Navigating Identity, Expectations, and Crappy Coffee

Rhett 0:00

It's so freeing to be able to receive affirmation but not wrap my identity around that affirmation . That gifting is not who I am . That's just one little gift that God's given me . It means a lot , it encourages me , but that is not who I am .

Justin 0:12

We create really this false wall of expectations that aren't really there . We see it in our mind .

Rhett 0:18

I find myself continuing to sip on it a little bit , it's kind of like bad gas station coffee .

Justin 0:24

It's a rough back taste it bites going down .

Rhett 0:42

What's going on everybody ? Welcome back to another episode of Armchair Authentic , a podcast with Rhett and Justin . Try to come alongside you , helping you fulfill your God assignments through real conversations about real life with real people .

Justin 0:59

You know I love that you can expect things of people and people can expect things of me . But did you know you can take it so far and people can expect things of me ? But did you know you can take it so far and you can actually get trapped or paralyzed within a false set of expectations , like expecting the sweet and savory tones of an Italian roast espresso , only to get a crappy cup of coffee .

Rhett 1:20

Yeah , some of the things we talk about today , all the way from tennis to golf to what people have spoken over us how to work through some identity issues , if you will , when it comes to just trying to figure out life and who we are and who God's called us to be .

Rhett 1:33

So we hope that you enjoy this conversation , but before we get into it , can I just take a moment and just simply say thank you to every single one of you who have taken the time to rate and review the podcast .

Rhett 1:42

It means so much to us , but more than that , it really is a great way that we can serve people who have yet to join us on this journey . In fact , if you're having a lot of fun on this journey with us , would you take some time to comment on Facebook or Instagram at Armchair Authentic , or follow us on Twitter or what we now call X , at Armchair Auth Pod ? But , more importantly , something Justin and I you and I have been talking about this for a while we sure would like to create some content and some podcasts around the things that you're thinking about and the questions that you're currently asking right now , and the best way that we know how to serve you and to create content that helps you is to hear from you . Would you be so kind to email us at info at armchairauthenticcom . That's info at armchairauthenticcom . Remember to subscribe . We cannot wait to jump into this conversation , justin .

Justin 2:35

It's going to be great , yeah , so just sit back and relax and enjoy your cafe infusion , your edible ink , your coffee tree juice , your warm brew , your bean oil , your perfect cup of coffee .

Rhett 2:52

I'm taking a sip of this coffee . I said we do it together .

Justin 2:55

That Justin made ?

Rhett 2:56

What was the date on this coffee ?

Justin 2:58

January 2024 .

Rhett 3:00

To give some context , I don't drink a ton of coffee at the house and so the last cup of coffee we made was three months ago six months ago . So in an effort to record this episode , we are commencing it with a couple month old coffee here we go um , yeah , and let's take a sip and see what happens . It's uh all right , it's okay .

Justin 3:32

It's okay , it's a little it's kind of like bad gas station coffee when you're driving on a late night and they don't have the manpower to keep the coffee going all day and it's just kind of a little bit of coffee it's got a couple of layers of black stitched burntness to it , yeah .

Rhett 3:50

But I find myself continuing to sip on it a little bit . It's a rough back taste . It bites going down .

Gas Station Coffee and Buc-ee's Discussion

Rhett 3:59

I don't think I'm going to partake on this anymore . I think my sweet tea is actually going to win this one .

Justin 4:10

Man , I'm going to keep drinking it . You keep drinking it .

Rhett 4:14

As I look at this beautiful Magnolia Market cup , it's like oh man , this coffee's got whipped cream , it's got vanilla in it . I did do the Justin special and it looks so good and I'm like go to sip out of this beautiful cup , but it's full of nast . It's burnt nast couple of old and I'm sipping it again . What am I doing ?

Justin 4:36

I mean , it's so true , we're just going back for more . I like it Do you . I like it , even not liking it . I like it because it's comfort , it's coffee , it's comfort .

Rhett 4:48

Do you know me ?

Justin 4:49

It's coffee I'm a coffee fanatic , but I'm not a bougie-only kind of coffee guy . I love bougie coffee , but when I take a road trip I don't stop at the coffee shops like the Starbucks , the whatevers . I will stop at gas station coffees . It's just something I love to do . Matter of fact , this morning , on my way to the podcast , I stopped at a gas station . I love getting coffee from and they just do it right .

Rhett 5:14

You do like the bougie gas stations , I do , and the ones that feel like Starbucks which is going to be good but it's still got to be a good gas station .

Rhett 5:23

Yeah , let's preface Like if you're from the Midwest or the Southwest , you're probably familiar with QT , the quick trip . They are starting to make their way this way . In fact , there's one about 15 , 20 minutes down the street from my house . It's out of the way . I don't go to that one I would love to because it's incredible which is a little bit out of the way and that's a boozy gas station .

Justin 5:49

But then there's another gas station in the south that's taking over . I don't know if it's just a southern thing , but justin turned me on to this the other day . It's called map co or quest , map co , map co , it's not . It's not map quest , let's not get that confused .

Rhett 5:56

It's map co . Oh yeah , so map co . And uh yeah , it's like a , it's like a starbucks star . It's like a Starbucks met Target met QT . Yeah , like in Target , in that just how everything is aligned and in rows and nice and neat and orderly .

Justin 6:15

Yeah , they keep it clean . I like a clean gas station . Clean gas station Because it brings a reputation with it For me with a big family .

Rhett 6:24

on a road trip , we stopped by clean gas stations yeah , it's a big reason why bucky's is a favorite place for people to go . Bucky's is the greatest , yeah , and if you don't , for those who are our listeners , I know we've got a broad audience from people from the northwest , the west bucky is . It is a shopping gas station experience . I mean it's like Target , Walmart , like kind of be like a Fred Meyers but gas station for those in the Northwest Midwest , like a Fred Meyers gas station but like it's got a hundred and something pumps . The place is insane Like Google Bucky , like it's got this incredible like cult following to this gas station .

Justin 7:05

Yeah .

Rhett 7:05

And they're all over the place . Depending on the day of traffic , it could take you 30 minutes to get in , 30 minutes to get out , just because of how insanely massive this place is . Yeah , it's unlike anything else I've ever seen .

Justin 7:16

Great fudge . Go get that sample . You got to get the right person , the right man or woman who's operating that . Their cinnamon rolls are good too . Man , they're generous , they'll give you those samples . If not , they kind of look at you with that snooty look , the kind of wrinkled nose like hmm , stop mooching for the free fudge .

Rhett 7:32

Anything you could possibly imagine . To throw the word Buc-ee's on . In fact , I kid you not . The last time I was in a Buc-ee's it was like Disney World . They don't have Mickey Mouse , but they've got this big . I don't know . Is it a beaver ? What is ?

Justin 7:44

this thing ? Yes , it's Bucky the Beaver , it's .

Rhett 7:45

Bucky the Beaver with like the bucktooth beaver and it's insane . People are lining up in droves to take pictures with Bucky the Beaver in the middle and it's like , are you kidding me right now ? This is insane .

Justin 8:00

As a follower of the cult of Bucky's you're insulting me right now .

Rhett 8:03

No , I love it .

Justin 8:04

Yes , that's what we Buckyites do we take pictures with the beaver ? Okay .

Rhett 8:10

Oh man , I mean like oh my God , bucky the beaver , let's go take a picture We've invested .

Justin 8:15

We've got the plushie toys around the house . Are you serious ?

Rhett 8:19

It's the real deal Down home barbecue like barbecue , like brisket , cinnamon rolls , fudge , like anything you could possibly put into the store . It's there , the marketing , the advertising , the , the bucky , the beaver mascot I mean dude barbecue on the bobby , that's what we're talking in the customer service is legit . I mean , like you're it's , they're so cool , they're so nice , or so . Oh wouldn't , can I help you with this ? Oh yeah , it's my pleasure , and all these things .

Justin 8:45

And what got us on the topic was their coffee is phenomenal . I wouldn't know it is . We're going to go there one day and record our podcast live at Bucky's .

Rhett 8:55

Coming to you live from Bucky's Armchair Authentic with Bucky the Beaver . Hi , bucky , that sounded like .

Justin 9:02

Bucky married Popeye and they had a child .

Rhett 9:10

I don't know how do we even talk ? I don't know With a slight bit of Arnold Schwarzenegger . I mean , like I don't know , it would take me some character development to get into the right voice there . Oh , I need one of our buddies who is a voiceover guy Like we need him to come in and do some Bucky the Beaver stuff . I bet he would .

Tennis, Pizza Hut, and Embarrassing Rackets

Justin 9:32

We did have a good lunch today though we did .

Rhett 9:34

Yes , we had some cold cuts .

Justin 9:35

It was like a charcuterie board that we ate , as we were really getting set up for today .

Rhett 9:47

Compliments today , compliments of you , compliments of the moody high school tennis parents . Thanks guys . Yeah , and to give you some context on that , um , so my son at 16 years old , now he is on the tennis team . If you've been a parent of any type of sports , you know how it works . Um , anytime there's a big event there was a tournament , a sectional is this where all the people in our section of the state come together and they , they battle it out to try to go to state . I wish I had some good news .

Rhett 10:07

I wish we could say yeah we made it to state , but we didn't because this is a rebuild year , for I think it was like 14 seniors last year , so we're rebuilding from freshmen and sophomores right now . Anyway , long story short , go to sectionals . Went and spent all day in the sun , set up a campsite and , you know , got the group text from all the parents trying to figure out what to do , and the leader in me rose up and was like hey , I got this and created assignments . The next thing I know I'm bringing my grill down there , we're setting up tents , we're setting up base camp .

Justin 10:36

You say leader , which you're a great leader , but it was really more of you channeling this OCD side of you , who saw a group thread of a web of different people suggesting we could , we could do this and that and this and that . And you could not just live in that . You had to do something about that .

Rhett 10:56

Yeah , you know I've never been in prison before , but I have been in a group text . You're seeing a lot of suggestions and listen , like all these parents , they're amazing . And so there just wasn't anybody really kind of like organizing it . And so I was like , okay , Lord , I sat there for a minute and I was like I know , I've got the time , I can do this . I don't know if I really want to . I want to see if anybody else steps up , but after about the 30th text that came through of oh , what if this or what if that , what if I do this ? Well , I was like all right , guys , here's what we're going to do . I know how challenging this can be . All of you are absolutely amazing .

Rhett 11:28

But since I have a little bit of time at this moment , I will go ahead and organize this for us , and within 30 minutes we had the whole thing organized , put together , and I used a part of my administration gift that I did not know I had , but the OCD , yes . So we put together this event . All the parents were very grateful and we had a great time , so I had a ton of leftovers . I guess it's the joy and the beauty of you know you throw this thing together and all the parents are gone and you're packing up , right , and I'm like , well , all right , we got the charcuterie , fruit and everything . And so , justin and I , we had all the charcuterie board out .

Rhett 11:58

We were good , we took a little bit more time than I would probably should have just kind of enjoying the food this morning .

Justin 12:05

Yeah , we were talking about bougie .

Rhett 12:06

We were a little bougie in this preparation for a podcast today .

Justin 12:10

We were bougie , that was fun .

Rhett 12:12

Yeah , but my son , if you're interested I mean he won his first singles , first round singles . Lost in the second round singles , first round of doubles . They won that lost in the second round .

Rhett 12:21

But you know how it is when you're , when you're seated low , you play pretty much the number one teams at first , and so that's kind of what we did and a great learning experience , amazing to see my son grow so much man into tennis and it reminded me of our days man growing up around the tennis court , what I call the prison court , I think and other episode , you know , because the fence was literally not mean that the net was literally a fence .

Justin 12:45

Well , I remember what even first drew us out there . We lived in these apartments and there was just kind of a gang of these kids who would hang out and they were very bullish and I would always try to avoid anything like conflict like that , especially if I'm gonna get pain on my body . It's like mm-mm . And so I kept noticing how they would treat other people , so I would try to avoid them and go the other way . I noticed that they would hang out on those tennis courts . So one weekend I'm at my grandmother's house and we're downstairs , she's cleaning up stuff in her basement and she starts pulling out some of these tennis rackets . I said what are you going to do with these ? And she said you can have them . And so I took them . I was so proud of them , these awesome tennis rackets .

Justin 13:32

I didn't know anything about tennis , but now I had a common bond . So next time I'm walking in the apartments , these kids are coming and I don't have anywhere else I can go . So just as a protective instinct , I jump in and find a common thread and as they get closer I say hey guys , guess what ? I actually got some tennis gear . We'd love , love to play sometime . And it calmed them down and they said , oh cool , yeah , come meet us on the court . I said , all right , man , I'll be there . They make their way to the court . I go home to get all my stuff and if you can picture like back in 80s films , you know every time the superheroes or the the fighters getting ready yeah , it has the scene where it shows them putting on their gear . Of every part , I mean , that was me getting my new racket .

Justin 14:02

Oh , man , yeah , arms is boom , boom Headband and my socks Pull them up with the stripe and my shoe , and then I got my racket , and then I went to the tennis court and as I'm walking out there , they just freeze and in my mind I'm thinking yeah , they know what's going on . And I'm getting closer and they just stop playing and they look this is early 90s .

Rhett 14:23

Yeah , this was like 1991 .

Justin 14:26

And at this point I mean context at that point in our life , like technology had come a long way with tennis rackets at that point , Evidently it had Rhett , because I walked out on that court and they looked at each other and it was like dead silence until they fell to the ground , screaming , hysterically , laughing at me , pointing at me with every comeback you can imagine . And I finally started getting things together when one of them yells out like oh my gosh , justin 1970 called and they want their racket back .

Justin 14:58

And then I just start sitting there realizing oh goodness , and I'm embarrassed , they're laughing . All I can do is just turn around and I'll walk off to the background noise of just hysteria . So I decided to go home . I put the racket up , I'm embarrassed .

Rhett 15:13

Well , because the tenant let me give you some context it was a 19 , late 60s early 70s racket . It was completely made out of wood . It probably had about a two foot long handle with probably I don't know seven , eight inch diameter , or you know head on it .

Justin 15:31

I didn't know what an original Martina Navitolova rack .

Rhett 15:35

It was completely made out of wood and the frame you probably pulled it out was a wooden frame with four bolts and nuts on it to slide it into the wooden frame , and I don't know where I was as your friend at this moment I have no idea like you're talking about this story . I'm like where I would have saved you some embarrassment on this one , at least not because I knew tennis , but I was like bro , yeah , I had the same type of tennis racket somewhere in all the clutter crap that I had in my house , that my dad had when he was , you know , in his seventies , right , so they , they railed you for your tennis racket .

Justin 16:08

It's what kids do .

Rhett 16:10

It hurts , it's painful .

Justin 16:11

I took my skateboard as you and I were skateboarders and I took my $20 .

Rhett 16:16

I skateboarded over to Walmart and I bought me a pro connects which , how old were we at the moment ? Take me back , we had to be 13 years old . Okay , 12 , 13-ish somewhere in there . 12 , 13 years old .

Justin 16:28

If you want to age range us and I go get that . And yes , I learned later that's not much in a tennis racket , but where it was from that 1960 special . It was awesome and I ended up dedicating my life to being the best tennis player I could . And somewhere along the lines you start jumping in and you buy you kind of a $20 racket as well . We go out there .

Rhett 16:48

Yeah , I don't even remember the first time that I was at the tennis court with you and those guys , I don't know . I'm trying my best to recollect the memory and to go back and open those memory banks and I just feel like I just remember us always out there playing with all those guys , but it wasn't the case . Maybe , maybe , I don't remember . We well , I had to establish dominance , I think that was it , and then you brought me along at that point and whipped them took over alpha male lead from their little ringleader .

Justin 17:16

Yeah , and we all became best friends isn't it interesting ?

Rhett 17:19

yeah , I was just sitting here thinking about , you know , whether we were 13 or 12 at the moment of just kind of living our life . Most of this was probably in the summer , you know . Um , we wouldn't have been working jobs or dads were doing what they were doing , but we riding our skateboards to Walmart . I mean , that was probably two or three miles away . I mean , who does that anymore ? As kids , it's just a different environment .

Rhett 17:39

I mean , for us to ride our skateboards across the parkway east yeah down the little corridor , work our way through a massive parking lot , carry our skateboards into walmart you know , looking like thugs probably . Oh yeah , going to the tennis racket place and I'm sure the employees were like what are they about to steal today ?

Rhett 17:57

we , our eyes are on you we're picking out , probably still talking like this a little bit you know a little bit lift , believe it or not . I had one , our thief . A little bit you know a little bit of lift , believe it or not . I had one of those A little bit of lift , a little high , you know . And then get our tennis rackets and then go try to learn how to . I think that's not knowing how to play . The only type of sports we had at that time were just what we saw on TV . There was nothing T-Vote . I mean it was having to watch ESPN Sports live in the moment . Oh yeah , andre Agassi was huge , he was my favorite . Mcenroe was massive . Pete Sampras , pete Sampras , these guys , I mean Jimmy Connors , I mean goodness . And so we saw that and we mimicked that and we went out and just tried to teach ourself how to play .

Justin 18:38

We did and we started formulating our own tournaments the TGIC , the Twin Gates East Invitational , Because we can't just go out and have a good ?

Rhett 18:45

time we got to level up at some point and we're like all right . There will be brackets .

Justin 18:50

Everything will have a bracket and we're going to see who the champion is . That's just how life was for us ?

Rhett 18:54

Well , male dominance , the alpha male . We're all out there trying to earn honor and respect , and we do . We fight our way through it and next thing we know we're not that I don't know how great we were , but I felt like we were decent to where we were beaten . We're on our way and , uh , we won't . We we didn't even create our own little doubles team .

Justin 19:12

I don't think we want to say the name of that on the on the air right now . I'm sorry , but we'll , we'll uh , maybe a future .

Rhett 19:18

Yeah , I'll be thinking back to some of the name , but we did . But we took care of business .

Justin 19:24

We did we were double-steamed , me and you .

Rhett 19:26

We did . And that was so funny , man , it's like because we can almost imagine how we're thinking . We didn't even have to really communicate much because it was like I know , you're going there , I'm going here and we're going to take care of business .

Justin 19:38

Oh man , those jokers are going down . I do remember some of the refreshing times of we'd take a break and you could just skateboard or walk over to Pizza Hut . Do you remember Pizza Hut in the early days ?

Rhett 19:48

Yeah , it looked like a hut and , speaking I mean like literally you'd walk in , you had a host , they'd take you to the table , they'd bring the menu out . And it was they had . Would you like the salad bar ? Would you like the pizza ?

Justin 20:00

And that's how they treated us .

Rhett 20:01

12 man , deep dish pizza baby and it was like brought out in like a hot skillet , deep dish style , like you came at lunch , when we did 3.99 , you'd get that whole pizza buffet .

Justin 20:13

Do you remember that ? Oh , I remember that , and then you could get when you get done with the pizza pizza .

Rhett 20:17

You got like the cinnamon pizza , it was like dessert oh yeah , and I remember those little uh , what was the hot pepper cover and the Parmesan cheese things they would bring out , and I'll never forget . I can't remember what joke we played it on somebody , but we would barely . I do not suggest this to anybody listening .

Justin 20:34

This is awesome .

Rhett 20:35

Don't do as we do , you know , like , but we can talk about it . But we were so sneaky , we're like let's take that top off , loosen it up enough . So somebody's pizza comes out and they put it in , the whole thing dumps right on their pizza , and then I would say we weren't christians at that time .

Justin 20:50

so the language that would then follow , in fact the fights over the pizza and the managers being like all right guys , y'all gonna take this outside , you know I just remember that , whoever was the you know the butt of the joke just the pause when the whole thing would fall and fill up an entire slice of pizza , and it was just like they just froze to think about what just happened and you could see the blood pressure run to this white boy's face , just turning from white to red .

Justin 21:16

Our friend , yeah , and then we would , you know , and then we would go back and settle it on the court . Oh , we would ,

Pressure and Expectations From Parents

Justin 21:21

yeah . And I remember one time , uh , one of the guys got a really nice racket for his I guess it was Christmas or something and that really opened us to realize , wait , there's better equipment out there .

Rhett 21:31

And I would have never thought that it would actually make you play better , but it's amazing how it actually does you get what you pay for in a lot of things , that's I mean , being a guitar player .

Justin 21:39

I always played just with average guitar and it was great , yeah , but when I got a really nice guitar , I felt like I leveled up .

Rhett 21:46

Well , the quality of strings are not only on a guitar but on a tennis racket were huge for us . I mean , we went from those little cheap , little nylon type strings to something that was very significant . Well , we had the mall .

Justin 21:57

You know , in Birmingham it was called Century Plaza and you know our parents would drop me in red off for hours and we'd spend the day and I remember we would go to Hibbett Sporting Goods and just glance at the rackets and you knew you'd get to the nice rackets because there weren't strings on them . It was just like the head , and when you bought it you would then have your custom strings put on and you put it to the tightness according to your playing style , whether you're spin , whether you're power , whatever it is .

Justin 22:25

And for my birthday , major day , I wanted a new tennis racket because we had leveled up . I was playing for the USTA by now and my mom ended up saying she'd get me a racket . I don't think she knew what she was getting into , because I wanted this one so bad . I will never forget our racket .

Rhett 22:37

They were like 250 bucks if not $300 .

Justin 22:40

It was expensive and this is early nineties , way before inflation , I mean like this is it was the elite .

Rhett 22:46

I can't imagine how much they are now .

Justin 22:47

Oh , my goodness , it was such a nice racket . But I remember this we're standing in line and my mom looks at it . She pays for it . When they said how much it costs , she just , you know , really made , you know , a reaction to that that I didn't expect . And I just remember that she turned around and said Justin , you do know there's no money that's being put aside for you for college . We don't have that . I live with my dad and she's saying you know , your dad's not going to be able to pay your way through college . And what she was getting at is this money I'm spending right now . She said this better lead to a scholarship . I just remember , in that moment I went from having so much fun to , all of a sudden , it was this new pressure that hit me of oh , this isn't about fun anymore , this is about my future . And it's like I still went and had fun with the racket . But it's amazing how that new mindset got stuck in my head , wow , and I began to buy into that , which fast forward , by the way .

Justin 23:39

Yeah , of course my dad was awesome and he completely . I was blessed to be one of those people who my dad completely paid for college . So , thank you , dad , but that was just as we've talked before . My mom , who was going through her own stuff then , was just dealing with something mental . That was just a reaction she gave , but it was enough as , being her son , very young and impressionable , as we talked before , I took words from an authority like it must be truth , because an authority said it , and I began to have a fresh expectation that I didn't know existed before .

Rhett 24:09

Well , we don't have the ability to really comprehend or understand , sometimes through an adult's perspective , of what they're dealing with and whatever they're dealing with it , whether mentally or physically , whatever emotions they're having to filter through . Obviously that was a lot of stress for your mom at that point . She's wanting to do a good thing , but she's also speaking , probably , truth from hurt in just whatever she's going through and just those those words . Words are so powerful . I know we talked about this in another episode , but Proverbs 18 , we talked about this in another episode , but Proverbs 18 , 21 always remind us that the power of life and death is in the tongue . So we have the power to speak life which produces fruit and life , whether that's encouragement , hope . But we also have the ability , with our words , to speak death , and not not in the essence of like you're going to die , but like the negativity side that she didn't understand at that moment .

Rhett 24:55

Um , speaking to you was hey , look , man , I'm about to put you in a mental prison to where you're going to have to like really go , performance based and feel the pressures of adulthood sooner than you need to , in a way that really kind of brought what was joy maybe into a moment of oh my gosh . Now there's that responsibility , that weight , that heaviness , and now it's no longer really fun . Now it's like I got to do something with this . You obviously worked through that . I would have never known that . I'm glad you're sharing that , because it's interesting . That opens up a whole new dynamic , especially us as fathers , speaking to our kids and sometimes cause she might not even thought twice about it .

Impact of Parental Pressure on Kids

Rhett 25:31

You know , I'm just trying to make him understand that this is a big investment , cause think about it , $250 then might be relevant to $800 now , and when you don't have that , you don't have that and you're like , hey , if I do this , by God , you better do something with it and make the most of this .

Justin 25:44

And to even look what people are going through when people say things to you , it can help you so much more If you can look from the mindset of where they're coming from . And I don't mean that they're right , but what have they been through that makes them react the way they're reacting and it can help us as we process it . Because , like you said , I would have never left Hibbett that day Hibbett Sporting Goods sad . I felt a little pressure but man , I mean I got over that quick and we went out and enjoyed tennis for the next couple of years , playing hard .

Justin 26:18

But it would would , at different times , pop back up as just that foreign voice in the back of my head , just like so many other instances . So the goal I don't think is to say , hey , parents , be careful what you say , like you're going to have to live with the consequence . We do have to live with the consequence of our words , but we don't need to be paralyzed , too nervous to say anything , because it takes both sides . I had to go through a healing process right , we don't have to be on pins and needles , but it still is the fact that , just because something has said to you , you don't have to carry it like we can so easily carry it , because we create really this false wall of expectations that aren't really there but we see it in our mind .

Rhett 26:56

I agree there definitely needs to be a healthy responsibility and accountability that we have , especially as parents , to be very mindful of what does come out of our mouth , you know , of how it can be carried , but not to live on eggshells , as everything that we say is going to affect somebody in a negative way for sure . But I do think it is interesting how that carried a lot of weight for you and I have never known , and maybe that's why today you still have that racket almost in , I would say , pretty mint condition and still play with it today because you have taken care of that thing like nobody's business . And I can't say so much for the racket that I spent , I think , 275 on , or let me rephrase that that my dad spent 275 on because I Because , dude , I had a temper Like the only emotion I ever knew as a kid was anger . And now , looking back , obviously , with the trauma that I've gone through , I didn't know how to express emotions , but I'm at that point now to where it's like , wow , everything that I knew how to express came through anger .

Rhett 27:53

And when I was mad or frustrated I took it out on anything in my way and that . And when I was mad or frustrated . I took it out on anything in my way and that was my racket . Yeah , and I man , I took that racket and it's it's all . It's all the dark side of Rhett . When I hit a bad shot or when I lost , I mean I beat the mess out of that thing .

Rhett 28:08

It saw the concrete for sure , oh it did and I so it is interesting to see the difference in how I didn't really take care of that racket the way I should have and the responsibility but your point .

Justin 28:20

I've never even thought about that , rhett . That is so true . It's in my car right now and we played the other day and I've taken such great care of it , and that's an interesting perspective that there has been this thought of . I cannot let that one go .

Rhett 28:35

I need to make sure I'm getting every penny out of that racket and it's just a different way of you know , like mine was a gift and I appreciate the gift , but I didn't have enough , I guess , appreciation for that gift that I should have , and that's on me in my , you know , lack of maturity at that time . Of course I'm not that way now and I'm definitely stewarding things , maximizing stewardship in every moment of my life according to God's word , and I'm experiencing the blessing from that . But man you know ?

Rhett 29:05

yeah , that is interesting , Even when you were talking about your mom putting pressure on you with tennis .

Rhett 29:07

For me that was golf , um , and it wasn't really spoken in a way , but it was kind of assumed that I started playing golf and I was like seven , eight years old , just hanging out at the golf course with my grandparents and they were military and retired military , if that gives you any context . So they had memberships at golf courses and even though my dad did the best that he did whenever we , you know , would go visit our grandparents , I felt like , wow , these , you know they're millionaires , you know they weren't , but it felt like it . And so I was on the golf course on the side and I was pretty good at sports and just the things that I would get into , and golf was one of those things for me . And next thing , I knew it turned from playing golf for enjoyment , because of something fun , to where you're really good at this and I think you should really consider this because if you do , you'll get a scholarship to college and that opened up the door for , maybe , the PGA Tour and you could be like Fred Couples .

Rhett 29:55

And you know all the guys that you're seeing on TV right now . You know , back in the day it was Greg Norman and all these Payne Stewart , and you know I'm dating myself a little bit with golf , but like that was the and all of a sudden my dream became their dream and then I was just . I found myself just in this place of I'm not really enjoying this because I feel like I'm playing it for somebody else's expectation of me rather than me just doing this for fun .

The Power and Pitfalls of Affirmation

Justin 30:17

One thing that should exist more and more . I don't think we can get enough of it , but it's affirmation . Affirmation is huge . We need affirmation in our life . But with every wonderful thing , I believe that's from the Lord . But from every beautiful gift and virtue from the Lord , there's also a shadow side to it . And so when you think about affirmation , there's also a shadow side to it . And so when you think about affirmation , there's also this other side , as we're talking about expectation , and so you can also be affirmed , and what you have to watch out for is this other spectrum kicks in , where it's not just affirmation Now , it's almost identification . So you begin to be identified by some of those areas that are affirmed in your life where , instead of your value just being grounded in who you are , you begin to stick towards some of those affirmative thoughts that have been handed towards you and you almost become that .

Justin 31:07

I remember one time and it was such a gracious compliment that I received I've always had a gift of really with people and helping people , and what it's produced are great teams , healthy teams , healthy cultures , if you will .

Justin 31:20

And I remember it being called out one time in front of a big staff and it said hey guys , now Justin Bradshaw , if you want to learn how to be a team builder , justin Bradshaw is your team builder . And it was such a wonderful compliment and even in the moment it was , I was grateful . But then now you have to look how you begin to walk after that , because now I'm dealing with people , having coffee with people , but in the back of my mind it's like , okay , remember , make sure you build a team with this and it shifted . It's like the byproduct used to be a team was being built . Now it's like I started going in to build a team and now I need to make sure I'm doing it the way that I did and the shadow side can quickly emerge . And that's in the area of , yes , leading a team or doing something like that . But this can happen in so many ways . I was listening to something interesting from Candace Cameron Bure .

Rhett 32:08

Yeah , From Full House . Yeah , from Full House . Yes , senator , that's Kirk Cameron's sister , right ? Yeah that's right . Right , they're a brother and sister . Which fun fact , and it's just fun . I ran into Kirk Cameron one time in the airport .

Rhett 32:19

Did you really ? Yeah , dude , it was . Yeah , this was , this was . You didn't share that story with me ? No , it was a fun little thing . You know , I was just transitioning between flights . This was a couple of years back and I'm sitting on . There is no way I can let this slide . And so I came over and we're dry . I said , man , I don't mean to bother you , but I said Kirk Cameron right . He said yeah , and I said , man , I'm so , I'm just proud of what you're doing . You know , steps of faith and Hollywood and all this stuff and just way to go . And then at the end I was like bro . I said I know this is so cliche and I said it won't hurt my feelings if you say no , but dude , can we get a picture together ? He's like , yeah , he was so cool , he was so down to earth .

Rhett 33:04

He represented Christ in a great way . We had a just a brother connection . It wasn't even stardom , but it was just like a brothers and brothers in Christ being able to connect . It was a really cool experience . So , whether you love , hate , agree , disagree . Like the man is real , he loves Jesus and he's just a cool dude .

Justin 33:20

Let's just call it out . Let me just call it out If you hate him , you got issues . You come on , man , seriously so moving on .

Rhett 33:30

No , I'm kidding .

Justin 33:31

That's awesome . He's doing great work for the .

Rhett 33:32

Lord , but also his sister is too .

Justin 33:32

Yeah , she is Candace Cameron Bure , Me and my wife . We're big time like Christmas movies , so she went from .

Justin 33:37

Hallmark Channel to Great American Family , great Christmas movies . I love the productions . But she mentioned in something I was listening to an interview , when she got into acting she was going to meet with an agent . But it really wasn't just for her , it was actually for their sister , brooke . They have a sister named Brooke and she was the gifted one . She was very happy cheerleader , full of energy that people had already put on her , like you're the star , yeah , you're this , you're going to be the next , whatever . And so she was going to meet with an agent about acting . And the rest of the family followed and there's , I think , four of them all together .

Justin 34:15

So you have Kirk , we know Candace , there's Brooke that I just said , and there's another name , I can't remember her name . They all go meet with a family or the agent almost with this mentality Brooke's a shoo-in , but let's just see if we can actually get in too . Yeah , they end up taking everybody but Brooke . Wow , and that's what got Kirk Candace all into the entertainment industry . And that was just such an interesting story because she is later given her gifts in entertainment . But it's not to be kind of that TV star , but it's some of the behind the scenes stuff that it wouldn't be what it is without those wirings that you have as a person and as giftset . But so many times , whether it's good , the compliments , you can take something that somebody said and it shifts from being just an affirmation of wow , that was kind and gracious , and maybe even leading to a direction that we let a shadow side kick in and we become defined by the good or the bad of something said .

Rhett 35:09

Well , yeah , I mean cause . The affirmation is is there to encourage you , but you're absolutely . You can receive that encouragement , but if you're not careful , you can begin to identify yourself and begin to like really have identity crisis on . Well , I guess I mean so-and-so said this about me I guess this is my lane I'm supposed to run in the rest of my life . You know , it's kind of well , rhett , you're a worship leader and you're gifted in leading worship and so you're one of the best worship leaders ever , and this is all we see in you . So it's like , but , but okay , and then I had to go down that road of why are there all these other gifts in me ? But ? But yet I guess it's what I'm supposed to do the rest of my life just lead worship .

Rhett 35:43

And I had to come to that fruition of my own self and I'm not . I mean , yes , I'm Rhett , yes , I love God and I'm a Christ follower . Music is just a part of what I get to do , but it's not who I am . There is a plethora , variety , if you will , of just different gifts in me that I can use , and not one is greater than the other . They all kind of work together and I do think it's interesting . Not many people kind of talk about this , but you can really get pigeonholed from great people who speak into your life affirming you in a moment and it's easy to walk in that thing . Well , I guess it's my lot in life and it's a good thing , not a bad thing , but I guess I mean let's run with this .

Justin 36:21

Yeah , you take their snap picture that they saw in that moment and if they have influence in your life , they only have that picture and you put everything you are into that picture when there's so much more . That's why , as we talked in the podcast before , when I had stepped out of a place I had belonged in for so long , that snap picture may actually serve a great purpose to operate in that unique wiring and that unique gifting . But it doesn't mean you lay everything else down , because then you get into the fact you are responsible to steward the assignments he's placed in your life , which might be that little picture , but it's also so much more .

Rhett 37:01

Oftentimes , as I'm sitting here thinking through this and even filtering it through the lens of my own life , I'm literally thinking

Identity, Affirmation, and God's Assignments

Rhett 37:07

there has been times in my life where I long to just have a man , if you will , or somebody of authority that I would look to , to be able to speak a word of affirmation in my life . And when they would , I would just wrap my identity in that and be like , oh man , yes , I got that affirmation . They see that it's in me , so I'm just going to continue to run this lane . But the problem is I'm putting too much stock , if you will , or equity , into a person and their authority or their leadership title , rather than putting my stock or my enoughness , if you will , in God . And when I would put that in man , I would limit myself and God's like , yeah , that's great , I created you this way , but I've got so much more for you . And I wish you would stop putting so much into what man is saying and what you're trying to receive from this person , would stop putting so much into what man is saying and what you're trying to receive from this person and really put it more into what I'm saying and what I want to speak into your life and there's that identity crisis .

Rhett 38:01

Yes , I'd say it's easy to say , god , you're enough , but oftentimes because affirmation is something that I've just so long for in my own life , even though I know God's enough , but I'm like , yeah , but it'd really be nice if I hear this from somebody and really paint my life or put myself in a lane to just pigeonhole that one thing , to continue to get that affirmation and and uh , I just think this is a great conversation to have , because it's so freeing to be able to receive affirmation now but not wrap my identity around that affirmation . My identity is in Christ and while I appreciate that and it encourages me that gifting is not who I am . That's just one little gift that God's given me . Thank you for that affirmation . It means a lot , it encourages me , but that is not who I am . It's a product or a fruit , something that bears off my life from a deeper root , which is my walk with the Lord as a Christ follower and as a child of God .

Justin 38:53

Each one of us are a charcuterie board and if you just get locked on that really good piece of cheese and just keep eating that , you're missing everything else that there is to compliment one another .

Rhett 39:06

Yeah , because the pepperoni and that cracker with that cheese , oh , and then a little salami on the side .

Justin 39:12

And then you get a little bit of that grape and you got yourself a flavor explosion of assignments that God has for every one of us . And that piece of cheese that you've been complimented on . Yeah , that's awesome . You use that affirmation we are here to edify each other . Walk in that . But just realize that's also just one of many assignments and many abilities that you can walk in .

Rhett 39:39

And Justin , that's one of the beautiful things I love about this podcast is because it really is our hope to help people fulfill their God assignments in life , and a part of that assignment is walking in their identity in Christ . Not walking in their identity in man's affirmations , receiving that , appreciating that , but truly walking in who God has called them to be .

Justin 40:04

So just be aware to not be boxed in by the parameters that a foreign voice will try to put on you with false expectation expectation you were never meant to carry and take further than you ever imagined . Instead , take your new tennis racket and go play . Go , have a great time , because you just might be a couple of years away for God to unveil his next assignment .

Rhett 40:31

Ephesians 4 is a great reminder to this conversation , and that there is no greater joy or no greater assignment than when it comes to walking in the full measure of Christ .

Justin 40:45

Thank you for listening to Armchair Authentic

Alright Stop!

Justin 40:47

with Rhett and Justin . All right , stop Now . We appreciate that you are armchair baristas and we know that you won't hesitate to give a rate and review our podcast , and it helps others learn about Armchair Authentic .

Help Us Create Content For You

Justin 41:18

All right , bring in the beat .

Rhett 41:19

Hey guys , if you can't tell by now , justin and I are having the time of our life getting to create these episodes and this content for you . In fact , we'd love for you to join in on the fun . Join us on Facebook or Instagram at Armchair Authentic or on X Armchair Auth Pod . But more importantly , man , we would love to create some content and some podcast around some of the questions that you might be asking in life right now . The best way we can get those questions answered is if you'll email us at info at armchairauthenticcom . Again , email us your questions or the things that you're walking through and like to hear , maybe what God's word says about certain things that you may be facing . Email us at info at armchairauthenticcom . We can't wait to see you on next episode , but until then , have a great day . God bless and we will see you soon .