that was like a year ago . And now I become offended , right , because , remember , I don't want a relationship , I'm focused on my career and I'm like , offended . I'm like why would you even have me come here then ? You know what I mean . I'll be like it's just this whole to this day . She won't admit it , but I will say it was like a Jedi mind trick .

Justin 38:38

Like , so I'm pretty frustrated with that .

Doug 38:41

So we we go back that night . She's in her room and I'm in mine . I sleep for 18 hours again , two days in a row . That's how wild my life was . If you want me to capsulize the craziness that just having all these NFL players and what goes with that and the schedule and the crazy stuff If you ever watch the show Ballers on Max or hbo max , where you find it that's like a documentary people think it's crazy and I'm like , no , that's real . Like all of that is real , uh , and that's really the life that that I was in the middle of . But then the next night we go hang out and I'm like , all right , look , here's the thing . Like this is happening , so you can subscribe to it or not , but we're dating and literally I kissed her . I'm like this is what's happening , so you can subscribe to it or not , but we're dating and literally I kissed her . I'm like this is what's happening . So you know , thankfully she kissed me back and that was it . So the rest was uh , rest was history . And wild story is about three .

Doug 39:39

It was a few weeks after that a friend of mine in new york had some business stuff going on . He's like hey , you got to come up and stay with me and this is an either greater story I have to share with you offline because it's much longer . He goes , come , stay . I want you to come stay with me for a week . I'm trying to do this and you can help me out . Blah , blah , blah . So he gets me a plane to prepaid plane ticket . Right , this is back in the day , like you had to go . This is in 2000 . They had to go to the airport and they prepaid the ticket , all this stuff . So I'm in New York and I am wildly depressed . I mean , like people need to keep an eye on me . I miss Teresa so bad . I had never felt like that about somebody . To that extent , of course , I miss people and you have relationships but , I was sick man and so I would call her every day .

Doug 40:21

You know , we talk for an hour every single day . So the couple of days before I left I called her and I'm like , hey , we should get married . She goes what are you talking about ? And I'm like , I'm serious , like we need to get married . And so she kind of get emotional a little bit , which she she's not an emotional person . And she goes okay , when , and I go next week . So we did , we got married .

Justin 40:42

Nine days later , we dated for like a month and then we got married nine days days later .

Doug 40:44

We dated for like a month and then we got married . Nine days . The whole wedding , the dress , the chapel , the dinner afterwards , the photographer , everything all in was $600 . You know , at that point I had been to so many $500,000 weddings and , like people get divorced , I'm like there's no chance I'm going to spend $10,000 or $50,000 on a wedding . I wanted to kind of give you some context of how that , of her character , how she was so this , a chemist coming into this wild world of professional sports at the highest level , so NFL , I had , like some of the top receivers in the NFL and you know I'm doing all their marketing , all their stuff and I'm involved personally in their lives and you know so our phone phones ringing around the clock and just so imagine being a chemist on the candle team as a chemist , and then the next day it's like pure chaos . But she was a very natural integration

Navigating Relationships and Self-Discovery

Doug 41:33

into that world . They call her mother Teresa actually .

Doug 41:35

Yeah , Again going back to my childhood and kind of the example that was in my home and stuff like that . I didn't have a lot of guidance like relationally . My wife and I have had many conversations with our children about conflict resolution and how you have conversations with people . I don't yell at our children .

Doug 41:54

Bill Roberts , who's the CEO of Geico this is going way back I mean gosh , over 15 years ago at least , probably longer . He's always very calm in every situation . I just always respected that because he's running this . You know , even when he was the number two guy , he was pretty much the number one guy . So you know he's running this multi-billion dollar corporation . He was always calm and collected , very consistent in his behavior . So I asked him one day I go , bill , how do you remain calm in like all of these different situations ? And what he said to me never left me and I applied it to my entire life . He said , doug , nobody wants to be on an airplane when a captain's run up down the aisle screaming we're in trouble , we're in trouble and I , man , that hit me so hard . I'm like that's so true and you know . So if I'm calm , you're going to be calm , and if you're calm , the guy next to you is calm and everybody is calm .

Doug 42:38

So we're , you know we're navigating marriage and you know and I don't quite know what I'm doing I want a family because I had a great experience growing up , despite a lot of the chaos that was going on internally and interrelationally with my mom and dad . We weren't even really aware of that . I think , looking back , it's funny how things stick with you . I can remember almost all of the arguments , the things that were said and that taught me as a parent . You got to watch what you say and I think , because your children never forget it we're navigating marriage and I'm doing the best I can . You know , but unfortunately , given the culture I was in and the way I was used to living my life , I'm still running the streets , I'm still doing all this stuff and I just , you know , to fast forward . I just came home one day , you know , two years into this deal , and I said look , I can't live like this anymore . I've been , I've cheated on you and this is . These are some of the things I'm doing . I can't do this anymore , but I don't know how to not do it . That day was like looking into the face of God , like looking at the face of Jesus , the grace and the mercy .

Doug 43:42

She never yelled , she didn't get upset , I think , as a chemist , being very you know cause and effect , right , pragmatic , like what , what happened here ? How does it never happen again that type of thing ? But she goes where's your heart at ? And I said well , my heart is here , you know . I that's why I'm sharing this with you . I want to be married , I want to have a great family . And she goes okay , then we'll get through it , you know . And but one of the things she said to me and this is a podcast in of itself , okay , first of all , but one of the things she said to me , she goes . I don't understand .

Doug 44:14

Well , first of all , she goes why are you doing this ? Well , you know , I give the 10 year old answer right , I'm like I don't know , like I don't know , Like cause , johnny was doing it , you know . And literally , literally , um , she says to me , because I'm like , well , they're going out and I'm like I feel like I have to go with them . She goes doug , you're , you're an adult , like you can make your own decisions , like you can make a decision to stay at the hotel room , you don't have to go . And she wasn't being a jerk , she was just like could tell that I didn't get this very simple concept and I didn't . It was revolutionary for me . I can make my own decision , like I don't have to go . She knew .

Doug 44:50

The thing I love about my wife is she knows me better than I do , and I think a very difficult thing for us . And again , I had a wonderful relationship with my parents . I still do , and my dad and I are very close and we have a great relationship and I , as I said earlier , I've learned so much from him . But again , just given things that have happened in the home , you know , and it's very difficult to escape your childhood , it just is . To this day I battle it and I consider myself to be very grounded in my identity and who I am . But but she can almost sense , you know , kind of what I was navigating . And she goes Doug , you're . You're not your father , you're not these people you're hanging out with . You're , doug , you are yourself . You want a moment . That changed everything . That changed everything .

Doug 45:33

What she said to me . I have it written down here with an exclamation point on my desk . Okay , she , as she's saying this , she goes , doug , she goes . You're a good man , but you're making really bad decisions . All of these people look up to you , but this is the way you're conducting yourself Like . These are the decisions you're making , dude you talk about . I mean , here I am , I'm crying my eyes out . What she said was true . I'm not the people that I hang around with , or I'm not the mistakes my dad may have made or my friends may have made . I'm me . I have the ability to be different . But to hear her say you're a good man , nobody ever said that to me . I never heard that Dude . That was 22 years ago . I learned a lot that day . And when she was leaving my office , she goes . Well , it sounds like you need to make a decision of whether you want to go hang out with your friends and have a good time or you want to have a family . And I said well , teresa , I want a family . I've already told you that she goes . No , no , she goes . You really need to think about this , because the last time you made a quick decision , it almost destroyed our family and then she walked out In two hours . She took what ? In 31 years or 32 years ? At the time , you know what I mean and just shattered it like this is you're a new man now , you know , and that was really god beginning to cause a massive shift .

Doug 46:55

One of the interesting things that happened was in 2003 , I think it was , the carolina panthers went to the super bowl and we had a home in charlotte as well at the time , and so we we were down there . Well , we were up here and my pastor in Charlotte called Mike Minner , who is my second client , my marketing management company . We went to church together in Charlotte and he goes hey , are you going to the Superbowl with Mike ? I go . His name was Pastor Price . I go no , pastor Price , I'm not going , I'm going to you know . Well , actually we'll probably be in Charlotte . And he goes oh , terrific , he goes . I want you to speak to our church . We're going to watch the Super Bowl as a church because Mike's playing and then at halftime it's an extended halftime we'd love for you to speak to the church and I'm like oh , love to . Of course , I do it all the time he goes , but I want you to talk about your infidelity . And I went whoa , I ain't doing that , you know what ?

Doug 47:42

I mean like not a chance and he goes . Doug , he goes . People need to hear your story . He's like you and Teresa have been so inspiring . He's going through this whole thing . You know I go . Well , I appreciate your kind words Because of course we consulted him , you know , as we were going through it .

Doug 47:55

So we get off the phone and Teresa goes what was that about , you know ? And I'm like well , I tell her the story . And she Like are you not going to do it ? I go , no , I'm not going to , there's no chance , I don't want anybody to know about that . And he had told me on the phone . He goes Doug , I think there's more people in the church dealing with infidelity than you can imagine and your story needs to be shared because people need hope and too many people don't share it and they don't know there's hope that they can actually get through it .

Navigating Adversity and Growth in Relationships

Doug 48:27

So Teresa , of course course , says the same thing , and then she's like you have to call him back . You have to do it . If you don't do it , that's selfish . I call him back and I do it . I end up crying through the whole thing . But the one thing I learned through that in terms of being able to navigate a situation like that just in case anybody needs to hear this or anybody's going through it is it's biblical and you seek wise counsel .

Doug 48:44

I had a conversation with Artis Gilmore , and Artis is one of my very best friends and Artis played in the NBA for 15 years in the Basketball Hall of Fame , you know , legendary , iconic player , and he and his wife have now been married for like 65 years , which I mean wow , you know to make it an NBA career like that . So I don't need to tell you they , you know , likely faced a lot of challenges of their own Right and we met with our pastors and then you know the motor racing outreach chaplain , just all these different people that played a role in it , and and we got through it gracefully . I then told Teresa I'm like and we had DJ already and Lauren was on her way , and I'm like you guys got to travel with me every week . I don't want to be hanging out in a club or I don't want to make these decisions . I need to protect me from myself , right ? Just ?

Rhett 49:25

accountability so good .

Doug 49:27

So her and then Lauren was born , and then , from the time Lauren was three or four weeks old , they went to 38 races a year . They went to every single race . So we're flying around the world with two infants and in all the entire NASCAR circuit . But what happened was ? I have amazing photos . I have a picture my son DJ works for me now . Was I have amazing photos ? I have a picture , my son DJ works for me now . But I have a picture when he was like two years old . I'm holding him in the infield at Rockingham , wow , wow .

Doug 49:55

So all these moments that were so wonderful and beautiful , that would have never happened had we not navigated that . People always ask me do you wish you wouldn't have cheated on your wife ? Yeah , I'd love to not stand on the stage and tell a thousand people I'm a dirtbag for sure . Right , like you know . I'd love to be able to say I made better decisions . But , man , there's no way I'd change any of that , because I can tell you , if we didn't go through that , there's no chance we'd become that close . Have those experiences ? Today's society is so based on sexual relationships . It's all emotion . When your relationship is based off of an emotion , good luck , I'm not saying it's impossible .

Doug 50:33

People have done it , I'm sure , but I just say for us , there's no way that we're sitting here nearly 24 years in if not for that foundation of friendship and , frankly , my wife's commitment to not even our marriage , but her commitment to me personally to go . You're a good man , you're better than that .

Rhett 50:54

So much to be said on this story . Teresa is obviously a strong , brave , courageous , faith-filled woman of God who has just , whether she knew it or not , the Holy Spirit was speaking through her in that moment , through that adversity , and it's amazing to see the intentionality that came out of it with y'all's both of your decisions and how you overcame that adversity and become the men and women of God and successful things that you're doing today and the way that you're ministering to so many people . It's awesome , it's very inspiring . So I'm very grateful for our time today .

Justin 51:24

Yeah , and even here , when you talk about what Teresa said to you , that I mean talk about a main point of this entire deal . I think about Jimmy Evans , who is the founder of XO Marriage , a longtime pastor , and I heard him . Me and my wife would always listen to his CDs back when CDs , if you're listening a .

Justin 51:43

CD is something we used to put in to listen to something . Cds if you're listening . A CD is something we used to put in to listen to something . But he said one time talking to spouses . He said that you are your spouse's healer .

Doug 51:54

And when I heard you say that .

Justin 51:57

I could hear the conviction and like I'm over here feeling the emotions of it , Because when she says , Doug , you're a good man , like the transformation that just oozed over you in that moment . And now she called that out in you and God used her . Because now you're going to these different NBA player , NASCAR , whoever it is , and all the different spheres of influence you're in , and you're saying something to them that everybody who's listening would think they are the most confident people . And you say one little thing like hey , buddy , you're a good guy . And you're getting to see the same healing take place on these individuals . And if our audience has even just another takeaway , it's the power of the affirmation that we walk in it's Proverbs 18 , 21 .

Rhett 52:45

The power of life and death is in the power of the tongue right .

Justin 52:49

Romans 8 , 28 , which is your verse . I see why that's so powerful , how he took all this bad and he turned it into good . Yeah , it's amazing . Well , doug , I'm with you in the 24 Club . We're coming up April , we're hitting 24 years , so it's easy to remember your anniversary because we just have to know what year we're in , right ?

Doug 53:11

24 anniversary coming up .

Justin 53:12

Another thing that you say is Barnes Noble . We just talked about that last episode , how it was the big deal to go sit in Barnes Noble , read some books and magazines and have a date and share a coffee .

Doug 53:26

So I'm feeling you on all of this , yeah , but Justin's like 28 years old right , I'm hanging out with Doug .

Justin 53:34

More Thanks for this connection .

Rhett 53:36

Rhett Me and Doug he's already my new best friend , is there anything that you would like to add or say before we close this incredible conversation ?

Doug 53:43

I think that , as we live our lives , what I know to be absolutely true is God put us here to thrive , not to survive Like we're here to win , period . Now , that doesn't mean you go win a race or win a . It means you're going to be the best husband you can be and then commit to evolving . Put yourself in situations where success can happen . So be present , show up and put yourself around people that are operating on a high level . You know , the opportunity of a lifetime is in the lifetime of the opportunity . It's not there forever . You know , if you sit on it for two years , that opportunity has moved on to somebody else . Right now is the right time . Those are just some , you know , some strong , parting thoughts .

Justin 54:20

Doug , where can people find you on socials ?

Doug 54:23

find you on socials Instagram and LinkedIn and Twitter . So I'm on Instagram at D Barnett , d B A R N E T T E , and then Twitter at Doug Barnett . Just my name D O U G B A R N E T T E .

Rhett 54:40

Excellent . Well , Doug , it's been a great conversation . Thank you so much for your time .

Doug 54:49

I appreciate you guys doing this podcast . I've listened to your other episodes . I mean it's such a blessing , it's fantastic . I mean I'm I'm super excited to watch it evolve and see it reach people and just the comfortability you have listening

Rate, Review, and Engage With Us

Doug 54:57

to it , like I kind of feel like I'm there with you guys . I'm kind of I'm kind of mad that I'm not . You know what I mean . Like it's like you guys kind of have that environment conversationally that just makes people want to be in the room with you and I think that there's a lot to be said for that .

Justin 55:13

Thank you for listening to Armchair Authentic with Rhett and Justin . All right , stop . Would you take a moment and rate and review our podcast ? It's so helpful to get this out to people who have not heard this yet and we want them on this journey with us . Now bring in the beat that's right , justin .

Rhett 55:32

We absolutely want you , our listener , our family , our audience to join us in on this journey , and you can do so by following us at facebook or instagram , at armchair authentic or x , formerly known as twitter , at armchair Authentic or X , formerly known as Twitter , at Armchair Off Pod . And in fact , I want to go one step further , justin and I would love to develop some of our podcasts and content around some of the questions or things you might be facing in life , and the best way we can respond to those comments or suggestions or any topic you would like for us to talk about would be to email us at info at armchairauthenticcom . That's info at armchairauthenticcom . We hope you have a great day and we cannot wait to catch you on the next episode of Armchair Authentic . God bless .