Justin: 0:00

It's called the Power of the Other. We just thought we would throw out what would be the highlight of the book, because I think it would be very helpful to our listeners in the sense of connection, because connectivity, your connection with people, is everything and it's going to determine where you're going. The only reason we're at 50 is we've had the connection with each other. Yeah, we've surrounded ourselves with good people that have kept us in this sense of keep going.

Rhett: 0:24

It reminds me of like a boy band that's put together by like a label that says oh, I found a guy over in Iowa and I found a guy in Oklahoma, and I got a guy in.

Rhett: 0:33

California, got a guy in New York and they all kind of sing separately. But we think they would look good and so let's piece them together in this band. And they only last for so long because they've not had any deep, intricate connections in life and that's why they might rise to fame quickly, but they break up really fast over a couple of albums because they were pieced together and, although it felt organic, it was forced organic and it just didn't last.

Rhett: 1:10

What is going on? Armchair Authentic friends and family, welcome to a special milestone episode episode 50 of Armchair Authentic, a podcast with your friends Rhett and Justin. It has always been our hope to steward our stories in a way that serve you, by having real conversations about real life with real people, and today's conversation we talk about things such as the power of other, as well as what does it look like to have corner four relationships. All of this and so much more is unpacked in today's conversation. But before we jump into that, always want to take a moment and say welcome to those of you who may be joining us for the first time. Man, it's so good to have you along for the journey. However, you found us. We're glad that you're here, and could I encourage you?

Rhett: 2:07

If you haven't followed us yet on social media, would you go to Facebook or Instagram and look us up, click the like button and follow us at Armchair Authentic? That's at Armchair Authentic. Or you can hop on over to X and find us at Armchair Off Pod. That's Armchair Off A-U-T-H-P-O-D. Now, before we continue the conversation, always want to take a moment encourage every single one of you. If you have been enjoying these episodes. Could you do us a huge favor. Could you take a moment to copy the link from your favorite podcast platform and send that to a friend man you sharing? That means so much to us. Okay, guys, now into the conversation. It's episode 50. We're talking Corner 4 Relationships and the Power of Other. You guys ready, here we go.

Justin: 3:02

Well, rhett, can you believe it? We are at episode 50, drum roll we did it.

Rhett: 3:09

Unbelievable man. I can't believe that it's already at 50. I mean, I guess it is believable because we're here but unbelievable in that.

Justin: 3:17

Wow, yeah, it's like week two of 2025 and you know there's 52 weeks in a year and we launched this in February. Yeah, which is?

Rhett: 3:27

going to be why we didn't hit our Two trailers before it launched. That's right, so you know.

Justin: 3:32

Yeah, so really 52. 52. Yeah, and a bonus, episode 53. But now we're taking away the epicness of 50.

Rhett: 3:39

Yeah.

Justin: 3:40

But no, it's true. Episodes, the scheduled, the regularly weekly scheduled episode, we're at 50, man, that's quite the accomplishment. And you know, I didn't know if it would hit this number or not. And I think that we've just kind of locked in and said let's just do this each week and see what happens, and you just do a good work. It's what we talked about last week. We've just stayed steady in the mountaintop seasons.

Justin: 4:07

But we both know there's been a lot of the a lot of the Valley. We are coming up with material in this podcast because we're just having our Valley conversations and you just stay consistent with it and we're at number 50.

Rhett: 4:19

Yeah, I'm really taken back by our friends who have been listening and, by the way, whether we know you personally or you're on this journey, we call you friends because you're with us, man, and so welcome to the living room armchair authentic conversations. But some of our you know what I might say friends we've known from doing life with, will text us from time to time and it's interesting, you know, some of the comments and feedback that I've received. One of my family members said the other day and I might be putting words in their mouth, but this is how I, how I heard it it was something to the effect of you know, listening to your podcast is oddly comforting, you know, and I was like wow, that that's a very refreshing thing to say. Oddly comforting. And she was like it was the way she said it.

Rhett: 5:09

It was like sometimes I have a hard time telling you guys apart, like your voices are so similar. She said, I think for me, I recognize, right, you talk faster and Justin talks a little slower, and that's good because there's a combination. But I don't know, it was just encouraging. And so 50 episodes man and we're just getting started.

Justin: 5:27

Well, I love that word too comforting.

Justin: 5:28

I mean, it makes a lot of sense to me because people who have started this journey before us I have podcasts that I tune into and I'm grateful that I can depend on them, in the sense of if I'm working out or I just want to listen to something, if I'm going for a run, whatever it might be.

Justin: 5:47

I really enjoy knowing that there's going to be an episode release because it's fresh and I look forward to the content. But there is a it makes sense what she's saying. There is a comfort when you're used to listening to something. I think we would both say that we're honored when we hear that, because that's such a compliment that you would be comforted by listening. And I think it just goes into the fact of as we're hitting 50 episodes for every week in the year since February of 2024, you've been able to depend on hearing a new episode by Armchair Authentic and the more you listen and you do feel a closeness when you're listening to the same voice every week. Yeah, yeah, I think it does bring a comfort and that's encouraging to me and I think that would be a hope when we're here talking now.

Rhett: 6:36

Yeah, we're having a great time on our own, but there is that hope that people are tuning in and listening and getting something out of it, even if it's just the comfort of it when I sit down or when I'm talking with somebody, or they're like hey, man, I've been listening to your podcast, and then they'll start talking and I'll start mentioning something like oh yeah, I heard that on the podcast. Oh yeah, I'm like holy moly, like I don't really know you. Yeah, but it's you know me.

Rhett: 7:01

I love it. And I don't say that from a prideful stance, I say that from a very humble stance of going wow, because I'll be talking to somebody. It's almost like I don't have to cover a lot of backstory.

Justin: 7:15

Yeah, so true.

Rhett: 7:18

Which I can, so it's nice. But oftentimes I'm like, oh well, tell me about you. I want to know about you, like what's going on in your life, and so it saves me, which is great. It just saves me a lot of time to have to really set up something with someone. Yeah, Because it's like, oh yeah, you've been listening, you know what's going on, I don't have to talk about it. Oh, I'm married 19 years. Oh, yeah, you have a son, he's 16, he loves racing, and I'm like, oh wow, okay, yeah.

Rhett: 7:44

You know, you know you, you, you know a part of me in here, you know which is which is, you know which is weird and fun at the same time, and it's just amazing how God can use things in such a way that help people and, yeah, even the mundane Valley. That is our life and can be our conversation sometimes.

Justin: 8:02

Yeah, that's right, you right. Well, I think, for us, what keeps us on this we've said it before, and I can't speak for every person who's a podcaster or a pastor or a CEO, a communicator, who has to come up with something every week, I know for us it's the power of connection that's even allowed us to even be successful, in the sense of having something release every week, and the teamwork that it takes to come together to negotiate what we're talking about, even in the moments but this, you know, setting aside, maybe, topics we've said that in the past but also having each other's back and partnering together to take on different responsibilities to get all this pushed out in time that it's all about the connection of the other.

Rhett: 8:50

Yeah, my, my dad um, who really is more of a recent listener, he's like oh, what you're doing?

Rhett: 8:55

You're doing a podcast you know, and so he asked me are you guys doing that into the new year? I was like, yeah, I was like I think I think that's the plan, Like we're going to keep doing this, and uh, it's. I was like, oh, okay, okay, cool, you know, and and I love you, dad, if you're listening, you know, huge shout out to you. I appreciate you very much for listening, but, yes, yeah. So if there was any question, uh, are we going to continue to have conversations? Yes, you and I, obviously, conversations with guests and pastors, leaders, entrepreneurs and, yeah, with all our friends and stuff in life. For sure, I think it would be fun too to have some of our friends that we're doing life with to come and be a part of it every once in a while, and that'll add a little bit of flair to it.

Rhett: 9:39

And so, yeah, so 50 episodes in. I looked up before we got started what's the significance of 50 in the Bible, and it's really feast and celebration. So two things. Well, one out of the two we can do today was celebration, but feasting. You've got a meeting after this and I might be feasting on whatever's in the freezer or the refrigerator leftovers or something.

Justin: 10:02

Well, as you're listening to this, as we talked about it last week, we are in the middle of 21 days of prayer and fasting at the church that we're a part of. And so there might be feasting in certain ways, but we're not in a celebration of feasting kind of mode in this season.

Rhett: 10:20

Yeah, we just came through feasting in December.

Justin: 10:22

So you know we're good.

Rhett: 10:24

And I'm in this continuation of a journey of hitting 25 now in 25 pounds lost, and back in back in the groove of trying to walk every day and work out and and just you know, because I know my why, yeah, and it's there in front of me and this is the long game, that's right. And so it really isn't about a number as much as it is just kind of keeping things in front of me and moving forward. In fact, I think one of the cool things I got over here in the corner of the room I don't know if you've seen this, it's called the Go Ruck. I don't know if you know anything about rucking.

Justin: 10:53

Yeah, that's where you carry stuff on your backpack, right?

Rhett: 10:56

Yeah, so I've got that's a weighted backpack, or actually it's just a backpack that's designed to to properly fit your back in a in a very form fitting way. It's awesome, but inside it gives you the ability to put different amounts of weights on the inside of the thing, and so oftentimes, when you're walking and you're walking a lot you hit your, you hit your stride, you hit plateaus, and so you got to change things up a little bit, and so one of the things I was looking at is how can I continue to walk and it be effective in helping me? You know my weight loss goals and my physical health and all my friends that have done this like oh, dude, you got to go rucking. I'm like rucking, what is that? They're like oh, it's what these guys do to prepare for long hikes in the mountains, and it's basically weighted backpacking, yes, and so I'm like well, why, why?

Justin: 11:46

isn't it called?

Rhett: 11:46

waiting backpacking. Where did the rucking come from? I have no idea where that word come from, but yeah, so I got that for Christmas, my wife was very kind and so um, there's a lot of reviews on what type of weight you need to put in it to be effective, and so I was like, well, I'll just start with 25 pounds. A lot of people are like, well, 30 pounds and well, 30 pounds. And I don't know, man, you know I'm 47, so yeah, so I'm started rucking now.

Justin: 12:09

so when I'm walking.

Rhett: 12:11

I don't have to walk as long yeah I can walk shorter amounts and get more done physically and it works your core. So, yeah, that's phenomenal, you know, because when you do the same thing over and over.

Justin: 12:23

You build muscle memory and your body stops getting the same effect from it 100%, because you're just in muscle memory, which is wonderful. Now you've gotten to a tone and a shape that you used to couldn't have done.

Rhett: 12:35

But now this rucking, that's such a great exercise that you can actually add weight to it, and we got that and we added a treadmill to the mix. That's obviously no, this is amazing. It's gonna make our. Our podcast studio will be moving now, yeah, which I know we don't do video, but we're literally. I have a desk in my weight room and it's basically like a 12 by 12 room I'm surrounded by health.

Justin: 12:57

Health with a g-a-l-t-h. Health, yes, health is.

Rhett: 13:01

So my weight room, which was also slash, my office slash, our podcast studio, is now becoming a full-time little workout room. And so my son, I told him. I said, look, if we're going to share a room, all right, I've got to have it at a certain level. I said I'll make no apologies for it, I'm an A-type personality. For it, I'm an a-type personality. I said the the condition your, your game room, slash, you know room is that he has he's got his own bedroom in this you know other room. Um, I said I love you, bro, and you can live in that as much as you want, it's fine, but, dude, it stinks. You got water bottles out and you're, you know your spray cans and your shoes. And I said you're gonna like, if you want, the luxury of having a nicer desk in there and us sharing this space a little bit while you're at school and I'm working, and then you come home and and so so yesterday he spent, oh man, all day cleaning that room up and it looks so good, nice.

Rhett: 14:01

So all I have to say we're gonna move this podcast studio from one room one side of the house to the other, and this will be a weight room. So you'll no longer be, will no longer be surrounded by now a treadmill and a weight bench and a row machine and all of that it's a little comforting. I think some people think like oh man, it's a studio, they're in their mindset. They're probably thinking like all that foam and the glass a studio, and then their mindset they're probably thinking like all that foam and the glass and like don't think that.

Justin: 14:26

No, no, it's just a it's just a 12 by 12, our equipment does wonders to make it feel very, very professional yeah, I have no pictures on the wall.

Rhett: 14:33

It's flat white walls, you know. I mean like I'm not trying to burst the bubble of anybody's imagination just look at our logo and pretend that it looks like that's exactly what our, what our. Yeah, somebody said, ooh, does that your studio? I was like, oh, man, my dreams, like, yeah, that's, that's that whole.

Justin: 14:50

Like you know, yes, one day, it's what AI thinks our studio looks like.

Rhett: 14:55

That's great. You know, and many people don't know, but that that that picture was 100% generated by AI, man, AI, I you know, you know like people like how do you do that?

Rhett: 15:05

I like, uh, I typed in it took me a few hours to get it to do what I wanted it to do, but I literally was typing in okay, two armchairs, microphone, dark room, wood floor, light coming in, you know, yeah, studio, whatever, and it took me forever but eventually it gave me that yeah. So if you look really closely you can tell like oh, okay, that chair's a little warbled, that's my word warbled.

Justin: 15:28

It's like, not perfect, it, it's, you know oh, that microphone's got like two cables coming out of it hey it's so funny it is so funny, you know it's getting better yeah, you have like a picture of friends and there's an extra hand hanging out and it's like four fingers or three Like what is happening here? It's messed up on so many things. It is a great editor. It's not always a great creator.

Rhett: 15:49

Yeah, so anyway. So all that to say man no, but yeah, we're moving into a new digs next week.

Justin: 15:57

We'll be recording into a new spot and there'll be a lot of.

Rhett: 16:00

Star Wars Legos around us? Yeah, there will Star Wars Legos around us? Yeah, there will. Yeah, oh man, my son's got that millennial Falcon.

Justin: 16:04

I'm nervous. I don't want to knock that thing over. He might not be happy with me.

Rhett: 16:09

It took him a year to put that together, man, so very grateful.

Justin: 16:12

I believe it, it's huge.

Rhett: 16:13

His grandma bought that for him, you know, two years ago, and it was just one of those like what's that epic toy that you've always wanted? That is ridiculous, that I would never buy, you know. But grandma was like I won't bless my grandson, you know, and it made his year.

Justin: 16:30

Cause it's not just the millennium Falcon that you could get. That was still huge. There's one that's even larger.

Rhett: 16:37

It's the big, it's the big big, it's huge Millennium Falcon that you if it took them a year to put together and that was a little bit of time here and I've put one of those together before, but not that one dude can I tell you.

Justin: 16:47

Let's talk about legos for a second yeah, they hurt when you step on them.

Rhett: 16:50

Number one, so that's true there is this thing called a lego headache. Did you know this? When you put together legos, a lot of people get a headache, and I included in one of those. Really, and it I don't know if it just works a section of your brain you're normally not working in, I don't know, but it might be the way you're leaning over constantly kind of straining and figuring out how to put this stuff together. But, dude, good, 30 minutes in and I'm out. I'm like done.

Justin: 17:15

I'm like oh man, I need an aspirin.

Rhett: 17:17

I need some tylenol, my head hurts. Anybody else have that problem? But what probably? I mean, if you don't have kids, you don't yeah.

Justin: 17:24

You know, hey, I put many, many Lego together, but you know what I've never had in my life? What is that? A headache? No, I don't believe that for a second Never.

Rhett: 17:33

No, Listen man.

Justin: 17:36

I've never had a headache. We've got a lot of people that listen to this. Now you get a brain freeze. Well, there you go, so I've had a headache.

Rhett: 17:42

You've had your head ache, so I have, if that's what a headache is.

Justin: 17:46

I've had that, Okay. Other than that, I've never had any sense of an ache in my head ever. Last night, I don't understand what a headache is.

Rhett: 17:53

I haven't had one in a long time, unless I'm putting together Legos.

Justin: 17:58

And.

Rhett: 17:58

I'm grateful for that, by the way, did you?

Justin: 18:00

and come off going golly my head like oh nothing seriously, I've never okay, had a headache and it and, like I recognize, I'm very thankful for that yeah, there's a lot of people listening.

Rhett: 18:11

That will be like I hate you in in a loving way, but when you're talking about the legos like I've never had to stop because of my head, yeah, pounding.

Justin: 18:20

I've never had a headache, oh man, other than when I eat ice cream, because I do eat ice cream fast I thought I was messed up.

Rhett: 18:26

I'm like what is going on with me? Why does my head hurt every time I help my son put these legos together? And it's not at first, but it's like after about 30 minutes of doing this thing. It's you. It's like kathleen, I'm working a part of my brain or something what is this?

Justin: 18:38

maybe that's my deal. I guess?

Rhett: 18:41

I guess it's more. You know what? What am I right-handed, so I'm more left-brained, and if I'm left-handed I'm right-brained, Something like that. Yeah, I'm much smarter, hey, Dr Summer you know, give me a shout-out. Tell me or Dr Google, hey Siri.

Justin: 18:54

No.

Rhett: 18:54

I'm kidding, don't go off. That's true Anytime I say Siri on air. My, that's true too. Yeah, because that has happened a couple times. Oh yeah, interrupt us. But so, yeah, surrounded by all the Legos and I'm not like they're all put together, and my son likes things nice and neat in their proper place with all his Legos so, yeah, we'll be surrounded by some really cool Star Wars Legos man. It will look great.

Justin: 19:17

And it's encased, it's all encased, so I'm not us to knock it over you're fine, and if I do, I'm just running.

Rhett: 19:23

No, you're gonna be gone, I'm sorry, here's the good news we still have the instruction manual on how to put it all back together.

Justin: 19:30

Heck, no you know, oh my gosh, it brings back so many memories. No, but that's great.

Rhett: 19:37

It looks phenomenal speaking of mundane in the middle, building things, man, that that's the beauty of a lego man. There's all these intricate things on the inside that you never see. That actually make this thing what it is. It's true, and I think that that's a lot of that's life. That's in general in so many different areas, especially our podcast. Yeah.

Justin: 19:55

Yeah, we haven't even meant to, but we got this theme going in the first couple of episodes, that there's something about the mundane. That's where the magic happens. It really is it. There's something about the mundane. That's where the magic happens. It really is. It's not the mountaintop experience, as we talked about last week. That gives you revelation, it gives you inspiration, it gives you, I guess, the motivation to get things going. But at the end of the day, it's all happening. The Legos are being built and you're only seeing what's over it. You didn't see the intricacies that went in to make that get built the way it is.

Rhett: 20:24

There's nothing magical about the mundane, but it's the mundane that creates the magical. Yeah, isn't that it?

Justin: 20:31

I mean, isn't it the truth?

Rhett: 20:33

It's true, yeah, it is, and that applies in every area of our life.

Justin: 20:37

Yeah, it does, especially in connections with our friends, friends. Yeah no-transcript was about to say so henry cloud for a minute.

Rhett: 21:14

Um, boundaries was a book that I was given by a pastor one time. It's like a little small, short. Well, it's a small book in that it's physically small but it feels thick and that there are a lot of pages to it. Yeah, you know, no offense. I'm sure it's an incredible book, but I did not make it through that book. Well, it is a great book.

Justin: 21:32

We didn't carry maybe an interest in it? I did not, I'm the same way when that came out and I'm in my young 20s.

Justin: 21:38

Yeah, everybody. I used to manage a bookstore called the Carpenter Shop Bookstore and everybody came in and ordered Boundaries and I never you know, when you're around something so much you can't appreciate it yeah, so I never cared to read it because it was the hot book of the day. Yeah, but now, years later, when I started diving into reading and getting into it, it's absolutely brilliant. What he and you know and he also has John Townsend. They come together and collaborate on that one. But Henry Cloud, his written boundaries, but also these books like Necessary Endings, just things that they're on a high level, not hard to read, but my goodness, it's just stuff that I wish I would have known then. I just didn't take the time to read.

Rhett: 22:27

It's so true, and here's let me bring clarity as my, as I open the pages in my brain of memory around that book, is that I remember somebody giving that to me that I did not have a ton of respect for yes and I was like I can't like. I am. I am I young? You know what. I'm trying to be very kind to myself, but in my what's the word I'm looking for.

Justin: 22:51

Just your mean 20s.

Rhett: 22:52

And no, not my mean 20s, it was probably 30s probably. But anyway, all that to say it was, it was in a season where I probably needed a lot of growth and maturity, and I still do we all do if. I'm being honest. But I could look beyond the person that was giving it to me and so that book kind of got wrapped into that and I think because I just had that to deal with, I was like I'm not going to read it.

Justin: 23:19

Well, you projected that person onto that book Exactly, and the book couldn't give you what it could have given you.

Rhett: 23:23

And I couldn't get past it and I was like, okay, and so. I need to do a reset and refresh on that. That's not Henry Cloud's fault.

Justin: 23:29

No.

Rhett: 23:29

That's my own insecurity and ability and all the mess I was dealing with, but that's the great thing about a good book.

Justin: 23:36

If it stands the test of time. You can go back and read it and now get the stuff. Over the past six years I've gone back into older books. I try to mix with the newer, but I try to read a bunch of dead guys and then even in between the ones who were written in the maybe the nineties, even early, two thousands that I really very much. Like you said, I I projected the success and the marketing on it that I couldn't appreciate what was really the contents of that book.

Justin: 24:08

And now I can, and whether it's going to be a physical book or there's certain ones that it's like I don't need a physical for this, it brings back too much. I need an audio book and this is going to be my running book, whatever it is. But for me there's one that I've read called the Power of the Other, and I won't go into the detail of the book, but we just thought we would throw out some of these. What would be the highlight of the book? Because I think it would be very helpful to our listeners in the sense of connection, because your connection with people is everything and it's going to determine where you're going.

Justin: 24:43

The only reason we're at 50 is we've had the connection with each other. We've surrounded ourselves with good people that have kept us in this sense of keep going.

Rhett: 24:53

It reminds me of like a boy band that's put together by like a label that says oh, I found a guy over in Iowa and I found a guy in Oklahoma and I got a guy in. California and got a guy in New York and they all kind of sing separately. But we think they would look good and so let's piece them together in this band.

Rhett: 25:10

And they only last for so long, because they they've not had any deep, intricate connections in life and that's why they they're. They might rise to fame quickly, but they break up really fast over a couple of albums because they were put together. They were pieced together and it and although it felt it was forced organic and it just didn't last.

Rhett: 25:30

Yeah, there was just yeah, they, they didn't have a lot of rooted, there wasn't a rooting system, so it's not like you and I meeting each other in the street and go oh, you can talk and you got that leadership and I've got this and let's piece this together and create a podcast and see what happens. That's, yeah, that's not how we built this thing.

Justin: 25:46

No, yeah, that's not how we built this thing. No, yeah, we have difference. And though you can build something when people come together, it takes a lot of the work in the valley when no one's looking to make sure that you're dedicated to make this happen, because your emotions aren't filling things and you might be a little annoyed with each other in certain moments. Or one has just listened to this Red, as we talked about last week, could just listen to the coldplay album. I could have just been listening to dr, so and so, so and so, yeah, and I'm coming in wanting to have a sophisticated talk rest coming in want to talk about.

Justin: 26:21

Let's do this, yeah, and if we don't have some kind of rooting system, we're going to be butting heads the whole time because we have our own agenda. But we've learned, as we've said, how to negotiate and, almost like, merge it together and let it become this beautiful picture. That's the power of being in that right. What Henry Cloud would call is corner four.

Justin: 26:44

So if you were to picture four corners this is the best way to abbreviate the book. Go read it. I would encourage you. It'll help you in your relationships. But if you were to picture just drawing a box, you having your top left and it's not going to be one of those quadrants that you want to be in the middle, but I'm about to say it's almost like leading up to four is the best, okay. But if you were to see like a box and you have in your upper left, you would have corner one, okay.

Rhett: 27:15

In your upper right you would have corner two, your bottom right, you'd have corner three, your bottom left, you'd have corner four. So we're working our way into that. So so one top left, top right is is two. Yeah, bottom left, you said, is bottom right, bottom right is three and then just shift on that.

Justin: 27:28

Okay, so you were just you know, if you had an image or a picture that's what it is, and the best way to explain it is the corner one would just be in our life. The whole goal is connection. The whole goal is to have true, authentic connection.

Rhett: 27:44

Yeah, because, as we know, life change happens in real, authentic community in the context of life-giving relationships. 100%.

Justin: 27:52

It's all about who you surround yourself with. 100% it's your spouse.

Justin: 27:57

That's why you younger people it is important who you're going to marry, I mean you better know who you're going to marry, because that's your spouse and that's going to be a huge part of your life. The people they say show me your friends, I'll show you your future. A lot of these things are sayings, but they're true. Yeah, who you surround yourself with I forgot what it was said. It's like look at the, look at the four or five people that you hang out with. You're going to see the condition of somebody.

Justin: 28:23

And it's so true, who you hang out with. You can aspire for greater or you'll aspire for less, and so the corner one is no connection. So you're kind of obviously you see where this is going to go, but you're living in this whole no connection. It doesn't mean you're not in the midst of people, it's that in your life you've not reached this vulnerable level, to this vulnerability to actually open up, and either there's been a wound or something. We can get deeper in that in a minute but you're just, you're not really tethered to anything. You can be in a large crowd and yet you could just be absolutely lonely.

Rhett: 29:04

Yeah, so you're, you're, you could be. I don't mean to keep repeating your words, but I'm just talking out loud. So it's the mindset of I could be in a sea of people and I could even have what could look like's a surface level type thing, right? Is that what I'm hearing you say? And so there's no deeper, nothing deeper, like I'm not talking to anybody and communicating on a deeper level in my soul of what's happening outside of hey man, I'm doing how you do.

Rhett: 29:41

I'm good man, I'm great man, it's good to see you. Hey, we need to get together. Yeah, but you never do, and it's just. Is that what I'm hearing?

Justin: 29:46

Yeah, and you'll see, parts of that may even apply to something one of these other corners, okay, but it really is just a sense of you feel isolated, it's true isolation 100%, you're not depending on anybody. You don't have really anybody in your life that you're going to. There's not that friend, there's no accountability.

Rhett: 30:04

There's, nobody there's nobody.

Justin: 30:05

There's just me, myself and I. Yeah, you are alone. It's isolation. You go, you do your work, even at work, the connection that could exist there, you go, do your work and you're out Okay, it's there's, just you've not opened yourself up. So that would be corner one. Corner two would just be bad connection, okay. And so this could be an example of maybe you've been through a hurt. This of maybe you've been through a hurt. This could be even in the sense of you've had a bad leader, you've had toxic leadership or someone in an authoritative presence in your life and they've made you feel less than it's. Whenever you and it's not always the leader, it could be when you walk in and you're already, once again, you've come from a corner one, so you're used to being isolated, so you think less of yourself. Maybe it's when you walk into an environment. You always feel inferior to somebody. You might be, you're an athlete and you're always coming around this group of people and every time you're around them, you feel less than so. That's corner two.

Rhett: 31:05

It's just like it's, it's relationships with the, the relationships that you're in bully you and make you feel less than and it's probably out of their insecurity that they got to make other people feel less than cause. They're not happy about themselves, and you can never be good enough, okay, and you work really, really hard.

Justin: 31:21

Now you're not operating your and you're wiring.

Rhett: 31:24

It's your friends with narcissist at this point, it could be. Yes, it could be it's friends, it's company.

Justin: 31:29

Okay, it could be any area of your life, but it's when you're trying to be something and you just can't hit the level. And now you're not even operating in who you are, you're just trying to hit the level. So when you're around it, when you're living in this corner, you're in a constant sense of I feel worthless, I don't feel like I can hit the mark, I'm not good enough. So you feel terrible about yourself and what it will either do and we'll talk about this in a second, but the first thing, it will either move you back into isolation in corner four, I'm sorry, in corner one or you're in corner two once again, which is bad connection, or it will make you shift into corner three.

Justin: 32:10

Okay, and corner three is what would be called like pseudo connection, the pseudo good connection. It has a form of being good.

Rhett: 32:19

Hey guys, Red here Just wanted to take a moment and ask if you're enjoying this podcast. Could you do us a huge favor Would you take a moment to copy the link from your podcast platform and then text that to a friend, and that would mean so much to us. Thank you, Okay, guys. Now back to the conversation.

Justin: 32:37

Corner three is what would be called like pseudo connection, the pseudo good connection. It has a form of being good, okay, and what that means is you've been around enough of feeling less than you kind of finally found a place that you kind of feel on top. So in this becoming relationships, that could even come in the form of I feel like crap and tonight I'm getting a half gallon of ice cream and I feel better about myself with this connection, okay. So you're seeking comfort in objects or even people who give you what would really be a quick thrill versus anything that's real.

Justin: 33:17

It's one night stands that could happen. It's addictions that people will go to. It's where people who are addicted to drugs or people who are drunksunks they're, they're alcoholics in their life. Yeah, they're living in corner three. They gravitate between corner two and corner three because they feel less than and they got to quickly medicate it.

Rhett: 33:38

Gotcha Does that make sense, one hundred percent and so that would be your corner three.

Justin: 33:43

So, once again, corner one no relationship, you're isolated. Number two, corner number two you're in what would be bad connection. You don't really have true connection. You can't ever be good enough, which therefore makes you want to become good enough, and if you do aspire, it has a sense of good. Because you want to rise above, because you don't want to feel terrible, you go to corner three, which is really you're medicating yourself. It's a pseudo fix. It feels good temporarily, anything you could imagine. Your ultimate goal, though, is you're working towards corner four and that's the whole basis of this book which is true connection. That's where there's true vulnerability, that's where this sense of equality I'm not trying to attain, but yet I am prodded to be better. So us, with you, know our friendship. I don't come in to try to prove things with you because we're not a competition foundation.

Justin: 34:37

Right, yeah, but yet I get better when I hang out with you. Yeah, but you can also call me on stuff and I can call you on stuff, yeah. So it's this constant space where you're growing. You can get your feelings hurt, that that's okay, but you can at least talk it out, or you now don't go shift back into. I'm going to go hang out with my crew in corner three, where I feel like the king again.

Rhett: 34:58

I would say there's a lot of people living in one, two and three. A lot of people.

Rhett: 35:02

I mean, yes, surrounded A lot of people alone, and then, when I do surround myself, it's the wrong, it's the toxic crowd where, because of all their hurts, their wounds, of them living in zone three, if you will Now they're taking it out on me and I'm just a pawn in the wheel of whatever makes them feel better and I'm less than, and I'm trying to get better, getting my fixes and and maybe, maybe not relationally, but maybe with all the substance or, you know, abuse or the, the things that we'll click on, look at whatever temporary fixes that are never lasting or never fulfilling, longing for more. Then we go right back into zone two, to and then it's just this.

Rhett: 35:42

You know this crazy vicious cycle mix of cycling between all of this and then we're like well, I'm hurting, I'll go alone, but I need my fix.

Rhett: 35:49

But then I need the people. It's the wrong people and I long for this kind of relationship to have healthy, you know, conversations in a healthy place where I can be vulnerable and trust the person that I'm being vulnerable with, not to. You know, I think that's hard when you've dealt with those kinds of toxic relationships. You know I think that's hard when you've dealt with those kind of toxic relationships. I mean, you just have, you have the triggers, if you will, of trauma. It's like I don't know if I trust you enough to open up, because every time I've have, I've been made to feel less than yes, and I don't know if I can trust this. I don't know if I can open up to this because you know and I think that's where you, at the end of the day, you just have to you know you do have to take a step, but you have to be aware of the people you're opening up to and there's those moments where you can open up to somebody that it can be trusted.

Rhett: 36:36

But you don't know until you open up.

Justin: 36:37

Right? No, it's so true, and you can see that dance, I mean it is three, two one, two, three, two one two, three, two and no matter what season you've been in and what condition that you're in.

Justin: 36:48

It gets back to what we said before. You might kind of forget your why for a little while and you're on a whim and you're kind of living in this mindset. You've lost yourself a little bit and that's where you're going to be hovering through the ones, twos and the threes. It's when we, you and Micah, were getting to have that conversation a few episodes back where I've been in those places, these dark moments of forgetting who I am. Thank God I had the corner four relationships to kind of pull me back in. Who called me out? Who you are, don't forget, this is who you are. But I was so corner two-ed or so corner three-ed that I almost felt like you're, you're kind of patronizing me. But I had to kind of step fully into the vulnerability of corner four to embrace and trust that you're speaking the truth to me and then you start to live in that again and you begin to heal. So it's not perfect. Corner four is where vulnerability exists and, yeah, and you can grow, you can have bad days, yeah, but it's a safe space.

Rhett: 37:53

You know, coming to relationships, you know it's amazing that God wants to use people for the process of healing, mm-hmm, and the enemy wants to use people for the process of destruction. Yeah, you know, and so because people ultimately are the process to bring fulfillment in life. Yeah, and so because people ultimately are the process to bring fulfillment in life. And so God wants to use our relationships in a way to where we're actually helping people towards healing. Yes, you know, james 5, 16, confess your sins to one another, in other words, your faults, your issues to one another, and pray for each other. Involve the right people in the right moment, so that the rest of the verse is so that you may be healed. Yeah, for the prayer of a righteous is so that you may be healed. Yeah, for the there is a, for the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. You know, in other words, those who are doing life with the right people, those corner four people, not that they're perfect, because they're not, but because their priorities are in order and they truly do want to help people. If, if you involve God in the mix of that, there's healing. That happens Now, where people cross the line is well, you're saying I got to go to people to get forgiveness.

Rhett: 38:52

No, you go to God for forgiveness. God is the only one who can forgive us of our sins, our hurts, our wounds and all the guilt and the shame and the pain and the stain of sin. He's the only one. But make no mistake that God uses people in the process for us to find freedom to, to walk through these the issues of life, and you and I have been that for each other for a very long time and and so what I would say to that is what I'm hearing is again, god wants to use people in that corner four zone to help you get healthy and and and in the right place. But he not only wants you there for what's in it for you, as he ministers from other people into you, he then in turn wants you to be that for other people.

Justin: 39:34

Yeah, that's right. That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah, no, that's well said, it's not just all about you receiving.

Justin: 39:38

It's about you receiving so that you can, in turn, make a difference in other people's life, to help them out of one, out of two, out of three into this four, well, and if you can utilize this mindset, it can help you in every area of life, because think about it, even in your work you're working with some people toxicity can kind of set in all the time, if you maybe there's. You know you're having meetings with people and your idea is kind of getting rejected and you just kind of feel like God, but you either avoid it, so you kind of slip out of it. You can always see what kind of corner are you, maybe even your company culture is living in, because, let's say, there's three people. So you already had this triangle going on, right? Let's say, person A, b and C. A and B are having a conversation and they've got some struggle going on.

Justin: 40:30

So I'm A, I'm talking to B. B's really just kind of annoying me, like we're just not seeing eye to eye, but I'm not on a level I'm wanting to work it out with them. So I know God. I now go to C, which is someone that I trust and love. They love me and I talked to them about B and now B me. And I talked to them about B and now B is being bashed Me. A and C over here are having a talk and even C's like oh, justin, you're so awesome. That should never be said to you. Oh, they don't know what they're talking about. Well, now C's not really helping me it seems like it is, but what we have done is we have shifted now into a corner three conversation because they're medicating me.

Rhett: 41:10

Yeah.

Justin: 41:10

They're helping me feel better about myself. It's okay, corner four, you can feel better about yourself. But what it would look like is yeah, how can I help work this out for you? They don't make B look like the villain. Yeah, you get to see. You know, you hear the verse wounds from a friend. Yeah, it's when your friend can also say well, have you also thought about maybe you could be doing this? And you're like ooh you kind of?

Justin: 41:36

ticked me off a little bit. Man, I'm coming to you, you're supposed to be helping me and now you just called me out. Now that person's trying to be a true corner four relationship, I can choose to leave that moment and go back to corner three and say well, I'm going to go talk to D because they'll make me feel good about myself Once again. You're being medicated, or are you with a true C in corner four who's going to say but at least acknowledge where you could work. You could go confront that person and have a face to face with them.

Justin: 42:09

Or how can I help mediate?

Rhett: 42:12

with you two.

Rhett: 42:13

I think of this through the lens of the human body.

Rhett: 42:17

When we get hurt, oftentimes we just immediately, if it's a cut or bruise, we want to put a bandaid over it or put some Neosporin on it. But there are some injuries that happen to us that are absolutely painful 100%. But we have to go through more pain in order to get better, which is called surgery. Thank God there's medicine for that. But at the end of the day you have to cut something open, expose some things, get down to the inside of the human body to actually repair and to fix. But that repair and that fix are actually going to cause, you know, more physical pain and the recovery process is going to be longer. But over time, you know, you're actually going to be better for it. And in my mind I'm thinking corner four people are kind of like that surgeon, that doctor is like I'm not just going to give you something that's going to medicate, I'm actually going to give you something that might hurt, maybe even sting a little bit, but it's out of love to help you longevity in life, to get better.

Justin: 43:12

Yeah, no, that's right.

Rhett: 43:13

And to grow and to be more healthy and more mature in the long run and stronger too, and it requires vulnerability and humility to even be able to do this right, because it challenges me.

Justin: 43:24

I want to be a better friend. See, I can be a people pleaser, so it makes me look. God, if Rhett's going through something, I want to know that when you're sharing something with me, even if I see an angle, you might not see no-transcript and just let the person be the victim and I just say, well, rick, god, they just don't know you the way I know you.

Justin: 43:49

But yet if I really see something and I don't say it, my people pleaser side is not allowing me to be the best. C, if you will into your A, b situation that you're having, and so it challenges me, and so, even for the listeners, how does that challenge you when you think about wounds from a friend? Those are some of the toughest moments that you're going to have, when you have to say have you looked at this angle? Even if it ticks them off for the moment, if you let them deal with it and they will deal with it with vulnerability and humility, they will come back to you and they'll see you as that true person who had their best interest.

Rhett: 44:42

And there's wisdom in the approach. Totally, you know a corner four person should have enough self-awareness to understand whether or not I have enough relationship equity built into where my voice is welcomed to help?

Rhett: 44:57

Yeah, because there are some relationships where you're like, man, I don't have it, I'm not welcome to be able to speak into this. I don't have that relational equity. Yeah, you know, and I think it's important to say, man, you know to. Of course there's compassion. I'm showing comfort in this conversation as the people pleaser going. Man, I'm so sorry, that hurts, that's gotta be tough.

Rhett: 45:15

But then, you know, are you coming to me to share this? Just, you know, for me to know, are you, are you wanting me to speak into this? Right, because if you, if you're allowing me to speak into this, man, I hate that you're going through this, but have you thought about how you might be a part of that problem? Yeah, right, but you can't necessarily, unless you're welcomed into it. Well, then you come across. Well, you're just a jerk, you're not for me. No, no, like, if, if we're friends and we're on this, going on this journey of a deeper level, then we're on this, going on this journey of a deeper level, then allow me, I'm not going to throw you under the bus, but I think it's important for all of us, as leaders, to look at. Maybe I'm not, maybe I am, but at least ask the question to look at myself in the mirror, to go. How am I contributing to this? If there's an issue, because we can all grow and get better, every single one of us?

Justin: 46:01

And what if that first conversation you bring up a good point, if you're approaching me but you're not asking my guidance? Right now we've got equity built. It's okay to have that talk where I'm just listening right now I don't have to try to fix anything. But if it just turns into just you're now just getting your junk out but you're not even asking, it's almost like we're shifting now into corner three, because now I'm just listening but you're not asking. So at some point, if it's important enough for me, after maybe one or two of those meetings of listening, I need to insert myself and not give my advice yet but say, hey, let's follow up and meet again. And I would love to give my thoughts now that I've listened to a couple of these talks, if you care to hear, and if they would, if they were to say, no, I just need a sounding board.

Justin: 46:55

What's happening is they're not allowing this relationship to truly build. Because if you're just a sounding board, you can only be that for so long If you're not really wanting to get something back to consider how you can get better. And that's why those relationships, I bet, if you were to look over time and I know we're saying this in the moment, I bet those aren't really strong relationships now if it goes on, if you're just a sounding board that's listening, because now eventually I'm thinking we're not even. It's really not even a reciprocal friendship anymore. I'm just listening, I'm not even a coach or a counselor, I'm. I'm. This is a dying relationship because it's no longer reciprocated.

Rhett: 47:37

Yeah, now you're sucking the life out of me and my time and my energy, and you're pulling me away from my why, which is truly trying to help people, but you don't want me, you know, and so which is probably what that?

Justin: 47:49

book necessary endings that he wrote talks about where it's time that we we had a thriving friendship at once. But but it has to go two ways and you might hit a moment because you are who you're like, yeah, if you're not continually growing together. There might be a moment, just like people are listening now and they've realized yep, I've been there, you've had to sever ties with a relationship that just could not continue to move with you, and that's a tough thing to actually say.

Rhett: 48:20

One of the things I'm thinking through is the relationship I have with with my wife. You know, if you're married, it's your spouse, and if you're married, there should be no the most important relationship corner for is your spouse. And so, as you were mentioning this, one of the things that I've struggled with, like and I'm just being honest, for you know, going on 19 years of marriage, um, this, you know, april is is listening to respond rather than listening to understand, and when my wife is sharing stuff with me, I've always been quick to well, here's the problem. Let me just fix it, you know like here.

Rhett: 48:55

It is like you know, and I'm already thinking about, like I know the solution in a matter of a moment and the one thing that we've had to talk through and I've had to get you know. We've worked in our communication and I would just say I'm finally I don't know if I've learned this. Give me grace, but I have learned this through the fact of the conversations I've had with my wife and she simply said hey, listen, when I'm sharing things with you, I I'm not asking for you to fix it. Yeah, it's not about the nail. If you've never seen that little clip type in, it's not about the nail Christian meme, and you'll see what I'm talking about. Um, but it's, it's hilarious. Like I just want to be able to express what I'm going through without you trying to fix it. I just want you to relate to that emotion and if I want your help and I want your response, I will ask for it. Yeah.

Rhett: 49:44

And so a lot of times I'm like, as we get into conversations, I'm like is this something that you just want me to lean into and listen to?

Rhett: 49:52

And she's like yes, I'm like awesome, and I'm leaning in and I'm listening. That's what corner four people do, and then if she invites me after she's done it, I'm like man, that hurts, I'm sorry, that's painful, that must be frustrating, you know, whatever the emotion is, I'm connecting to that. Yeah, and then she was like, okay, what would you do? Yeah, you know, and when I was, she will actually ask me, and when she asks me then I'll go. Okay, then that's my invitation to offer a solution to either be have you thought about it through the lens that you might be a part it's hard for me to say part of the problem, which is never the case, because my wife is perfect, that's right, right. Or you know, whatever it might be and I, and so, as I think that, think through this lens, I don't even just think through it through the lens of a friend, I think through the lens of how this applies in marriages and in those deeper intimate.

Justin: 50:46

It's multifaceted the way it is. Because you off-taken, it doesn't have to always have a fix. It doesn't Because it's the withdrawals deposit as we've talked about before. Linda can come and just take a few withdrawals and not even ask your thoughts, because you know enough in a corner for relationship her being able to just say that without even resolution to it, that helped her. Yeah, like summer and me will talk without resolution to it. She just needed to get something out and it will. Usually we'll finish talking and and she'll say I already feel better just getting to talk about it.

Rhett: 51:26

Yeah, because they already know the answer. Like in that kind of relationship, they already know the answer, they know the next step. They're not necessarily, you know, talking about it to get your input. They just need that safe zone of just like writing it out on a piece of paper. I need to get it out and out in the open and acknowledge it's there.

Justin: 51:50

And then you know, I can either move forward, or I know the next step and the reason you know you're in a relationship is they will not belittle you after you say it. If you start telling somebody something and they begin belittling you, they're trying to throw you into corner two, where you feel terrible about yourself, and that's not a real corner four relationship. You can reciprocate, you can go back and forth. So it's being able to identify.

Rhett: 52:12

Yeah, so. So, wherever, whatever circle you're in right now, we would just encourage you to to try to be self-aware enough to identify where you're at on these zones and not to be felt like you're in trap there. But there is hope and I go back and I know like we're about to land the plane on this episode, but for me, I think back, and it was 16 years old for me. You know, I was doing life in that zone two or corner two, uh, corner three life and corner one, like. But then when I I stepped into a spiritual family, it was not perfect and there were people in that spiritual family in corner one, corner two and corner three and corner four, but it put me in a place where I found and I made the decision.

Rhett: 52:52

And you can too, and I would say, if you don't know where to start and you're feel trapped by your corner two relationships and you feel like engulfed in this, like I can't get out of these. I mean these people I've been doing life with forever and you're asking me just to stop doing life with them, like, yeah, I kind of am, but go find, go find it, it's there, it exists, and I'm telling you the best start, the best start is a local life-giving church and within that local life-giving church you will know it's thriving when they do healthy small groups where there's communities based on common interest and passion and purpose who are taking their time to be a corner four relationship for you.

Rhett: 53:30

You know what I mean and those type people. They exist, they're there, they're in your community. You just have to take the step to make the choice to go, and that should, I would say, man, maybe this is a sign You've been praying for a sign. You've been praying for the voice of the Lord. This is it for you for 2025 to take that step into some life-giving relationships in a local church.

Rhett: 53:49

I'm telling you, and that's what makes the local church so beautiful it's in its imperfectness, like we've got all of those corner one, two, three and fours there, a lot more corner fours. They're there, find them, get connected and watch what happens, because, over 31 years, for us, this is what we now have because of those choices we've made. And I look back and it's unfortunate for me to say the corner two people and corner three people I was hanging out with before the spiritual family I stepped into. Some of them are still there and the decisions that they've made have impacted their lives in ways that's just so detrimental. And God can still work a miracle out of those ashes, that's right. But I am so grateful that I made the decision, that you made the decision and we went together, which was so cool, yeah, which makes it even more special.

Justin: 54:31

It was the power of the other. Yeah, by us doing that, yeah, and it doesn't matter how large or small the church is, you can find it. That's why you and I, in a couple of weeks, at the time of you listening to us, we're going to launch back into our small group same crew, but we'll also have a door open for a new group of people who want to come join us. And we got these dudes. We meet every Thursday right after lunch and we are all so different but yet we have such a commonality and it is a bunch of corner for relationships now where we have each other's best interest. We text each other during the week, we did it over Christmas holiday and we just check up on each other, or there's a new job hunt somebody's going through. I mean, I was talking to my wife about it last night that I love my men's small group because we have created.

Rhett: 55:23

It's taken a year, by the way. It's taken a year, by the way it did not exist it didn't.

Justin: 55:26

And now you have guys who we know each other and their friendships. We're going out to lunch at different times and coffees, and it's true corner for relationships. And if it can happen for us just having a small group a year ago, starting with me and Rhett and then a couple of others and now you've got like 13 people coming, it can happen with you. It just takes an intentionality to say I'm going to be vulnerable, I'm going to be humble and I'm going to, I'm going to put myself out there. God 2025, bring me the corner force.

Rhett: 56:01

Yeah, you know, you've heard it said. You know, if you want, if you want 2025 to be the best year of your life, it really does begin when it's the best year spiritually. In a spiritual step, like God won't do it all for you, you have to take a step. It's intentionality with what you said. You got to take it.

Justin: 56:18

He's waiting on you, you move, he moves with you, but you got to take that first step take that first step, coming up on the next episode of armchair authentic, you're always going to be in a condition where you're going to want to attain more. It's what do you do with those thoughts? Yeah, and I notice, for me it's not a give up.

Rhett: 56:37

And don't dream anymore like right dreams, dream away because I'm going to get my boat one day and I don't care if I have to go down that route. But yeah, man, you're living in paradise one day and I don't care if.

Rhett: 56:45

I have to go down that route, yeah man you're living in paradise One day One day, yeah, and if you do jump on the boat with me and I don't need it to be happy, I don't need it to be happy but to create some fun memories, I mean that'd be fun, that'd be fun.

Justin: 56:57

It's all about what your heart like. What is your heart? That way, you have something you've purchased and it's something that is bringing memories and values. Or did you buy it edible way, to self-medicate? We're really looking forward to that episode, but until then, if you enjoyed this conversation, will you pull out your phone and text it to a friend? We would love for them to join us on this journey. Well, until next time, we will see you soon.