Small Steps to Big Change

Rhett 0:01

What's up everybody ? Welcome back to another episode of Armchair Authentic , a podcast with Rhett and Justin trying to have real conversations about real life with real people . And today we're just jumping into it a conversation with Rhett and Justin . Well , justin , here we are sitting down together in the studio for another episode of Armchair Authentic , and what's really cool about today is just you and me , man , we're going're going old school how we started this thing , I mean over the past few weeks .

Rhett 0:30

We've been so blessed to have incredible friends come on the episodes and just share their story and really try to get the story behind the story . And that's been a lot of fun man .

Justin 0:39

It has , and we'll get back to it again next week . But we're learning our little formula because we love our hangout time and we also love people learning about the people that we're connected with and their stories . So expect more of us , expect more of them .

Rhett 0:54

Well , a lot of time has gone past and I've had people ask me hey , man , I know you've mentioned the weight loss journey and we haven't gotten an update lately and we need an update today .

Rhett 1:03

And so I mean I'm really , I'm really blown away by it . Honestly , I shouldn't be . I mean , it's no surprise . When you begin to take steps and you're disciplined in it and you stay consistent , over time , what begins to happen . I mean , we preach this , we teach this , and then you actually apply it to your life and you begin to see the effects of it .

Rhett 1:25

So , for those who don't know , back in June I just really felt I was at the heaviest weight I've ever been . You know , and I'm 6'1 and I can carry weight somewhat decently , but I was just , I was miserable man . I'm going to lean over and be out of breath trying to tie my shoes . So in the month of June , I just started drinking a lot of water . I was like I'm done , I , I just started drinking a lot of water . I was like I'm done , I'm , I'm , I'm not , I'm just tired of this . I'm tired of feeling tired . I'm tired of I'm better than this , yeah , and so , and I , and I am , I'm better than this . So , instead of pointing all my you know focus and attention on everybody else , it's like I've got to flip it and put it on me , and I know we've talked about people and so I just started drinking water .

Rhett 2:03

I lost 10 pounds really quick , not doing a whole bunch of anything , just drinking water . And I know most guys if you're a woman listening to this , I'm sure that frustrates the fire out of you . Some reason in guys' DNA we can do that really fast . So 10 pounds dropped really quick . But then I kind of stalemated . I was like , all right , well , I've obviously got to do more , because now I'm just at the 10 pound mark and I'm like I was thankful and I didn't miss soda as much as I thought I would and I'd still just be . Honestly , I still drink probably one a day , but I'd started just water intake , water intake , water intake and I really didn't go like all healthy . On food , yeah , I just was very starting to be more mindful . Portion control , uh , maybe maybe I would . Just I might have eaten one big meal and then like little meals , maybe I don't . Honestly , it was just like I don't want to eat at milo's every day anymore and chick-fil-a every day and eat at home and subway and sandwiches and those kind of things .

Rhett 3:01

Anyway , don't don't get me wrong , because I still enjoy food and I love food . But I just hit it was like 10 pounds really quick and then and then I was like all right , so I got to start . I need to do something . I can't run my joints hurt . You know , I'm 47 . I got arthritis in my left knee you know , hang out with old people . Yeah , you know . Anyway , all that to say . Uh , an update on my journey . I've lost 16 pounds as of two days ago , Amazing bro .

Rhett 3:27

I mean because I think one of the last episodes where I kind of gave some kind of update , I was like I'm at 13 pounds and I can't get by it , I'm plateaued , yeah , and it would have been all I wanted to quit . I literally was like , ok , I guess this is it . I guess this is my lot , I guess this is it . I guess this is my lot , I guess I'm only going to be able to lose this . I can't really run . But I was like man , I'm walking , why don't I just all ?

Rhett 3:52

I began to think of I got to change something , I got to add something , so why don't I just add an extra mile ? And that's what I did . And I added an extra mile , added an extra day . Then I started adding weights into it a little bit more . And and let me say this about weights , I'm talking like five pounds , 10 pound weights , I mean , because I'm like I what ?

Rhett 4:09

I think this is important for people . No matter what you do , man , have a realistic goal . Yep Cause some people might be thinking 25 pounds , that's unrealistic . Well , I , I don't think it's unrealistic . I don't think it's unrealistic . I thought it was very realistic because I was sitting there thinking you know , even if I only lose a pound a month or two pounds , I mean in 12 months , is 12 pounds Right ? And so I'm sitting here thinking if I don't hit that , it's OK , at least I've lost some . But what I'm going with this is I wanted to set a realistic goal and something that I could sustain , and I didn't want to come out the gate trying to walk 10 miles every day . I was like dude , are you that's ?

Justin 4:44

unreal , miserable too . You can't stop , you give up .

Rhett 4:48

So I started walking to the mailbox , then I walked past the mailbox . Then I walked down the street a little bit more than I walked around the street . And then there's a huge hill in my neighborhood . I was like , all right , well , today's the day I'm finally going to tackle this hill . Die a little like I mean , it was horrible and now I'm doing it every day .

Justin 5:07

I remember we'd be on phone calls and you're like , hey , you go ahead and start talking now , because I'm about to go up a hill so I can't talk back .

Rhett 5:14

I was like you keep , yeah , yeah keep talking because you're about to lose me for the next 10 minutes , until my heart rate , and , uh , you might go ahead and call 9-1-1 , because I mean you're breathing so hard .

Justin 5:23

I could have received c CPR on the other end of the line and been saved .

Rhett 5:27

Yeah , really Absolutely , and that's the honest truth . I guess all I'm trying to say is update 16 pounds .

Speaker 3 5:48

And I'll tell you , man , every day when I get to the top of that hill and then I'm starting to come around .

Rhett 5:49

I'm literally telling myself I don't care how lame or cheesy or whatever you want to call it , but I'm like Red , I'm so proud of you . I literally have that self-talk it's way to go . You didn't want to get up this morning . You didn't want to do this . You decided you had pre-decided this moment . Right here , on the top of this hill , walking this neighborhood , you knew that this moment would exist and you hit it . You made it happen . I'm proud of you and that , and literally every day I tell myself I'm proud of myself . When I do it , it's good , I don't beat myself up if I don't . And I mean , when I first started it was like a little bit by a little bit one mile , then two miles , and now I'm up to four and a half miles a day , Um , but it's like six days a week .

Justin 6:18

It's like you're giving yourself these , these positive affirmations , but also , if you can see what I'm looking at , Rhett has a calendar set up where it's one of those calendars . You can just kind of erase it , try to erase it , it's a wall calendar , and so I see the markings that you've done , where you've literally written down every measurable above the actual date , so that you know what is that number , by the way it is .

Rhett 6:41

So I started in June and if you think of a wall calendar , you can see the whole 12 months and I'm looking at the month of june and every day I'd write down how many steps . And then I've got my starting weight and then I've got 6474 steps average in june and I really didn't do a lot of walking and every day I've got my steps . Nice . In july I had 6364 steps average a and I didn't do a ton of walking . That's really when I decided I got to do more , right , yeah ? And then August jumped up to 8,584 steps average and on every day I put a W stands for walk , R stands for row . I've got this . It's really cool , man . It's called the Concept2 Row ERG . I bought it at the beginning of the year and I didn't even start really using it until July because it was like that New Year's resolution .

Rhett 7:32

I'm going to do this . And so I walk and I come in and do this Rho machine for at least minimum of five minutes and then so I just mark it I walked a Rho , I walked a Rho . Then when I started doing strength training , I put I walked , I wrote I did strength training , you know , and in visually looking at it , I'm starting to see like and I'm writing down my weight almost every other day that way I'm beginning to see , wow , okay , look at the progress and look at when the weight began to fall off . It was a month and a half . It took me a month and a half to lose a pound man , a month and a half to break 13 to go to 14 , but then in a week , down two pounds to 16 . And I'm like , okay , wow , I'm feeling better and , yeah , I hope it .

Rhett 8:12

I guess I share this with my friends , my family or listening audience just to say , man , let's , you can do it . I mean , the other day it started raining and it was one of those days , like I knew it was going to be raining two or three days , and I told myself , are you really in this ? Is the rain going to stop ? You , Are you ? Is this the moment you fall off the boat , are you ?

Rhett 8:30

going to get out there in , literally , you know , 630 in the morning . I'm out , I got my rain suit on and it's pouring and I've got , like you know , the drops of rain coming off the brim of my hat just pouring down People in their cars . It's gray outside , the sun's taking a little bit longer to wake up and people are like this guy has lost his mind . But I'm proud , hey , you know . Let me say it's been really nice to get to know my neighbors . I have met so many people . I'm not going to say their names , but literally every day when cars pass me I'm waving and I'm smiling , even if I look like I'm miserable out there walking , and so people are starting to recognize that's the guy with a water bottle that walks every day . So I've even had people go , hey , man , like I've been watching you , you know they'll roll the window down and go hey , another day way to go .

Rhett 9:19

But then the other people that are walking the neighborhood , generally older people . I've gotten to know them and I'm getting to know my neighbors and I'm getting to know their names and getting to know their story , because kind of you know that awkward moment when you know you're about to pass somebody . You know it's so funny man , because like the first day is like hey , good morning . And then by like the three or four days is like hey , my name is in your name . And then you know two weeks in you're like hey , like what are you , where are you from ? You know in the , in these little small interactions , and then sometimes you just like change your walk direction to walk with them , for a minute and just go .

Rhett 9:54

I just want you to

The Power of Community in Achieving Goals

Rhett 9:55

know . There was one guy January he started walking and now he's running five miles a day . And I told him . I said , bro , you have been my inspiration . I've seen your physical countenance change , the weight fall off and hopefully , you know , this time next year I'll be running with you . And I said is there ever a day that you wake up thinking , man , I don't want to do this ?

Justin 10:18

And he said every day something about pushing through man , because I still want us to do at some point , a 5K . A 5K , that's three miles .

Rhett 10:29

Right yeah , just over three .

Justin 10:30

Well , you know , maybe one mile . Let's start with one . Together We've got to run a mile , I'm not .

Rhett 10:35

Even . The other day I jogged for , like I don't know , 20 yards . Nice , I mean , that's okay , I mean . But you know , like I said , I don't , if I started running I would have quit a long time ago . Right , you're right , but I was like , no , I want to walk until I feel like now it's time to jog . I'm tired of walking .

Justin 10:52

I remember when you lived in Idaho pastoring the church . You got into shape and you were actually starting to run .

Speaker 3 10:58

Yeah .

Justin 10:59

And I started encouraging you . You did you , you did . Hey , get ready and we'll come meet each other in town . And then you had the mishap yeah , what was it ?

Rhett 11:05

your man . I was running on the treadmill and my left calf popped yeah , it was like it was like my muscle . Just I don't know what happened , yeah , and then I started limping .

Justin 11:13

I was like nope yeah , and I was gotta be shocking , I mean , when that happens and you're not really even over doing it and you've been I don't know .

Rhett 11:20

I was kind of overdoing it , and that's what I don't want to get into again .

Speaker 3 11:24

I like performance mentality .

Rhett 11:25

I was get out of it , yeah , and I was like , and it was a treadmill run too .

Justin 11:29

So I don't know if that's any different than outside , but I mean either way , it's the fact that you just keep going and you're doing it the right way now , cause it's the same way . A lot of people think you got to go kill it right away , and some people might do that and it works , but it will burn you out fast . Consistency is key .

Rhett 11:47

In church , planning in doing anything new and , first of all , being brave enough to do something new , is huge , and I was just like , if this takes me a year to do this , one day at a time , one step at a time , I teach this in principles through God's word and now I'm applying it in a practical way , but I'm like I don't care how long it takes , but I want to be able to sustain this . I don't want this to be miserable for me and honestly it's not . It's not . I enjoy it . In fact , now I'm waking up and I'm literally my body's like let's go , yeah .

Rhett 12:19

You're like it's a routine . Now I go walk and then I row , and then on the days I need to do strength training , I mark it off the calendar and I'm like , hey , proud of you way to go . And it's just like now I can start my day . In the days that I'm off like this past Saturday , sunday , I was off I was like I even woke up thinking I know I'm off , but I need to go do it . But I was like , no , that you need to rest . But even my body was like hey , why aren't we walking , why aren't we rowing ? Why aren't we starting in the routine ? And I'm like this is a pretty cool feeling , yeah .

Justin 12:50

Yeah , it's a pretty cool feeling . Yeah , that's awesome . I mean , it's amazing what happens when you set a goal , you've written the stuff down . You're seeing more of the payoff in this and hopefully by the end of 2025 , we're going to be announcing 25 pounds of weight loss . There's something about of a goal August 2019 . This has to do with my wife . So we feel like the Holy Spirit is leading us , really primarily my wife to go back to school . So a little bit of background . She is a licensed therapist , lic .

Speaker 3 13:26

I mean , I forget all the initials .

Justin 13:29

Licensed counselor , you know she was a social worker for a long time Birth mother , counselor for like adoption agency stuff like that Tons of years yeah .

Justin 13:39

Helping a lot of people who've gone through different struggles and she's a therapist , licensed therapist for them , getting some credits to maybe even contribute in a school and teach or even come up with , really create curriculum , research , some of the hours that were needed .

Justin 14:00

She decided to go back to school and , as she's doing that , we really felt let's just go all the way , let's pursue your doctorate , and so she started that in August of 19 . And she has worked so hard as a mom of four boys , so many other things that I could obviously say keeping somewhat of her practice , going as a licensed therapist and with a one-year break in the middle as her and I were praying about some things potentially transitioning into some things that we thought the Lord was putting on our heart , and she was just so gracious and letting us really discover that and she let her mind be cleared . But then we got the answer to that and we knew our next steps and we received the clarity we needed in that season . So she resumed . So , as far as time , the past five years , but four working years towards her , uh , doctorate , uh , she , just at the end of last month , she is officially Dr Summer Bradshaw .

Rhett 14:59

Let's go , come on . That's so exciting , dude . She has worked so hard on this .

Justin 15:03

I know for years .

Rhett 15:04

You guys have the sacrifices . Y'all have made the investment , the sacrifice , the investment , the sacrifice , the all the life things I know you guys have gone through , man . I mean , let's go Summer , we're so proud of you . Way to go . The world just got even that much better because of that degree for her to open her up and have an opportunity to serve people in a new way .

Justin 15:25

Well , it's blown my mind just to see her at night during the day , whenever the boys are settled , she jumps in there , she's taking tests , she's writing papers and then having to ultimately write that huge dissertation which they'll end up publishing . I mean , it's just so cool how she's getting all that bound right now . So we're going through that process , but just the fact that is over . It really took such a goal from her to set and stay focused and locked in in many points that you'd want to give up . And now we're kind of getting to enter into this next stage of life that you know when you've had something on the countdown . And for us , once again , she's worked on it four years , but it's been five years in time to now see that done . It's amazing how you accomplish a step and it begins to unlock other steps that begin to light the way . And it begins to unlock other steps that begin to light the way . And we're just pumped because there's a lot of things we have put on .

Justin 16:17

As we talked a few episodes back , putting it on the shelf , the aspirations that you got a shelf . Sometimes there are good things to think about , but you got to look at your priority and we knew our family and there was a priority on what she's doing with her doctorate . But now that that's over , we're able to look at that shelf and say here's a couple of those aspirations we're going to pull off and resume . We've done a lot in the past in marriage ministry and so even us beginning to dream again in that area and some of the stuff that I do with coaching and consulting . She's able to now have a bandwidth to jump in and assist with that again . So it's fun this time of year thinking , oh my gosh , she has worked so hard . But as her husband I'm so proud of her . But I'm excited because we're going to step into new phases of dreaming together .

Rhett 17:10

That's so exciting and what a testament number one to your wife her tenacity , her willingness to be so disciplined to accomplish a long-term goal that in in . She knew it was going to take a long time but she honestly , it wouldn't happen if it wasn't for her discipline .

Rhett 17:26

But also the way that your family served her in this season I mean in a testament to your kids in in parenting your kids and teaching them like , hey man , mama's got a goal and it's not just a mama's goal Like this is what it's going to look like in a few years with our family , and it's going to take all of us to be supporting this Absolutely and then them to see that and to see that success on the other end of that accomplishment .

Justin 17:59

I mean , what a beautiful parenting moment to do for your kids , and she has . The beautiful thing about summer is I can remember so many times walking upstairs cause I might hear the ruckus with the kids , and sometimes it don't matter how present I am , and I'm a very present dad . No one replaces mama sometimes and so she would take so many breaks , so selfless , and I'd see her in her chair and it doesn't matter how old they are , they'd still be laying in her lap just like getting their head rubbed or whatever .

Justin 18:21

And she's such an amazing mom , amazing wife and just to have her accomplish this , I can't describe how proud I am . I never mentioned it earlier in the podcast . Me and Rhett obviously knew about this . I don't ever want to put an undue pressure because I would have been proud if she stopped and had accumulated all these hours . But it is fun because I'll ask the kids at night .

Rhett 18:46

I'm like , hey guys , have you ever had a doctor make you dinner before ?

Justin 18:49

So we're using the word . I mean she won't use it , but we're using the word doctor a lot a lot . I mean , we took her out to a Japanese steakhouse to celebrate the night she defended her dissertation . And we went to a Japanese steakhouse and you know they normally sing happy birthday . They're like is this anybody's birthday ? And we're like hey , she got her doctorate .

Speaker 3 19:13

You know we took that as like a congratulations and they didn't come crashing in with the song Happy happy birthday , but yeah , so I'm so proud , so proud .

Justin 19:24

So if you live in the Birmingham area or if we travel to the area you're at , if you see summer just give her a good old congratulations to Dr Summer C Bradshaw . Summer excuse . Congratulations to Dr Summer C Bradshaw .

Rhett 19:37

Dr Summer , we are now officially putting out our request to you to be a guest on our podcast , so this is the official invite .

Speaker 3 19:45

Send it , brad , that way it won't seem biased .

Rhett 19:46

No , no . So if you're wondering when we're going to hear from her , well , we'll see . So the invite is there , it's out there , and we can't wait to have her in the studio and to hear all the wonderful stories that she can tell from her perspective on it .

Justin 20:00

But that's absolutely , and she she would love to come be a guest and also she would have so much insight , I mean in so many oh man .

Rhett 20:10

Absolutely . I've got so many questions and she can . Oh , we can do a counseling session for me .

Justin 20:15

I Absolutely . I've got so many questions and she can . We can do a counseling session for me . I know that that will be her payment . It's like we'll give you some exposure on the podcast this episode brought to you by Dr Summer Bradshaw . Well , now it's time for the books and all the other wonderful things that come along with it A lot of things .

Rhett 20:34

Stay tuned . There's a lot . Let it happen as it happens .

Justin 20:37

I'm just being prophetic . All I'm doing is speaking to things that aren't in common . You're right .

Rhett 20:41

You're right , so you got a steward steward . Will hey guys want to jump in on this conversation real quick and remind you if you haven't rated and reviewed the podcast ? Could you take some time to do that , man ? It really is an encouragement to Justin and I and , more than that , it is a great way that we can serve those who aren't on this journey yet . Please follow us on Instagram or Facebook at Armchair Authentic , or even on X at Armchair Auth Pod . That's Armchair A-U-T-H-P-O-D , Armchair Auth Pod . Now back to the conversation

Brotherhood and Accountability

Rhett 21:13

. When Justin and I were talking about , you know , recording this episode , we we really were kind of bullet point in a few things , and one of the things we literally just finished up with was our men's group .

Rhett 21:25

And some people call them small groups , life groups , whatever we just call them our you know the fellas .

Rhett 21:31

And it's been dude . I mean , you know , anytime a new season comes up , you know you're always a little leery , not you . I am like , okay , do I really want to get into this ? I know I need it and I preach it and I know the power of it , but do I really want to take that step ? And I'm really glad I did , man , because man just the , the . I call it the sovereignty of relationships , the way the Lord just puts people in your life and he's like listen , thanks for taking this step . I knew you needed this relationship and I knew you needed this encouragement .

Rhett 21:59

And it was just a great hang .

Justin 22:00

We're like what , two weeks , three weeks into it now Into this next new installment because really , for us what it is , it's almost like me and you we were hanging out over coffee anyway and we decided let's jump in whatever's happening anyway , because people are searching at the church that we attend . People are already searching for groups , so let's go ahead and see if any of these guys want to connect . And earlier we talked about it on earlier podcasts you'll hear where we had a group before that we would just hang out and have such a great time . All we did was kind of take a quick little break , relaunch it but then make it available again . Kind of take a quick little break , relaunch it but then make it available again . And we've gotten a few more . So our group of two went from a group of five is now like a group of 10 .

Rhett 22:41

And we're having such a great time Solid guys , man , we're talking just solid guys businessmen , entrepreneurs , creatives .

Justin 22:50

It is the gamut . I mean it is really gamut . I mean they're in sandals and shorts and a t-shirt From . I mean it is really gamut .

Rhett 22:54

I mean , they're in sandals and shorts and a t-shirt From 30s to the 50s age . I mean , I'm in sandals and shorts and a t-shirt because this specific day is kind of almost like a little bit of off day for me , and there's other guys coming in , you know , in their suits and ties and stuff .

Justin 23:07

They're looking good man .

Rhett 23:10

We're all having a good time , man .

Justin 23:11

You can always tell like the creative entrepreneurs are like you , because you'll just come in like you've been at the beach . Well , that's who I am , anyway . I mean you and another guy , one of our buddies . Yeah , he just y'all come in , just looking all cozy and comfortable . I'm like , yeah , that's , is that the dream I ?

Rhett 23:30

mean I I'm not a suit guy , I'm not a suit and tie guy , I'm not a blazer guy .

Justin 23:36

And .

Rhett 23:37

I refuse , I just can't do it . I just can't do it , and I'm nothing against those that do .

Justin 23:41

Man , that's awesome , I get it I pop it on every now and again as a as a as a way to honor a certain moment .

Rhett 23:47

Well , I'm always wearing black too . For the most part , like 90% of my wardrobe is black t-shirt black t-shirt , black pants , black t-shirt . And those who are close to me give me a hard time . They're like all you wear is black , man , you got anything else ? In fact , when I go and teach or preach or whatever , I'm 90% of the time wearing black , and even my pastor , friends and people in Idaho and other places they're like man , you know you're going to come in wearing black like Johnny Cash , that's just who man you know you're going to come in wearing black , like Johnny Cash is who you are , and so I love looking like .

Rhett 24:17

Johnny Cash . I say that to say that I really throw people a curveball every once in a while and I'll come in wearing like a tan pants , with a white T-shirt and they're like bro , who are you ? Yeah , I can't like . This is like Mark the other day . And then when I was in Idaho the other day , they looked at me and they didn't say anything and I said I'll go . Can I speak about what you're thinking about right now ? I wore this to throw you off and they were like , well , I was thinking it , but I wasn't going to say anything . I was like no , it's fine , I wear more than black . I do , but I like anyways so you're talking to me .

Justin 24:50

I'm not a shirt , kind of tucker .

Rhett 24:52

Oh , I can't stand tucking in a shirt , but my goodness .

Justin 24:54

I will just walk in some days and I will have that polo tucked in . Yeah , I mean just no reason at all and it throws people off .

Rhett 25:01

I think the last time I tucked in a shirt was when I was wearing a suit , but I had a jacket to cover it because , you know , I'm like there's a certain point when your stomach is just like it doesn't need to have a tucked in shirt , Not you though , bro You're 25-25 . 16 down , baby , let's go . I would say I think that's probably why I don't like tucking shirts . So I will get there again when you see me starting to tuck my shirt in .

Justin 25:26

You know , I'm confident again You're hitting the confidence level , the confidence is back .

Speaker 3 25:30

Yeah , it's like the TV evangelist , who's huge .

Justin 25:38

And they're talking about you . Gotta live a disciplined life .

Speaker 3 25:40

Can we talk about it ?

Justin 25:41

Let's live a disciplined life before the Lord . Oh man Brother .

Speaker 3 25:49

As their two hands are resting on their belly .

Justin 25:51

Let me tell you about self control .

Speaker 3 26:04

I mean can we be any more ?

Rhett 26:05

authentic , I mean literally . Okay , you know let's you know , I listen man I don't judge anybody and we're all on a journey , but , my goodness , I think we need to talk more about about those , those , those type of scenarios because , man , if you're preaching to me about self-control , well , let's look in the mirror right .

Rhett 26:19

And I'm speaking to myself , I haven't been great at self-control in those areas . I mean , you know , with stress and eating and eating and stress and not working out , I mean it just happens your metabolism slows down , life does . But I just think , man , you know , self-control goes in all directions , just like everything you're telling me mentally or awareness wise .

Justin 26:37

I'm also sure you must be working on this for yourself now , in this other area , surely it's like reading a book that somebody wrote on parenting .

Rhett 26:45

who is not a parent ?

Justin 26:46

I'm sorry .

Rhett 26:47

Yeah , really , I mean , and the people do that all the time they're like they're an expert in and up . You know what I'm saying , that's true .

Rhett 26:55

Yeah , I was literally about to say you get me on a soapbox but the men's group . I got into an interesting conversation with Josh today . I'll say his name . We were just talking I don't know how interesting it is , but it was about parenting and he's got a younger kid and I've got 16 year old and we were just talking about raising kids and I just think I don't know this didn't happen for me . I love my dad , he's a great dad , he did the best , he knew how , and dad shout out to you I love you , but we're all growing and I just

Parenting with Purpose

Rhett 27:23

I don't know , man .

Rhett 27:23

That moment where God let me back up , that moment where we see in Scripture where Jesus is water baptized and then he comes up out of the waters right really before his ministry began . You know it says the Holy Spirit descended upon him like a dove , and then there's this voice from heaven and we have God affirming Jesus and simply saying I paraphrase this is my son , I love him and I'm proud of him , and this is my son whom I love and in him I am well pleased . That is simply an affirmation from God to Jesus and Jesus lived his life in a way to demonstrate the love of the Father and I look at that as a purely parenting moment for us as fathers , the importance of speaking life and affirmation over our kids . And so I was telling Josh . I said , man , one of the things that I've adopted from that point in Scripture was that I always wanted my son , no matter good , bad , ugly , no matter the situation , every night , every day really , but every night when we do our bedtime routine , I want him to hear from me You're my son , I love you and I'm proud of you , even if there were mistakes made and there's some tension and we're trying to grow through some areas . In those moments it's like , despite that , my love is unconditional . You are my son , I love you and I'm proud of you . And we have been doing that routine every night that I've been home . There's never been one night when I'm home that I haven't said that , and it's powerful .

Rhett 28:54

And the reason I want to do that is because I always want my son to know who he is , and so this parenting thought we were talking about is when someone knows who they are , then they make decisions based off that . So I make my . It's like having a vision for your life Right , and as kids they don't . Our job as parents is to create that vision for their life and their future . And if you're a man of faith or a woman of faith , our role is to speak what God says about our kids , over our kids . And I just want my son to know that you're a man of God , regardless of what the world tries to tell you , regardless of what you even think in your mind right now or what you believe about yourself . Here's the truth . You're a man of God , god , and you're my son . I love you and I'm proud of you because when he's because he's 16 , he's a junior , he'll be a senior next year .

Rhett 29:41

We're already talking about college Crazy and it's one of those moments to where he's going to step out of this house into this world .

Rhett 29:49

And when the world hits him in the face with the wide is the road that leads to death and destruction and the craziness and all the other stuff Right , I don't even have to mention , but narrow is the road that leads to life and godliness .

Rhett 30:02

When he's faced with that , I want him to remember hey , you're a man of God , I'm a barden , my dad loves me and he's proud of me . I know who I am and I'm going to make the decision that leads toward life and godliness . Not to say he won't make mistakes , but even in through that he'll be reminded I know who I am and I just want that to resonate with him . And I just think , if you're a parent listening , whether you're a single father , single mother , or you know married family unit , you know blended family I just think it's good to reflect on our responsibility to go . The world's not going to and it's our responsibility to speak into their life and so , sharing that with Josh he was sharing some things with what they do and it was just , it was iron , sharpening iron for one moment . It was encouraging , but it also brought life back to me to go hey , man , I still got two more years of this , I'm going to continue to do it and you know , so I'm excited .

Justin 30:54

And also , when you're thinking about raising kids , we as parents don't have to have the answers , and there are times that people think , well , I gotta , I gotta be able to tell them the right answer . And some of my most effective time in parenting I don't really know what to say , but I do know there's an expression I want to give and you know , I've had one of my boys , for instance , and this ranges from all their ages and there's something wrong and it's really tough and it would be easy to immediately minimize and say come on , get it together , everything's going to be all right , it's not a big deal . Well , guess what ? It might actually be a huge deal to them and I can't just say , no , that's not a big deal .

Justin 31:32

Some of the most effective things I've ever done is when I don't know what to say . I've literally grabbed them and laid on the bed and just let them lay on top and there are no words , there's just embrace and those . You can feel the connection happening . No words are being said , but we are having the greatest conversation and they might get up and whether they act like they like it or not , they get up and they go in there , but it's helping them learn to grieveieve . By the way , whatever this thing that happened was , let them cry , let them get it out , but also let them know , hey , I'm here for you . I'm not going to try to fix this , but I'm going to grieve with you a little bit . I'm as your dad , as your mom . I'm going to hold you in this situation , not to solve anything , but just to give you an embrace so that now you're ready to step back and go into your room , do carry out the rest of your day .

Speaker 3 32:22

Yeah .

Justin 32:22

Those little seeds the next time they're dealing with something . It's that reminder of it's okay not to be okay right now . Yeah , but I do have the strength to actually stand and be steadfast in this moment , because this will pass , but it it not in a way of it's been negated . It's very valid , it's very important what you're going through .

Rhett 32:45

I wish I would have learned that a long time ago . That's something that I would say probably in the past five years is something that I begin to at least gain somewhat of an understanding of how important it is to be able to connect emotionally and I know we say that out loud , you say the words and you already know how important it is . But to actually know how to do it , yeah , because I would have probably been in it , not probably

Authenticity in Relationships

Rhett 33:12

. I was in the camp of hey , man , it's OK , everything . Come on , man , just get you know , pull yourself up . You're going to do it .

Rhett 33:17

I mean , life sucks , she sometimes is going to hit you in the face . You just got to keep moving forward because that's how I live my life . And then , as I began to get counseling and realize , whoa , wait a minute , I don't even know how to process emotions . No wonder I'm parenting that way . And so you know , as I've gotten self-discovery , I'm now I'm able to walk and do that with my own own son or my wife as well . And it's amazing , the difference in the relationship , in the intimacy non-sexual I'm talking about , just intimate relationship , begins to grow when there's a trust , when I can't express my emotions without you trying to fix it or trying to smooth over it , and get me to focus on just keep moving . Suppress it .

Justin 33:55

Yeah Well , what I found is , if you , if you AB test it , the times that I have done what I just described and I just kind of hold them , not saying a word and they go back and there's still going to be the frustration , maybe the noise , whatever , versus me having a short fuse and getting frustrated . And the picture you can imagine is dad standing there screaming in his underwear because he got woke up and the whole house is quiet in fear because I just I just laid down my authority and I go back to bed and the house is like crickets .

Justin 34:32

Yeah , yeah , yeah , you know there's one of those moments . If you ab those , yeah , one gave an instant fix , but one's going to carry a much long lasting effect . That actually carries a lot more power .

Rhett 34:44

Yeah , Well , we want our kids to be able to come to us . We want their heart . We don't want behavior modification . Like a lot of parents , including myself , like at one time , I was all about this performance mentality and I just want my kids to behave a certain way because we want that , like we Right . But more than that I want . I wanted their heart and I wanted the by-product of their heart , the relationship with God , the relationship with us . I wanted the fruit of that to be right Good choices and decisions , whether that's in a public environment or a private environment , or the way they handle their emotions or the way they handle frustration .

Rhett 35:18

And so , as a parent , I've learned now it's like the best thing to do is to be able to go . Man , I'm sorry , you're like that's gotta be frustrating . How are you feeling with that ? Rather than jump to conclusions , yeah , like , how are you feeling ? What are you processing ? Man , that sucks .

Rhett 35:36

I know that that's hard . And allow that in just to be able to connect on the relational level with them , for them to go . Yeah , it is hard , yeah , it is difficult and it is painful and it is something I need to grieve and even even if it's a correction , like hey , I need to correct you here and I just want you to know that the by-product of this correction I'm not trying to tell you how you're going to feel , but you could feel angry , you could feel worried , you could feel anxious , you could well , whatever it is , but like it's going to be okay . It's okay to feel those things , that's natural for you to feel those things and I want you to be able to talk to me about it so that I can walk with you through it . And it's a I don't man . It just builds so much trust . When people can trust you with your emotions , man , I mean they'll come to you , they'll open up to you because you're not judging them , you're walking with them . Yeah , cause this is a friend thing .

Justin 36:22

Everything we're saying on parental stuff , which something , nothing will match the parental side . But the same approach works even with friends , just to listen to them and not negate what they're going through or give something that would make them say you know , you get over it already .

Rhett 36:37

Well , I mean , you know I I kid when I say we got to stop , christian , easing our emotions away . And what I'm trying to say is stop trying to fix people's problems immediately with a quick whip of a verse . You know all things work together for the good of those who love Jesus . I know you just lost your wife and you're not figuring out . All things work Like OK , that verse is true , but now , in this moment , that's not what they need to hear . They know that what they need to be able to do is man , I'm so sorry , I love you and I'm here , yeah , and learn to exist in the discomfort , exactly Because it's going to be very it's going to be very uncomfortable and if you can learn to just exist in the mess , you're helping people way more than you could ever imagine .

Rhett 37:18

Absolutely Now . There will come a time and you'll know it because they'll invite it . They'll say hey , man , what does God's Word say about this situation and this ? They'll really open up and ask you for help and you're like , listen , man , I know this is tough , but I'll just remind you that God's Word does say , as hard as it is , all things do you , that God's word does say , as hard as it is , all things do . It's not that he's he's caused it , but the broken world we live in . Somehow , some way , if we'll continue to trust in him , he can work out the worst painful situations , the ash moment , and make beauty from ashes .

Justin 37:53

It's my story , it's all our stories and we've talked about in a previous episode . You get the setback turned to a setup and that's one of the highlights I have , even in our groups , when we're connecting some of the friends that God has blessed us with that . We kind of have our circle , this group that we're tight with , and you know , I've been there before , you've been there before we walk with each other through it . But you know a couple of them . They've gone through some setbacks in the previous season which would seem almost like man . This is tough and it is . It is , and there was a season to let them to be the friend , to just acknowledge like man , this sucks , man , I'm sorry , I'm even I'm mad .

Rhett 38:30

I'm mad for you , I'm mad with you .

Justin 38:32

I've had some breakfast I've had some coffees to listen to the frustration and I love and I'm honored to be on the other end of the conversation , where we leave , where nothing was settled . It sure is nice not to meet . I'm tempted to always put a bow on it .

Rhett 38:48

It's because it's not .

Justin 38:49

it's like I don't know why we leave in that positive thought I want to leave like , well , I don't remember them talking negative to me , but no , I want to just give them a hug and say , hey , I'm here , that's it . And then here's what's cool . We're getting to see this now . Now you're getting the setup happening , and we've seen it both on these cases . What was a setback ? You're seeing now , them being launched into , I mean , something that matches their wiring completely , and there's that sparkle , that twinkle in their eye again their , their personalities altering back to a way that it always was before .

Justin 39:24

they had to get locked into a previous season and the energy it took to try to pull off what they're trying to pull off . Now you're getting to see them dream again , and not just dream in a whimsical kind of way , but they're dreaming in the sense of , probably , things the Holy Spirit's been calling them to and now they're getting to step into it . So now we're on the other end . We had the grieving convos but because we were patient through that , we're now a part of the wellspring conversations , of what God is actually doing right now and really everything that we're talking about on this last part with relationship I mean that we're talking about . On this last part with relationship , I mean we've got a phenomenal conversation coming up next week with a great friend of mine and now a friend of yours that you're now connected with .

Justin 40:09

And we're so excited we're going to be having Lee T Baker joining us on the next episode of Armchair Authentic . So we hope you just get ready for what he has to talk about , because you will find inspiration and it might even give you some of that encouragement to step out in some of the things that God may be putting in your heart . And you got to assess and audit your current stage of life right now .

Rhett 40:32

Yeah , it's going to be fun . He's a singer , he's a songwriter , he's worked with Grammy Award winners .

Rhett 40:36

I mean , this is an artist , this is artist , this is an artist artist all the way and it's a lot of fun and we've really I'll tell you just if I can speak for a moment on the interview stuff it's been really great to kind of broaden our scope and welcoming people into , you know , our podcast family and making people aware I mean , you know the Jason standards MLB player , you know , uh , mr Talkboxbox in Nashville and what he's been doing and you know , it's just , it's really cool to be able to just meet with friends and be able to share their stories .

Rhett 41:08

And and I really can be honest , some people are probably like well , I thought this podcast was just about you and Justin . Honestly , no , Like it really are relational connections . That's really never been the story . The story has been we want to have real conversations about real life with real people and we wanted to take you on a journey of first getting to know us a little bit more , walking down our journey and our story . And now we've done that and we're going to continue to do that , even like we're doing today . But we also want to be a part of our story and our journey , of the relationships and the people that we've met and the ones we haven't met yet , and to serve them and to serve their story , to serve your story , and that's what it's all about .

Justin 41:50

On the next episode of Armchair Authentic , a conversation with singer , songwriter and artist Lee T Baker .

Speaker 3 41:55

I did have all of these instances and obviously I had been through a huge transition in my life and there were just you know of these instances and obviously I had been through a huge transition in my life and there were just you know , emotions and ideas and things I wanted to express that were piling up .

Speaker 3 42:06

So as I was writing , I noticed like a thread , there's this Chinese concept you've probably heard of paper tiger . It's like somebody who pretends to be strong but they're really not . And so Stone Tiger is sort of the opposite of that and having to like be as strong as you seem uh , in a lot of instances of life , and so they're obviously like astronauts . A song about having the courage uh to to take that step that I did , uh , and all the complexities in my relationships and marriage and life and stuff that came along with it . Um , the night is a song . That's about that anxiety that keeps you up and what it robs you of and the things you really want you know in your life , and you know the dumb stuff . Like you're laying in bed and you're like , dude , am I saving enough for retirement ?

Justin 42:54

Man , we're really looking forward to that episode , but until then , we'd love to hear from you . You can reach out to us at info at armchairauthenticcom . We'll see you next week .