Justin: 0:00

I told Sommer this there is nothing that you can do that will make me leave you. Yeah, nothing. Where's your mind go when I say that Everybody listening? Yeah, there's nothing. We were talking about this earlier. We were there's nothing you can do that's going to make me ever step away Like I'm in it. I'm in it Like I do not like.

Rhett: 0:18

It's for better or, for worse, till death. Do us part, or that's through his part, or it's not.

Justin: 0:22

Yeah, or it's not Right or it's not, so don't put all that crap in there. Yeah, exactly, and have that sweet little moment when you're out, the first moment that someone acts human and does something stupid. Yeah, stupid can happen. Yeah, now do I want that to happen? Heck, no, no, oh, my gosh, I want to live up to that, but I can do my darndest to actually try. There's people who's hearing this now and you're going through some marriage crisis right now. As long as both parties are saying I'm at least open to try, there's hope.

Rhett: 0:56

Thank God God doesn't walk out on us and we screw up. What is going on everyone? Welcome back to another conversation with your friends Rhett and Justin, right here at Armchair. Authentic a podcast where we're stewarding our stories, our conversations and even our relationships in a way that serve you Now, justin and I could not be more excited to dive into this today. So, without further ado, our conversation begins right now.

Justin: 1:42

So isn't relationship building? It's all about getting to know people. Yeah, and you're actually, which means like I want to hear about you, so I need you to talk about yourself. It's reciprocal and I want to talk a little bit about yeah, stuff too, but I need you to reciprocate, or I'm just this guy talking about myself?

Rhett: 2:00

yeah, especially especially if you're sitting there trying to like a conversation has been initiated. Maybe you're sitting down trying to like a conversation has been initiated. Maybe you're sitting down over coffee or in the hallway at church, and there has been this effort on both ends to at least initiate. Oh, we're going there, we're going to have a conversation. Okay, great, this is a two-way street. Just don't look at me like when, I say something, just don't give me the eyes that look like, okay, the ghost.

Justin: 2:26

I'll give you an example. Like our podcast, we've really I've enjoyed doing this the past year.

Rhett: 2:32

Yeah, it's been great Dude. Yeah, it's been fun.

Justin: 2:34

We have good conversation, we're looking at each other. Now it's like it's just good.

Rhett: 2:40

But you don't. Always. I don't know if it's good for anybody else.

Justin: 2:42

You don't always realize the work that goes into something and there is an art to it and we are created to work and produce and you feel good about an effort and to me that's what relationship is. You're talking about some accomplishment and it's almost a good way to get some things out and to be. Maybe you want a little bit of a pat on the back and then you're ready to pat somebody on the back. It has to be reciprocal. But actually, rhett, I think we were talking about you. You know there was an individual I was talking about it was easter weekend.

Justin: 3:15

Okay, we're making small talk. Great time to talk, great time to. You're just hanging. I'm talking with this individual and they actually brought your name up, that you've been out of town. Actually, they mentioned that you guys are going to get together. I'm like, oh man, you're going to have so much fun. And I say, yeah, he's out of town right now because you've been doing. You know, you did you hit a couple of spots, yeah, this past week at the time of our recording. And so I end up saying to him I said yeah, I said, by the way, literally rhett's in town and then I'm out of town. So we actually got to get some podcast stuff recorded so that we can batch record to get us through. And I gave like a date through like mid-may, because we like to get ahead a little bit but not be too far ahead. Yeah, and I just said that just effortlessly and it was a great moment to pause.

Rhett: 4:07

It's enough breadcrumbs out there that gives somebody an opportunity to respond to the conversation, and especially someone you're in a relational.

Justin: 4:15

You know you're in a friendship that you're trying to probably build. We don't know each other great, but you're at least you're inviting them in to ask a question, to get to know you a little bit more.

Jillian Chambers: 4:24

Yeah.

Justin: 4:24

As I had been doing for a little while with that individual, hearing them talk Like tell me more about that.

Rhett: 4:29

That's interesting.

Justin: 4:30

How does that?

Rhett: 4:31

work.

Justin: 4:31

Crickets, crickets. I just went and said batch record. Well, that's an interesting word. I talked about getting ahead, having to think of the dynamics. We've got to get this done while he's out Before I, this done while he's out, before I'm away he comes back. We're going to have this time Got to get ahead.

Rhett: 4:46

Boom Lay it out there that either says the mind was set, was just on another planet. You know that could have been a one-off. I don't know the individual or you know the relationship. But I've had times where people are talking to me and I was listening, but I wasn't listening.

Justin: 5:03

I think that's happened to us a couple of times. I'm like, all right, bro, I want to forgive me.

Rhett: 5:08

I'm sorry, my mind was somewhere else. And you're like oh, but I would have called myself out on that. I've been bro. I'm so sorry. I really want to hear what you have to say but, I, have spaced out. Forgive me, will you say that again? Or either do we just move it forward at this point.

Justin: 5:24

If you don't actually recognize that and you're not on that level of a friendship to call each other out or just know that you're occupied, you might actually miss a little moment to build something.

Justin: 5:34

Because right now I kind of it was like all right, good, I kind of moved on from that moment and we did not have that chance to connect and maybe there's another time we will. But it just takes that reciprocation Like with you. I know there's times I can, I know you read, just like you know me. I can tell when we're on the phone and I've gotten into something that I've gone on a little while and I can already tell you're checking something out on the internet and I can, I can tell.

Justin: 6:02

What's my go to, is it You're like yeah?

Jillian Chambers: 6:07

And I'm like the emotion of your word does not carry the emotional level.

Rhett: 6:12

I'm not going to lie. That happens sometimes, man. We get going. I'm like an hour and 30 minutes later, I'm like looking at my phone going huh.

Justin: 6:18

I'm like it's your turn. All right, go ahead, and say something now and I love how we're kings of playing off the fact proven we were listening. It's like you know. I mean, just sometimes it's really key. It's really key when you experience something like that.

Rhett: 6:37

You know, god's got this man, god's got it Mine's like, I hear you, I hear you, yeah.

Justin: 6:44

And if there's still silence, because they need a little more to know that you're listening.

Rhett: 6:48

You're like wait, why are you fishing for more?

Justin: 6:50

I guess I mean you know what, and, and not only do I hear you but that is a thing yeah, not only do I hear you, bro, that's real, we've been doing this too long.

Rhett: 6:59

Man, where I'm like bro, I will interrupt you and go. Bro, I'm so sorry, I've zoned. You're going to either have to repeat it or we're going to have to move on. Or I got a text, or I got an email, I got a voicemail, something popped up on my phone or totally threw me off, or I'm thinking about bro, I'd love to think about this, but I really got to dive into what I'm doing next. I'm so sorry.

Justin: 7:18

Absolutely yes.

Jillian Chambers: 7:20

But I'll call it for what it is. So when I'm in a conversation, I have a lot of small talk.

Rhett: 7:26

As a church leader, I have the opportunity to say hello to a lot of people before service, after service, and sometimes there will be individuals you're connecting with and it is an art to sit there and to really try to just focus in on that one person or the couple or the family, and to disengage with everything else that's going on around you. Yeah, there are times where I'm listening and it might be too loud in the room maybe the music or whatever and somebody is opening up saying something and I've gotten to the point now where I'll say I apologize, I know you just shared something that I really want to know, but I got distracted Somehow. I got distracted. I missed that moment. Will you please forget? Like I just I'm at that point now to where I don't care. Like used to, I would have just kept playing it. Oh yeah, yeah, and moving up my and then looking at you like with a blank stare because the response you're giving them is not.

Justin: 8:16

You're like got a smile on your face when you probably should have more of an empathetic kind of like you know I'm not really yeah, and I miss this, you know, but now I'm like dude.

Rhett: 8:24

I'm sorry. You've said your name three times and I have forgotten that is on me. Please forgive me. Your name is your wife's name, is your kids. Okay, you know, I literally I won't make excuses now and maybe that's just what happens when you get older. Yeah, you know, kind of like the guy that went to our church Every once in a while there'd be, you know he's an older gentleman.

Rhett: 8:48

Keep going so I can track with you. I'm not tracking yet. Keep going. He was in the military and you know this is back at Parkway Days.

Justin: 8:55

Okay, oh yeah, trying to be honoring, oh yeah.

Rhett: 8:58

We'd be sitting there talking. Older gentleman Probably needs a hearing aid. Older gentleman probably needs a hearing aid. Yeah, you know, he's super sweet, super kind. I mean no disrespect, but there is a certain age you hit where I guess you just don't even care about bodily flatulence at the church. I remember that and you're talking and you hear a little, you know like, and the brother's still talking to you and you're right there.

Justin: 9:21

As it just keeps going.

Rhett: 9:22

And it goes, and along with all the wonderful, at some point you're harmonizing, because it's just going as you're talking. I'm like bro, okay. And to those who are listening and have lost all respect for me that's okay, just hang out. Listen to a few more episodes. We talk about being disengaged from a conversation to someone who served in a high ranking official in the military, who's very old, now it's his golden years.

Rhett: 9:47

Now he doesn't have to. Oh man, he was a great guy, yeah and uh. But I was like that was just one of those things You're like, okay, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to sit through this and I'm not going to call it out, Just going to keep moving. Respect your elders. Yeah, Can we carry this?

Justin: 10:05

conversation on down the hallway. Please Can we move it downwind Anyway?

Jillian Chambers: 10:09

Yes, that's well.

Justin: 10:11

I remember when me and Summer were dating and she lived probably I mean, it had to have been 50, 55 minutes from kind of where we hung out. Okay, you know, in downtown Birmingham she lived more, or just Birmingham in general, but she lived in Hayden, which was 50, 55 minutes. That's a long way away, it is, and so we would have, especially if you're dating, you're hanging out late and then she'll drive home late, and so we'd be on the phone together and she would start talking.

Justin: 10:41

But you hit this moment where you're just so tired You've disengaged. There wasn't the internet on your phone then.

Rhett: 10:48

So she's driving home, she's driving, we're having a conversation going.

Justin: 10:52

I'm probably laying in the bed, I'm getting tired and she's just talking and she could get that sense, because I would respond too Like yeah. You were asleep, yeah.

Rhett: 11:02

You were giving the Delilah response, she would just kind of start talking yeah, and then what happened?

Justin: 11:07

You were listening to Delilah, yeah, love someone tonight. Yes, okay, sorry, and so. But she would then go into a conversation and say yeah, and then really the crazy thing that happened. I'm like, yeah, she said I got to my house and it's burning on fire. And I'm like, yeah, she said I got to my house and it's it's burning on fire. And I'm like, really, he's like, yeah, I mean, I really don't even know if I'm safe. I'm like man, she's like are you, even she's playing you.

Jillian Chambers: 11:32

She's saying every bad scenario and I'm just, I'm just like right yeah right and she called me out on it, so it's just.

Rhett: 11:39

It's a real thing trying to lock in that's when you probably had the conversation, the uh, the phone that had the long antenna on it, that was the wireless phone in the house that day. Yeah, man, you're laying your head on the pillow at night on the bed with it just under the one ear. Yeah, I always had.

Justin: 11:53

I was the guy because I was the more social of the family. Yeah, I would have the wireless phone in my room because I'm much more likely to get a phone call at one in the morning from a friend and I don't want to ring him with dad.

Justin: 12:06

You know what I mean, of course not. So we got, we had, we had a lot of those. Yes, anyways, I remember my brother. Literally I get a phone call at like three in the morning one time and I answer it and it's my brother. He's like I'm disoriented, like what. He's like you couldn't pick me up right now and so it's not. Thankfully it's not this way. We've grown so close. But he would even say he apologizes for the way he treated me when I was younger. He had beat me up like crazy.

Justin: 12:34

So this is I'm.

Rhett: 12:35

I'm younger but I'm able to send those you did and you received some of those.

Justin: 12:40

And so I was driving by this time, but he called and said I need you to come pick me up right now, like car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I remember it's October. Oh my God, it's already a little weird outside. It's that twilight kind of night and I'm in my car trying to even track him down where he is, because he had to find a local pay phone and so. But he ran back into the wooded area.

Rhett: 13:03

This is before Google Maps and Apple Maps, pay phone and so, but he ran back into the wooded area maps and apple maps. Oh, yeah.

Justin: 13:05

So yeah, I know he's in this area, where it's a wooded area man, and I'm driving my car, not even knowing for sure if I'm in the right space at three something in the morning, yeah, and of course I end up finding him. But he was like you will not tell dad this. Do not tell dad, because I wanted to tell dad go get him.

Justin: 13:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and so but yeah, and and and, so after that night it was like, well, where we live in birmingham, it wouldn't seem in the middle of nowhere now because it's kind of the liberty park area okay but that back road kind of where, not rex lake road if you take one way, there's, there's another road, it has a different name. Yes, that connector road that used to seem like you're in the middle of nowhere Got it. I mean, it was everything Car breakdown, yeah.

Rhett: 13:50

And.

Justin: 13:50

I grabbed him and I mean I said come on, let's go, took him home, got him in the car.

Rhett: 13:56

You know one thing I remember riding with your brother your brother, you know, and your brother's what like five, something, five, four probably. He had the. Okay, so the little Buick that he had.

Justin: 14:08

I don't know a.

Rhett: 14:08

Buick, regal or something. It was always a Buick in your family. We mentioned this in a previous episode yeah.

Justin: 14:13

Papa, we were Papas.

Rhett: 14:16

But this was the day and age where the driver's seat and the passenger seat were just one big bucket seat.

Justin: 14:19

Not a bucket seat, excuse me.

Rhett: 14:25

A bench. Excuse me, a bench is a bench, the bench seat, or you could sit on the front, yeah. So if the driver needed to shift his seat all the way up, you all did, everybody did, yeah, and so it would have made more sense for me to ride in the back, because I would have had a limo leg room, you know, in the back, but that looks awkward going down the road.

Justin: 14:39

You know, and he's your limo driver.

Rhett: 14:41

So literally my knees to chest in the front, let's knees to chest.

Justin: 14:45

Yeah, you're a lot taller, so your knees are like touching on that.

Rhett: 14:48

Oh, absolutely, I mean literally knees to chest, that's what always made my brother so dangerous?

Justin: 14:54

Because people wouldn't. They wouldn't realize the uncanny power that that individual has.

Rhett: 15:02

Yes, your brother is very strong, very strong, very skilled, he's a fighter. Oh, that that individual has.

Justin: 15:06

Yes, your brother is very strong, very strong, very skilled, I mean, he's a fighter, he just knows how, to you know the guys who know, they know everywhere, to touch where the nerves are. That it's like it puts you out.

Rhett: 15:15

I know how to knock you to your feet with your knuckle. He's learned.

Justin: 15:18

Oh, he's like yeah he can punch you he knows where like part of your arm to squeeze. You feel like you've lost all control of your body. He's learned all this stuff and if the world ever shuts down, go to his house. He's a scrappy little individual. You go to his house because he's got every gun in the world.

Rhett: 15:37

Does he have a bunker somewhere under the house?

Justin: 15:42

I cannot answer that question, but all I'll say is if the world's coming to an end, I'm going to hang out with Bo.

Rhett: 15:48

Yeah.

Justin: 15:49

And we're going to be just fine, yeah.

Rhett: 15:51

So, on another note you had brought this to my attention from the time this episode drops, we will be sharing something that is really, I'm going to say, it's weird to share. It's pretty cool to share but like we not just sharing as far as communicating, but like actually sharing a date.

Justin: 16:08

Yes, I know.

Rhett: 16:09

On the calendar yes, Anniversary date. I know, on this week. Yes, is it this week? I mean, what day is it actually?

Justin: 16:16

Let me look at the calendar. I know it's the 29th. It will be by the time this is being recorded. This will be the 28th.

Rhett: 16:24

Yeah, so this comes out on the 28th, so tomorrow.

Justin: 16:27

So if you're listening to this on the Monday, it drops tomorrow, Tuesday the 29th of April, me and Rhett celebrate, not together.

Rhett: 16:36

No let's make that very clear.

Justin: 16:40

We celebrate our wing anniversary to our two women, to be clear, one each.

Rhett: 16:51

Let's be very clear, oh man.

Justin: 16:56

We tried to be romantic and it just backfired royally.

Rhett: 17:00

Let's explain.

Justin: 17:01

Let's break this down.

Rhett: 17:03

We both share the same wedding anniversary day of April 29th, justin, you've been married how many years to?

Justin: 17:12

summer we will be celebrating 25 years. You'll be celebrating 25.

Rhett: 17:17

We'll be celebrating 19.

Justin: 17:18

Yes, not we, but I'm glad we, I'm glad we clarified, you know, to my beautiful, courageous, strong, brave, amazing woman linda barden that's right.

Rhett: 17:34

Let's make it clear if anybody tries to chop this and edit this out any other way, we're screwed y'all will have. I mean we, we are, we're not even making it fair for ourselves right now we're not no this is what happens when you, just you know, record a podcast without eating very much food.

Justin: 17:52

This is what's true, I am a little hungry and we and we just completed a very, very busy weekend of easter, so it's like you mix all this. Yeah, we are hungry people right now.

Rhett: 18:03

Think about. I mean, like it's one thing that we've had a friendship for what? 39 years, now 39. Which you just had a birthday. Let's celebrate that, hey. Five six, seven, eight. Happy birthday, woo. What do you? Hey, welcome to the 47 Club. Thank you very much. So it's one thing to you know be in a friendship for 39 years, but then you get married this summer, on April 29th, and you know. And then when I meet Linda and get married, I'm not even thinking, like I'm thinking, about your anniversary?

Rhett: 18:36

No clue. In fact, we had other dates in mind. Due to family dynamics and stuff. That couldn't happen. Yeah, we ended up choosing Aprilil 29th. And then it turns out you're like, hey, that's our wedding anniversary. I'm like are you kidding me right now it's so, so crazy, yeah.

Justin: 18:52

And then, um, then my oldest and your son, I mean it's like oh man, yours is max, mine's dax. Once again, we didn't plan it that way, no, but it's funny. Like it was daxton, yeah. And so now it's like dax and max, dax and max, max and dax april 29th wedding anniversary just six years difference. It's pretty crazy, man, did you ever did you ever watch ruby and max? Ruby and max I remember, I remember the name really, max. Okay, yeah, that's the thing that's like three or four.

Rhett: 19:24

I don't know if it is or not. That was on. Max is like three or four. He is definitely not watching that anymore. Yeah, yeah, so I don't know. Man um pretty interesting well, what's cool for? Us is.

Justin: 19:37

This is we're gonna be celebrating 25 years 25 years, I mean come on, quarter of a century. So crazy we have been married longer than we were alive single. So I got married last year. We got married I was age 22. And we've been married 25 years. So I mean we've outgained our single living being as a married couple.

Rhett: 20:02

I'm trying to think I'll need to be 28. Might will be that 28 year mark. Okay, so kind of ways to go.

Justin: 20:09

Is that right?

Rhett: 20:09

you'll be there, yeah I was thinking that when it was a 28, 29 I think it was 29 when max is bored, yeah, anyways but we talked about it before that.

Justin: 20:22

Um, you know, summer, Summer recently got her doctorate and so she is Dr Summer Bradshaw, but she finished it would have been last September. Okay, and you know you, you walk usually if you don't get a certain time finished. You are walking in May instead of October, and so we've been planning this for a while. But she is going to be hooded, as they call it, Like she'll be doing. Hooded, as they call it.

Justin: 20:45

She'll be doing the walking doing the graduation ceremony and she has gone to GCU, which is Grand Canyon University, which is in Phoenix Arizona.

Rhett: 20:54

Love their commercials.

Justin: 20:55

I know they're everywhere now.

Rhett: 21:00

Well, I told Summer, I said I've never heard of Grand Canyon University before she went there.

Justin: 21:06

Of course, the thing you learn west of the Mason-Dixon line, that's what people know of we know of Liberty University and so I found out. It's an amazing college, huge campus, one of the largest Christian colleges physically, but also online largest attendance. So huge, huge online attendance there. But we've been planning a trip to the Grand Canyon, so we'll literally, you're going to love it, man. Man, we're so pumped because, once again, as you're listening to this, we are Keep your kids away from the edge, buddy, keep your kids away from the edge.

Justin: 21:39

We're going to go check out the Antelope Canyon. It's not like there's a fence around it. No, the antelope canyon.

Jillian Chambers: 21:46

It's not like there's a fence around it.

Justin: 21:47

No, it's. Yeah, be aware, this is real life. This is not real. We'll land in phoenix, we'll drop. We got a big rental car ready to fit all six of us. Head straight up to the north, you know, and antelope canyon.

Justin: 21:56

Spend a couple of days there, do some kayaking and then make our way to the grand canyon, spend a few days there, do some glamping i'mamping guy, I don't know how camping I am, but I'm glamping all the way and then make our way down into Phoenix and just, you know, enjoy some. You know, like a little water resort, stuff like that. And then on the 29th she you know, so everything I'm saying would have already happened. But then on the 29th, if you're listening now, she will be walking and officially getting to get hooded.

Justin: 22:27

That's exciting, as Dr Summer Bradshaw watch out world, yeah. And then we make our way back home and kind of get ready for the next season. I mean, school's going to be getting out. Colleges you know we participate with Highlands College, so that's going to be ending, they're going to be graduating and from a church standpoint, you and I being on church staff, you know you kind of summertime, you kind of take that little bit of a lull you try to get some rest and get refocused for late summer, early fall seasons, which are primary peak seasons when families come back and get ready for the next school year.

Justin: 23:07

So, yeah, this is going to be a fun trip. I am very excited. I remember stories you told me about grand Canyon when you were a kid 14 years old yeah. This is bucket list item for me to actually get to be out in the middle of nowhere like this and look at the stars. Yeah, we've tried to align all we could. Yeah to do that, so it's kind of a delayed I'm looking forward to the stories that come from.

Justin: 23:28

It's for us like 20 it's gonna be 25, we're celebrating 25 years, so that's a bucket list trip. I remember in in 2020 for our 20 year, we were going to try to go to, like um greece. We were going to do something special for the 20 year and COVID shut it down, you know. So we've kind of had this on the hills of we're going to get out somewhere. So we just decided make it a family deal, and then us too, we'll try to get away at another point. It's it's you know, sometime that's really good.

Justin: 23:57

Yeah, 25 years, man of marriage, baby.

Rhett: 24:01

Yeah, and to get to celebrate that on a monumental moment for summer, and then your anniversary and then with the kids and have it all collectively together. Yeah, it's going to be a memory maker for lifetime man.

Justin: 24:13

Yeah.

Rhett: 24:13

It's going to look back and go. Man, I remember that trip, you know I don't?

Justin: 24:17

you know I'm, you know, I guess you're this way too a little bit. I'm big numbers guy in the sense of, you know, I will look at certain benchmarks, and so for me it's just really neat, like literally as she's walking. She's walking on our anniversary, yeah, so the same day. I mean just the symbol she's already received her doctorate, she's already a doctor. But to have the symbol of her getting hooded, yeah.

Justin: 24:41

And then that's also on our 25 year. You know, we just we've always kind of flowed in that with what we've noticed, with the way the Lord works in our life. It's, it's really cool how you can look at certain you know not to be this. What do they call it? Numerologist?

Rhett: 24:54

Yeah, but I think there's significance. I mean there's significance in the Bible with numbers and numbers.

Justin: 25:01

I agree. And so 25 years there's. Just we've been looking to this date for a while now. So you know when you've been looking for something and it's finally upon you. We just know that it's like I don't know what that means, but we're really excited. It feels like a close, there's a closing to a chapter and there's something special, and so we're just kind of we're open-handed and say come on, lord, this is awesome.

Rhett: 25:21

Yeah, man and say come on, lord, this is awesome. Yeah, man, I love that dude, it's really good. No, you're talking about the Grand Canyon and me getting a chance to go when I was younger. I'll never forget it was the first time that I ever went to the. Now it's not West Coast, I get it, but that far West. To where you go. You get off a plane and you're in the desert and you're like, whoa, there's no green anywhere, no trees.

Rhett: 25:42

This is amazing Mountains off in the distance and just a completely different dynamic. I mean the things you saw in cartoons. You're like, oh my gosh, there's a cactus. Like I've only seen that in a cartoon.

Justin: 25:52

I've yet to see one.

Rhett: 25:53

I'm ready to see a cactus, you're going to see plenty of them, dude, good, and just all that. But I'll never forget. So my grandparents, um, I guess they with their money and their retirement, they uh, they paid for a trip from my dad and I and my cousin and all of us to go. So we went to Las Vegas, got off the plane there and, um, and I'll never forget, as a kid, being like, oh my God, all the movies, like anything I've seen on the movies, you know, and at that point I saw, saw way too much, it's true, it really pre-Jesus. But I was like, oh, that was in that movie and this movie. And I'm walking through casinos and stuff as a 14 year old and I remember playing the slot machines and went right beside my dad and I'm like, oh, I'm winning, and then the security would come over and like kick me out and I'd walk right back.

Justin: 26:42

It's so stupid, right? That's so cool because that was vegas, yeah, las vegas, because I'm playing the five nick, the nickel slots or whatever they are.

Rhett: 26:48

I do not recommend this. I'm just telling you what my life is. This is on chair authentic, the authentic. I would not be authentic if I didn't tell you what I was doing at 14 in vegas, and um with my dad, yeah and yeah. But from there we went to the hoover dam.

Justin: 27:01

We took our damn photo. We, we were on the dam elevator, that's you, you just made this. Get right at E I mean oh is it, we just lost listen.

Jillian Chambers: 27:09

No, no, no, no, like literally Water dam. They do that it's the.

Justin: 27:12

Hoover Dam. Totally, it's a dam. Yes, it's dam stuff. What else is it supposed to do? I love it working there.

Rhett: 27:20

it's a damn people, yes I'm so with you and don't believe me. They milk that for all it's worth.

Justin: 27:26

I've been there. I've been there. Man, they do. It's so funny and I think every christian does when a christian visits our moment. This is my moment we were with our church staff and it was like everybody wanted to talk about all the damn stuff. But this you're gonna see you're gonna experience.

Rhett: 27:41

I don't know when you went, but like they've changed it now, like you can actually bypass it I think they built a bridge or something else. You don't go over it anymore. You can, maybe still I don't know but the only way across was the Hoover Dam.

Justin: 27:53

Yeah.

Rhett: 27:54

And that was a lot of fun man, and then from there went over to Flagstaff, arizona, and then to the Grand Canyon, did the petrified forest, um, whatever there was to do in the flagstaff area. We drove down to sedona and then, I think, we flew out of phoenix yeah, I'm pretty sure we did.

Justin: 28:11

Sedona is amazing flag, all area is beautiful, I mean I wouldn't want to live there.

Rhett: 28:16

I mean, it's beautiful, it's hot, it's gonna be 95. You know, like we go to the beach with where we live, right, yeah, to get away. People in idaho and that northern region of the northwest, they're like oh man, we're going to Arizona, going to Phoenix, everything is Phoenix. Like we're going to Phoenix, we got a timeshare there. Or we're going to Las Vegas, we got a timeshare there. You know, it's like everybody goes to those places on that side of the country.

Justin: 28:39

Or I say everybody. People want to go to Idaho and Montana for like what they have, but if you're there, you go other places. Yeah, yeah, right, and they do.

Rhett: 28:46

We live in our own paradise, we don't recognize it, but in the winter they'll go to Phoenix.

Justin: 28:50

In the winter they'll go, you know? Yeah, because of the weather.

Rhett: 28:53

I was like why do you go to Phoenix?

Justin: 29:01

They're like oh man, in a weird kind of way you know, if you're ever in Vegas, just don't look down on the ground.

Rhett: 29:07

Oh man, that's horrible. There's a lot of cards.

Justin: 29:10

But we had to learn that lesson because we had one of my buddies. He was actually Eyes up heads up. He was on the podcast with us one time it was Lance oh okay. Akmalatiza, remember that was his word.

Jillian Chambers: 29:21

Akmalatiza, remember that was his word.

Justin: 29:22

Take that spirit. You got to take that thought captive. He had to because he's, this sweet old lady Walks up to him and she's got like these cards she's passing out to people, she's like hello. Shani and you know, lance, he's as kind as it is. He's like, oh yeah. And she's like can I show you something ground?

Justin: 29:43

and he's like man, that little old lady, and so that was like we just had to walk around. Yeah, you know heads up, but I just remember I wanted, like for some reason, crab legs. So bad you go to a hotel.

Rhett: 29:55

Their food's amazing. I was craving amazing and we went.

Justin: 29:59

We found a way to get to the bellagio, to their like their little restaurant, all you can eat buffet. So I go into the we don't go into the casino area, obviously, you know, but we go into the Bellagio and make our way and I eat crab legs, I mean, for days.

Rhett: 30:16

Hey, friends, just want to take a moment and say, if you are enjoying today's conversation, could you do us a huge favor. Would you take a moment and copy the link from your favorite podcast platform and share it with a friend? Email it to a friend. How about airdropping it over to your buddy or your sister right now? Man, that would mean so much to us. Thank you, All right guys. Back to the conversation. You didn't even walk through the casino area.

Justin: 30:43

No, really, we didn't even walk through the casino area. No, really we didn't.

Rhett: 30:45

There's just a bunch of people in there just pulling slots and 7-Eleven or whatever it is.

Justin: 30:53

I can't believe you didn't walk through it. I don't mean it in a judgment kind of way.

Jillian Chambers: 30:55

No, that's great, I just remember walking through.

Justin: 30:57

There was just so much to see the fountains from Ocean's Eleven. I mean, we were living the moment.

Rhett: 31:02

You didn't get close enough to hear all the ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding and all the music and all that.

Justin: 31:06

You can't escape that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah I mean like the melodic tones. You had to cut through certain rooms, too, where you're passing all that. So, yeah, I've walked in some of those rooms.

Jillian Chambers: 31:29

But I didn't get to go into the depths where you got, like all the the 7-eleven, all that stuff going or whatever.

Justin: 31:31

I don't even know the names of it, but the spinning little yeah that you see in movies, yeah, or yeah, you never saw whatever craps table.

Rhett: 31:34

You never saw any of that, but it was.

Justin: 31:34

It doesn't feel real when you're in it, you're like sure yeah, like money becomes just this like what is money?

Rhett: 31:39

it's just a little chip and that chip is like a 500 chip it's really crazy nothing.

Justin: 31:44

It's crazy it's so stupid people lose their mind in those places yeah the deception that's there man and you know, and it's like its own world within a world. It really is policed by its own crew. I mean, if you don't pay your bill, the house always wins the house.

Rhett: 31:59

That's what I'm like yeah, have you seen oceans 11, 12 and 13, brother man, yeah, yeah those are great.

Justin: 32:07

The part one, I mean 11 was the best that was the original one. Yeah, yeah, it was classic, yeah, and that's why I wanted to go to bellagio too, because it was just it was oceans 11.

Rhett: 32:17

Did you go stand out there at the fountain and watch like we just pulled a heist? Yeah, oh, I did.

Justin: 32:21

I was living the moment, just like I pulled a heist like we just made our way out.

Rhett: 32:25

You know it was great, but yeah, we ate.

Jillian Chambers: 32:27

We did that.

Justin: 32:28

Walked around Beautiful city. There's a lot of beauty there that I was able to find. I was expecting it to be like a dirty town, but it is in certain ways On that strip right there, but the buildings are immaculate, they're clean. So if you're, keeping your head up. Once again, I wanted to. We got out there and we got away unscathed. But I was also with like a band we were playing with. So it was. It was a lot of good dudes that we knew like we had accountability.

Rhett: 32:55

We we enjoyed, but we got out of there, I had a group of people with him. Yeah.

Justin: 32:59

When you're with friends, it's just a different experience. We got to experience it, as foodies, being in a place where everybody else is like wanting to spend money I've been through that airport several times and now the airport feels like a casino. Yeah, and that's, that's where you got all that.

Rhett: 33:13

I'll never forget they still have smoke rooms there, like, like, really like. Yeah, well, I'd say a smoke room, like a smoking section in the airport that's fully encased in glass, yeah, so you're walking by and you just see swirls of smoke in there, like golly yeah.

Justin: 33:32

You know, yeah, like Aunt Martha's in there, and they're in there pulling the slots with cigarette ashes.

Jillian Chambers: 33:36

They're so addicted.

Rhett: 33:37

Today's my day, baby. Here we go.

Justin: 33:40

Soon, I saw, a meme not long ago where it's like a guy's in a wheelchair and they're taking him. They're taking him towards a casino. I don't know if it's real you don't know if it's real anymore or not, but he's sitting in the wheelchair and as he gets closer, he can't wait. He gets up out of that thing and runs.

Jillian Chambers: 33:54

It's a miracle. It looked like a miracle video that you were about to see it's AI.

Justin: 34:05

And all of a sudden that guy gets out. He's running fast to the slot machine, he sits down, he's pulling him as fast as he can like. He's so addicted and so I don't know if his ai or if it was real, but it was, it was real funny I just all that to say.

Rhett: 34:13

I think talking about that, though, I was just from perspective going from the south, growing up with trees and lush green, and getting into the desert, I fell in love with it, man. Yeah, like there was something intriguing about the desert, and so it's allure you've never seen it. Yeah, yeah, man, it's like oh you know, and as a kid I felt like I was.

Justin: 34:31

It was an escape for me, man I'm like, oh yeah, it's out in the middle of nowhere there's a life in the middle of the desert, yeah not tons of people live yeah, no, it's kind of out there well people say the same thing when they visit us. I never understood I see it different comment about our beauty and I see it differently now, like all these trees yeah, they're trees.

Rhett: 34:52

I have a completely different perspective of birmingham alabama. Now, after living a few a few different places and, uh, man, I love, I love the mountains and I love high desert climates, but man there is, I don't know man, for me there's just nothing like the, the hills of alabama, baby southern boys, southern boys, that red road down there, man let's go.

Justin: 35:17

Yeah, and I'm, and I'm the birmingham all my life kind of guy.

Rhett: 35:20

Yeah, and all the trees hanging over the roads and twisty, windy roads that I used to couldn't stand, give me a white. Yeah, when I lived in Texas I was like, oh, I can see, Nothing's in my way.

Jillian Chambers: 35:32

Yeah.

Rhett: 35:32

There's like this grid street, north, south, east, west, and then in Alabama it's like no, you got to go like 10 miles backwards before you can go forward just to get through the hills and the in the way the roads are orchestrated it's not as easy when I go visit you in boise.

Justin: 35:47

I always thought boise was pretty, but I thought it was brown you know, it was just like yeah, it is in the summer.

Rhett: 35:53

Yeah, it's just like the rocky mountains. I love it, but it's really brown yeah, that wasn't really brown around here. Well, it was a desert, yeah, exactly so it's a high desert climate, and then you have to go up over what they would call the foothills, and those foothills are always leading into the desert, and those up from Idaho.

Rhett: 36:09

You're like, how could not anybody know this, right? But it's like the high desert, it's brown. I mean, you're in the desert, right, it's true. So you got to get up over those hills, and once you get up over, there's the trees. Yeah, but no one, I gotta go that direction, I don't think of it as the desert, until I went there and you told me and I'm like whoa.

Justin: 36:27

Yeah, but you knew all the spaces to show me where it was green also yeah. So the vineyards, the, even like the um, even being in downtown Boise, where people could run the beltway just all that. I mean what'd you laugh at amazing memories and we'll leave it right there some things just need to be sorry.

Jillian Chambers: 36:59

Some things just need to be.

Justin: 37:02

Uh just left unsaid yeah, that's one of those that was just but the memory was the awesome yeah, yeah I'm not trying to make it more than it is, no it was just, it was a, it was a friend to friend kind of memory. Yeah, when, when I just I was, it was, I was what happens on the river, it stays on the river. It was enjoyable for me because I saw I like in in the best

Jillian Chambers: 37:23

of ways, yeah, it was like I'm in my element.

Justin: 37:25

You were in your element and that made me it was just the water.

Rhett: 37:28

Yeah, the river, the river man, the water being on the water, it's beautiful, it's 30 degrees.

Justin: 37:33

I mean like you, but it was in the summer, it's the but, the memory it is.

Rhett: 37:38

The memory is just priceless to me and I still remember us inner tubing just down the boise river and we went forever yeah, and every every once in a while I'll take a trip over when I'm up in twin and I'll drive over uh for a day usually on a saturday and and if I'm there, that's where I'm at. I'm walking in that little area. I love it.

Justin: 37:53

It was gorgeous and I remember you taking me and Dax, you and Max, up to the white water rafting or whatever they would call it riding the bull that was great and we kind of had that kind of had a new guy there who was our guide.

Rhett: 38:10

This is like the first time I've gone down this river.

Justin: 38:12

Fellas, let me loose he gave us I do remember one time he said well, this is a good one to jump out on if you want to actually just ride it without the float. We did, we did, but he didn't tell us it was. It was a tougher current than he remembered. He said just what was it? Uh, nose up, toes up.

Rhett: 38:29

Yeah, like he just said that it's important because you don't want to get your feet caught underneath a rock. Yeah, it could be terrible.

Justin: 38:36

That's a death warrant, but he sent us down a rough rapid like our boys didn't get out, but me and you did. I mean I was like lord, it's gonna end right here.

Rhett: 38:48

This is not the way I envisioned this oh yeah, I've done that a couple times after that hill I'm like I thought you said that was an easy hill.

Justin: 38:54

He's like I'm still learning it.

Jillian Chambers: 38:56

I'm like, but you almost killed me.

Rhett: 38:59

Like let's be clear here, Like I choked, I was drinking, you had a life vest on. You're going to float down.

Justin: 39:05

You're fine, I had so much water that I engulfed. Oh my gosh, you did.

Rhett: 39:11

You're not supposed to swallow water, Justin. You're supposed to hold your breath.

Justin: 39:15

I tried.

Rhett: 39:16

It's amazing, though, when you're that low in your eye level with it, you can't see what you think you can see.

Justin: 39:20

Oh my gosh, I was like what did I just agree to? Now I can see Dax looking at me. Guys, it was a light.

Rhett: 39:25

It was just nothing.

Justin: 39:28

Shut up.

Rhett: 39:29

It was little wave that took you it. It really was they seemed small.

Justin: 39:34

Hey, audience. Don't let him fool you don't let him. Oh, I did that one time with another guy, making it look like it's nothing I went up there with another guy, did the same thing and, um, the boat.

Rhett: 39:45

I basically got disconnected from the boat so far they couldn't get, they couldn't kind of come back to me and so I ended up going down a couple of those and it scared the rafting guy and it kind of like took me a minute because they were like oh, there's a rock, put your feet up. I'm like my feet were up the whole time and I slammed into a rock with my feet. I'm like bam, yeah, yeah and uh, they're like are you okay? Oh, you're freaking me. I'm like no man, I'm good, we're good, we're good, you know, get.

Justin: 40:08

But finally, get back in the boat. You better be good. After that story a while ago, downplaying my experience- he better not act like it was tough.

Rhett: 40:18

It was the bathtub wave everybody.

Justin: 40:20

It didn't help that right. When he said, all right, get ready, I ingested water by accident.

Rhett: 40:28

It set me up.

Justin: 40:30

Now.

Rhett: 40:31

I'm dying.

Justin: 40:32

I'm dying.

Rhett: 40:32

My feet are flaring. I'm like this is it? If I'm going to go, this is how it is.

Justin: 40:37

I remember looking up at Dax and he's looking at me like is he?

Rhett: 40:40

okay.

Justin: 40:42

I've got my thumbs up like it's good.

Rhett: 40:47

That's when the adventure the Rhett side of adventure probably went a little too far with you. No, I loved it. Okay.

Justin: 40:53

I loved it. It seriously was getting out at that point, yeah, and the rapid was heavier than he said and I engulfed water, literally swallowed water, right on that first wave and I was I was done. So I was holding my breath, praying to God that, okay, let's let this thing in Cause. I cannot.

Jillian Chambers: 41:11

I can't keep this going too much longer.

Justin: 41:16

We got to let people know that it was a tough way.

Jillian Chambers: 41:18

Yeah, it's tough, don't make it.

Rhett: 41:20

Look like it was tough. I'm like man, come on, I got a little bit of spam in me. It's like the wake behind a boat in a lake, yeah.

Justin: 41:28

So just kidding, all right. So you know, marriage, marriage I mean, come on.

Rhett: 41:35

Marriage, marriage, it's what brings us together. Together.

Justin: 41:42

We got our experiences. Man, this is, you know, one thing I do know that is connected me and you a lot is you know it seems normal. Because you know it seems normal. I remember when I was getting married and you would, you know, I'd have these guys just kind of it's almost like the joke that people always make, okay, like here's the ball and chain, or it's like and I know, I know that it's just the joke that people like to make, it's the world's joke. It was the world's joke of like, well, hey, it was fun. I hope you enjoyed your fun, because life changes now and I remember hearing that stuff, thinking Interesting. I rebuke those little, even the little jokes.

Rhett: 42:28

Were these from church people? Yeah, everybody. It was just kind of a joke. I remember one guy speaking of jokes. He's like all right, so what you need to do is you need to put I don't know a quarter, have a like a little savings bank or something off to the side and you put a penny, a dime, a dollar, whatever, it doesn't matter the amount. Yeah, it was like every day for the first year of marriage you put a penny in there or a quarter in there for every time you make love to your wife.

Justin: 42:54

Right and then put one in there. And then after a year, you start. It's like you take one out for how many times?

Rhett: 43:04

you haven't had it. Oh, my goodness Right, that's funny.

Justin: 43:07

I've never heard this.

Rhett: 43:07

If I remember correctly, it's like you're going to fill that bank up. It's going to be overflowing that first year year and then what you'll notice is it diminishes.

Justin: 43:16

You know, every, you know okay, over time and it takes a lot. Are you saying it takes a lot more years to take all the quarters out? Yes, to show that that was it.

Rhett: 43:25

Yes, yeah, yeah so then, after a year, take one out every time you do have it that was it right and see how long it takes you. You'll never empty. It is basically what he was saying. I'm like no, get thee behind me, satan. My wedding's gonna be blessed and highly favored, that's right, and this is gonna be good, we're gonna have a good time and yeah, I didn't do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna speak to that, but yeah, they were giving you.

Justin: 43:50

Never lose, that wonder I mean. I do premarital counseling with couples, all the time Me and my wife will.

Jillian Chambers: 43:56

I love my wife and I love that they do a little.

Justin: 43:59

We do an assessment called SIMBUS saving your marriage before it starts, and so it's actually a great survey or assessment they fill out, and me and my wife will actually lead them through that over a period of six weeks. And so there's a question that they'll ask where you actually you kind of you're warming up with each other first, but then maybe week three or week four you get on like the sex talk, yeah, and it's. I mean it'll ask questions like so what's the frequency you envision? You know?

Justin: 44:30

you know, making love and I love it, things that they, they should, people should talk about, I love it. It's like, usually the guys like multiple times a day and you know, you know, and the girl will be more like. It'll say like some will be like every day, some are like every other day, every week. You know, it's the guys are.

Jillian Chambers: 44:50

Pretty much you can yeah, you got the same answer.

Rhett: 44:53

Yeah.

Justin: 44:53

But the girls. It just kind of it's funny. It's always cute, yeah, and when I'm leading this I always remind myself do not be the guys, yeah, who like you know not the ball and chain.

Rhett: 45:04

Right, I can't stand that, but more like the joke that you're saying, the joke that I received, yeah, I'm like, I'm mind I'll see the answers and I will think how cute, isn't that precious.

Rhett: 45:17

If they think that's gonna happen, it means some are just gonna wink at each other like let's don't burst their bubble, yeah, no, because even if you told them, they're not gonna believe it. They're gonna be like no, no, no, we're the one percent baby. Yeah, that's right, we're gonna be the one that breaks this curve and you just gotta call it out loud.

Justin: 45:30

I'm like so yeah, you answered, you know, and I'll say you answered several times a day, and then the the future spouse looks at him like really, like yeah, okay, all right she said once a week and he's like, uh, no, I mean so it's fun, you get to have a working out, that you're having them it out and it's actually a wonderful exercise yeah.

Rhett: 45:55

Well, that way with money too, you know what are the big three. Sex, family finances. Those are the three big rocks that if you don't talk about and figure out, because what they don't like, family like, ah, what about family? Well, you marry the family, that's right, I don't care what anybody says no yeah, exactly. You marry the family and you can say what you want to say.

Justin: 46:16

You can go.

Rhett: 46:17

Romeo and Juliet all you want. And when you marry the family, they've got an agenda for your life.

Jillian Chambers: 46:21

Even if you don't think they've got it's true, they really do.

Rhett: 46:24

That's huge in finances, people who think well, we'll just keep our separate bank accounts. I'm like oh my gosh.

Justin: 46:36

What like? Oh my gosh, what you have is hers, yes, and what's hers is hers, and what you have is hers is all hers. And as long as you can live by that, you're gonna be good. Yeah, you're gonna be just fine.

Rhett: 46:43

so I don't know if this happens in anybody else's marriage and I I think I can talk about this because it's fun and this is a fun talk. But yeah, um, linda has this, uh and she's amazing. But, like every couple of weeks, we'll go run some errands and that usually means we're going to go return some stuff, right?

Justin: 47:00

Yeah.

Rhett: 47:00

Clothing and whatnot. And whenever we return these things, we get a credit back to our account. And I'm like, awesome, we have X amount of dollars that are going back into our account. And she's like no, that's my money. And I'm like what are you talking about? She said no, that's free money. I'm like I'm on to you, woman, I know what's going on, but it originated in our account. If it wasn't for her, we wouldn't have money. Let me just be very clear okay.

Rhett: 47:29

So she is the financial guru genius in our family and keeps us afloat, because if I were in charge of it, we'd have a lot of fun. We just wouldn't have money. That's the truth. That's good, because I like having fun. I'll create a memory right now. Five grand. No worries, we'll make that back up. It'll take me 10 years, but we'll get it. We get it, you know.

Rhett: 47:49

But anyway so like she's got free money. So if you're a friend of Linda, you're like, hey, where do you get that free money? It's basically I bought some stuff, I've returned it, and when I've returned it I get the credit. That's free money. That's right. So we're like they're paying me to shop and so why not shop? I'm like so why not shop?

Justin: 48:08

You've got to shop. If it's free, it's free.

Rhett: 48:09

There are people listening to this right now, going exactly that math works. And then there's others of you going oh, no, no, no, no, but you know 19 years, like yes, ma'am. Like hey you enjoy your free money, baby.

Justin: 48:22

That's right, we work it out yeah.

Rhett: 48:24

Because, man, I'm so blessed I get you, I'm so thankful. Well, we have a, and, man, there's so much trust with finances between us because, you know, she married into hell when it came to my finances, yeah. Well, that's a story right there and that's a whole other story in and of itself, of some not.

Justin: 48:44

Talk a little bit about reference episode five and six. Yeah, interview with Rhett Barton.

Rhett: 48:48

Yeah, exactly. And so, yeah, she was a huge part of getting me out of some debt that was incurred, not necessarily from decisions I made but from other decisions that kind of followed me. But anyway, all that to say, I'm just trying to honor her. I'm kidding with having some fun about 19 years in winning anniversary free money. But I want to be sure I paint the right picture.

Justin: 49:13

You do, rhett, and that's why I wanted to, when I even started our talk down this lane that I was going to originally say I love that we actually took a different direction. But one of the original thoughts I was going to say is one of our bonds that you and I have is like we both have high honor for our spouse.

Rhett: 49:32

A hundred percent.

Justin: 49:33

I honor for our spouse a hundred percent, and so I mean we, we share so much with each other, like I mean, other than what you know, summer's going to hear from me and what Linda's going to hear from you, the depths of intimacy.

Rhett: 49:45

Yeah.

Justin: 49:45

Like my second person I can go to and tell other things. It's going to be you, but I have only heard out of your lips the positive like, but I have only heard out of your lips the positive like the wonders of who Linda is, and that's what I've always. That's what I think draws us together in this, because we love our spouses, we love Summer, we love Linda so much and we recognize that anything that we do like it's a partnership with them.

Justin: 50:13

It is, and so the talking that I started out with with the whole the old man like the ball and chain, like that, never computed with me, because I always wanted to have that family. I always saw a spouse, as this is someone who not yeah it's not. It's not going to complete me. I had enough relationship with Jesus to know I'm not looking for someone to to complete me. I was already whole on my own. I would have been fine with with Jesus and to develop. I was who I was.

Rhett: 50:46

That's funny. You say that, cause I bring me back to that.

Jillian Chambers: 50:49

Cause I wasn't there.

Rhett: 50:51

I think I believed it. I just didn't communicate it the right way I am.

Justin: 50:54

I am completely. I was whole when I met Summer and I let her know that.

Justin: 50:59

And she was whole, like she went through the process where she would say she became whole and we married as two wholes and that was a big language with us and so she was. I mean, she became my best friend, like, truly like. I mean obviously I can say all the other lines of love in my life. I'm passionately in love, still more now at 25 years than I've ever been, but the words just don't even do justice anymore because we're at such a depth we're just now getting to certain intimacies and vulnerabilities, as we're hitting this level of our own journeys, that it's like it's wonderful and the whole ball and chain never made sense. So what I noticed is there's kind of this guy's club you know that you could grow up around where it's like we tell our secrets and misery loves company, yeah, and then we just kind of talk about it. We I'd be in locker rooms, I'd be, you name it and people are talking about their spouses and I would never jump in.

Justin: 51:58

It's gross, it's just like you will never hear a negative thing about Summer Bradshaw.

Rhett: 52:02

Yeah.

Justin: 52:03

And I just wouldn't ever go there. It just never hit I mean even the thought of it hitting my mind. Like this woman, she is amazing from day one. Anytime there's been that secret of anybody who would say now, let me just tell you this, if it even seems like a secret, that I'm like are you telling me something, you're expecting that I'm not going to tell my wife, she knows everything, because I am not sworn by any confidentiality. If you talk to me, you're talking to my wife, of course, because you're one.

Rhett: 52:32

You're either one or you're not. Yeah, now she's different because she's a licensed therapist. Yeah, it's different.

Justin: 52:37

I don't know who she meets with because I don't need to know.

Rhett: 52:40

There's laws and everything in place for that. There's confidentiality reports.

Justin: 52:43

Exactly All that stuff, I don't need to know, but when it comes to intimacy and friendship and what we're going through, if you ever try to even come in that whisper tone of like no, this is just between us, you know, not really summer, I'm like I will stop you in your tracks.

Rhett: 52:58

Yeah, I'll say Then don't share it with me, brother, because it's going right to her, because I thought about it, I will not.

Justin: 53:04

I will not keep this from my wife. Yeah, she is part of everything and we've just had that bond and and she is like my best friend who, like I, want to be with her. Yeah, I want to spend time with her. Yeah, I want to do ministry with her. But you've grown to that level.

Rhett: 53:20

And Linda and I have grown to that level too, absolutely, and you're.

Justin: 53:23

But you built it's building blocks though. Yeah, you've got. You know, and anybody who's listening to this you know. Maybe you're stepping into marriage or you're trying to make your marriage better. It takes a lot of intentional work. So everything that I'm saying, none of this takes a lot of humility, it doesn't mean that it's easy.

Jillian Chambers: 53:39

Yeah, it takes a lot of humility.

Justin: 53:41

We are constantly negotiating and sacrificing our own wants and desires for one another, but yet I feel like all my wants and desires get fulfilled.

Rhett: 53:51

I tell people, yeah, it's really good. I tell people you don't realize how selfish you are until you get married. But you really don't realize how selfish you are until you have kids, Brother married, Boom Bang. And so whenever I'm walking an individual through premarital counseling I haven't done that in a while but if I remember correctly, I always kind of kid with them, Like if I can talk y'all out of getting married before you get married, like if we were going through all these sex and family and finances, and if I can create enough like moments to where you guys are like I don't think we should get married because we can't see eye to eye on anything, Well, you probably shouldn't get married. You know what I'm saying.

Rhett: 54:34

Now I'm not purposely going at this trying to wreck you, because that's not what I'm doing, but I am trying to push enough buttons here and get a conversation toward that conflict thing we talked about, right? Not just keeping the peace, because being able to communicate with each other in a way that honors each other, to where you can survive this over time, because if they can work through these hard issues now, then they're going to be successful in their marriage, Right. So in these pre-marital counseling sessions, I'm always reminding the husband. I'm like, OK, so we're going to get to this point. Right, we're going to read this verse and you know I'm going to read this part to the wife. She's going to repeat it and you're going to repeat it, and it's this whole idea of you. Know they're the biggest thing the wife is asked to do is to really honestly love and respect her husband. But all the things that the husband's asked to do according to scripture is basically to die.

Justin: 55:23

Yeah, I'm going to die as.

Rhett: 55:24

Christ loved the church. Yes, I'm going to give my life to you. What did Christ do? Yeah, he died. Yeah, like 100%. So if you're not willing to die, right. That's true.

Justin: 55:37

Come on, you're speaking my language now.

Rhett: 55:40

You shouldn't take the next step. And so because at the end of the day talking about the selfish thing, right, you know, you don't realize how selfish you are until you get married. Because when you get married and you realize how selfish you are in anybody who's been married or even in a relationship, you realize, wow, I've got, you've got enough awareness about you. You realize, man, I like things the way they are.

Rhett: 55:58

I want my AC where it's set, I want my music where it's set, I want my room where it's set. I've got you know, and anyways, you just got your routines and habits in life, but I'm always reminding them like, listen, when a hard time comes, remember you, as the husband, are called to lay down your life. It doesn't mean to become a doormat, that's not what I'm saying, but at the end of the day, my life is lived to serve her the way Christ came to serve the church, and that is a huge commitment. That goes way beyond words. And so when times get tough, I'm always like, hey, you know what?

Rhett: 56:36

Like you know 19 years, 25 years of marriage, right, you don't get there overnight. You get there through a lot of honest, intentional or sometimes unintentional conversations and and you've got to learn how to work and communicate with each other. And you had mentioned with you and summer, um, to where you guys are out and even more intimate and that's more. You know that's not in a sexual connotation, but like this deep emotional connection, right? So I would say that probably five years ago is when I started to learn. Just like five years ago, like whoa man, I've been missing it. You know a lot of conversations. I would make more about me, and then I'd realize wait a minute, I need to, I need to shift, I need to, you know. So all that, to say.

Justin: 57:19

You were positioned, though, to receive that message, because even the day you got married, you are loyal. You have been, it's still, it's still what I love about you. Like like I wouldn't, I've never heard a negative thing on your lips about linda, I mean, I mean, I think. I mean, obviously I know she's great because I get to know her, but I I knew she was great before I met her, because that's all I ever heard about her she has to be great to put up with me, that's for sure.

Rhett: 57:47

But 100 well I'm not gonna comment on that well, I'm the man that I am because of her, and i'll'll tell you that right now, 100%, oh man, we would not be anything we are without our wives.

Justin: 57:57

There is no doubt about it. But but you were learning new things, you and Linda, to go deeper. But you also built a framework early on of love and support, where she felt cherished and loved, so that when there was that moment of hard time that y'all had to go to another level, you'd already built a great plat like a great platform, a great foundation. So, now you're getting new insights about yourself, which was wonderful.

Jillian Chambers: 58:23

Yeah.

Justin: 58:23

But you've, you've. I mean I'm trying to. I want to make sure you're getting honored when I'm talking because you, you put so much love and focus on her and I only heard good stuff.

Rhett: 58:35

I'll never forget when we made the decision to be a one-income family, and this was just because she was like I want the formidable years of our son. I just want to be there. We made a huge sacrifice.

Rhett: 58:47

Man, that girl could have made a ton of money doing what she was doing. She owned her own salon at one point. And so here I am, working one job and then realizing that ain't enough, and she's like in tears, come home Like I don't know how we're going to pay the rent. You know, I'm like, well, I'll go out and deliver pizzas.

Rhett: 59:05

And literally there was a season of my life where I was working as up early, ride the train downtown Dallas, work to five o'clock, ride the train an hour back, come home just enough to kiss her on the forehead, make a sandwich, grab a sandwich or whatever, and then head out the door to deliver pizzas. And then, if that wasn't enough, I was going to church at the time and I'd played guitar, but I wasn't that great, but I knew how to teach G chord, capos, all that stuff. And I remember these kids parents were like do you know anybody that teaches guitar lessons? I'm like, I know I don't, but I, I can do it. They're like, really, you know I was like, yes, in fact, I will teach them, as far as I know can get them to a level, and then, once they surpass me, we'll find somebody else for them.

Rhett: 59:47

I was like, if I just be the in-between you know next thing, I know I got like eight students, yeah, and so between working the full-time job, then coming home and then, you know, doing guitar lessons and then pizza for a long time, yes, like the sacrifices we made, I do not wish that upon my worst enemy. That is a hard time to live and there are people that are listening that can understand and relate to that.

Rhett: 1:00:09

But man, there was so many moments of that where I felt like, oh, we just got to do whatever we got to do you know and there wasn't, but the time we have now, like I'm just, I think for me, I'm just so grateful that we're at a place to where I can actually sit down, have a conversation and go deep with just listening. Before I didn't know how to do that. Hey, guys, red here Just want to take a moment and say thank you to every single one of you who yeah, before I didn't know how to do that you can find us there at Armchair Authentic, or you can go on over to X. Find us there as well, at Armchair Auth Pod. That's Armchair Auth A-U-T-H-P-O-D. All right.

Rhett: 1:01:02

Now back to the conversation. So prime example sitting in our chairs, end of the day how was your day? And just shut up, let her talk and not try to fix it. Yeah, it's a big deal right there, right, and I always knew that. But like no, no, no. And then whenever, whenever I would sense in a moment where I would feel like I knew the answer to this, but I realized it's not really about the answer. She already knows the answer. It's just about connecting with that feeling and that emotion and going man, that sounds tough, that sounds hard, that's difficult. When I started to be intentional with that and only learn that through counseling. When I've started to learn that and apply that, it's amazing how much more our relationship would begin to flourish and just grow. And because you're connecting on a deeper level, it's not just the oh, let me fix that. Oh, I got the answer to this, okay. No, it's like let's just sit in this and be okay with this a little bit, you know.

Justin: 1:01:56

I can think back on when we decided, like I always had that thought you got to finish college before you get married and we just began thinking like why do I think that? Yeah, I just think me and my, I just thought you had to. Maybe my dad, like I mean, but why wait? We've been dating three years.

Jillian Chambers: 1:02:15

We know each other's the one we're going to figure it out.

Justin: 1:02:18

Well, she was about to graduate. I still had like two years left and so, not because we're separated by two to three years, but because I just I wasn't moving along my coursework. I was holding off music. I should have just majored in music, but I was holding off. Rhett helped me get in. That. That's a whole other story. But Summer graduates I can only work like 17 hours a week at the Carpenter Shop, christian Bookstore in Birmingham or Vestavia Hills, alabama. And so Summer was like the major. She had to make the majority of the money and she had like two, three jobs. I mean, it was just crazy and as a man you know it can be hard to talk like that, but I've gotten over all that, whatever that's how it was.

Justin: 1:03:01

We agreed that's how we get married. We made it work, but we would. I would go pick her up.

Rhett: 1:03:05

I told Linda, like you can be my sugar mama all day long, like you go make all that money or whatever it is, you just keep doing that thing. Whatever it is, man Absolutely. I'll be the person that I'll be that husband that's got that nonprofit that just needs to be funded from your wife. I'm kidding. But at the same time we've got ministry.

Justin: 1:03:24

that needs to be done and if God's, using you in this season to fund that baby. Let's go Well for us.

Jillian Chambers: 1:03:30

I just wanted to graduate school and we would.

Justin: 1:03:33

I just remember she worked at Tony Roma's. We'd go over there every Thursday night. Yeah, we would have rent due literally the next day and we would have just enough she would make in tips to actually get that done and do it. Yeah, and it was just awesome. I mean, don't make me tell the Elton John story now.

Rhett: 1:03:53

You remember that you mentioned something earlier and I want to come tag back to it. It was this whole idea of you're a whole person marrying a whole person. Now, I knew that in theory. But we're sitting in marriage counseling, linda and I with our pastors, and they're like why do you want to marry Linda? Kind of thing like she completes me. And they're like why do you want to marry him?

Rhett: 1:04:14

Oh, he doesn't complete me, I'm already whole, so like this is her answer I am whole and I'm like okay all right, there you go, if that says anything about the woman I married. She was whole. I was half and the whole healed the half and now I'm whole, and so now we have two holes in this marriage. But I was like, no, that's wow, such a slap in the face to the culture that we live in. It's such a beautiful line. In Hollywood you can play bull hockey it's called the Jerry Maguire marriage.

Justin: 1:04:47

You completely a lot of people stepping into it. You got crazy in-law marriage. Now you're sucking the life out of people to complete you, man.

Rhett: 1:04:57

That's a lot of weight on that individual to feel like oh man, I'm their salvation, I've got to be your everything. Nah, that doesn't work, man, that's weighty stuff, it does not work. And so, yeah, two whole in Christ, I'm whole, she's whole right, and together we make a whole.

Justin: 1:05:16

Yeah, god's math makes sense.

Rhett: 1:05:18

It really does, Even though in your mind it doesn't make sense. But it does make sense.

Justin: 1:05:22

Yeah, it sounds ridiculous is today's all that new math they're trying, but God's math actually it doesn't make sense, but it makes sense.

Rhett: 1:05:30

Dude, like two plus two is four and I just want to get there as quick as I can. I don't need to take a whole roadmap around the United States of America, show me the work, bull. Yeah.

Justin: 1:05:41

Just here's the answer. How do you know? That's the answer. I just know, I just yeah. I see it, don't show me the work I don't like do you really need to see that? Is the work I mean? And then the teacher used to tell us like well, you're not going to get to have a calculator everywhere you go.

Rhett: 1:05:54

It's like yeah, my son works with a calculator all day.

Justin: 1:05:59

You can use your computers. You can use Google.

Rhett: 1:06:02

You can use everything.

Justin: 1:06:03

Let me show off a little bit 338,000 times 432.

Jillian Chambers: 1:06:07

Watch, I'll tell you right now and.

Rhett: 1:06:10

I can talk to somebody in order of pizza at the same time, they would always say you'll not always have a calculator with him Like well, by God, this is long on the planet.

Justin: 1:06:18

I'm addicted to this little device and on this little device it is my addiction. It's got a little calculator on it. It's so true, man. Yeah, man, you said earlier, Ephesians 5 is so true it is it's like?

Rhett: 1:06:30

hey?

Justin: 1:06:31

wives, where it talks about honor and submit to your husbands, and that's been a verse that people only hear for so long.

Justin: 1:06:38

But hey, it's not hard to submit to a guy who the verse will finish. People don't like to finish that verse as much. They love to say, wives, submit to your husband, but they don't like to say, hey, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. If we want to break it down, Christ came and loved us when we were running around on him. We were running around cheating on him and he came to us in that moment.

Justin: 1:07:03

It's very true, and the guy's side of me does not want to admit this, but there is some terms that me and my wife had to come to, or that really I had to come to, that I wanted to be able to express to her and this would be like I mean, I don't expect people to have to go along with this, but I told Summer this and I had to establish this in myself. But I told her this and I didn't realize what a healing process it became that she would later tell me for her. But if I'm going to live that verse out, there is nothing that you can do that will make me leave you. Yeah, nothing. Yeah, where's your mind go when I say that? Everybody listening?

Rhett: 1:07:43

yeah, there's nothing we were talking about this earlier. We were there's nothing you can do.

Justin: 1:07:46

That's gonna make me ever step away like I'm. I'm in it, yeah, I'm in it like I do not like better or for worse till death.

Rhett: 1:07:53

Do his part or it's not. Yeah, or it's not right or it's not.

Justin: 1:07:56

So don't, don't, don't put all that crap in there and have that sweet little moment when you're out, the first moment that someone acts human and does something stupid. Yeah, stupid can happen. Yep, now do I want that to happen? Heck, no, no, oh, my gosh, I want to punch somebody thinking about it, but I'm not out.

Jillian Chambers: 1:08:14

Yeah.

Justin: 1:08:15

I'm in. I will work through this and I remember, you know, sharing that with some. It was almost more for me to have to be able to say it, maybe because of the pride that I dealt with and the sense of justice like you will never do wrong to me. Or maybe maybe it was reversing a curse that I put on myself all these years as a kid. I don't know, but I just know when I released her from that and said there's nothing you can do Like I'm in this with you, just know, when I released her from that and said there's nothing you can do Like I'm in this with you, she would later tell me that began this healing process with her, where she had to even learn how to trust that that statement meant what it actually said.

Justin: 1:08:50

But you know what? I've never had a problem and just kind of go with me people. You know if you're being sensitive on this, if we're going to talk submission, I'll bring Summer in the room right now. I've never had a problem with Summer submitting to me and we don't even think that way. It feels it's like my mind don't even think that. But if we're going to break it down and talk about submit, summer would tell you right now.

Rhett: 1:09:12

If he says we're going, I trust him, no questions asked Because you've laid down your life and died in every area to serve her, to honor her. You better believe it, and I'm still finding new areas when they get exposed.

Justin: 1:09:24

I have to walk through a process to die to that. But if I'm trying to become a husband that loves my wife as Christ loves the church number one, I'll never live up to that. But I can do my darndest to actually try, and so that means I'm going to express myself in that way. There's nothing that she can do that makes me out. She can upset me, she could hurt my feelings, she could crush my heart with actions that could happen, but I'm in this for better or for worse, and we've lived with that. It's funny we would usually wait until at our church uh, we do small groups. It would be like you know if, if you're envisioning just gathering with a group of people, we used to always have small groups for young married and I usually waited till about week three or week four to say that statement and I would just drop that on them and you could feel the weight of the room.

Justin: 1:10:19

Oh yeah, but once again, I don't back down from it. I've said that now for probably 24 of our 25 years.

Justin: 1:10:29

I feel like I'm living in it better now, 25 years later, and I don't know that every pastor who's going to listen to this under the sound of my voice likes that, because I would question you and say, if you hear what I have to say and it's a tough pill to swallow good, it needs to be a tough pill for you to swallow. You need to go, get and spend some time with God until you can come out of there and say you know what? I'm at least willing to think about saying I won't be out if something like that happened, because it means you're arrogant, you're going through pride, and the only way to get out of that is to set your rights to the side and just get into the throne room and say God, help me to be more like you so that I can be whatever I'm supposed to be to my spouse, my children. You can actually be a part to help them grow, to help them flourish, to bring the best out in them. They're your helpmate as well. You can bring the best out in them. They're going to live to bring the best out in you.

Justin: 1:11:27

Like Rhett, you were just saying how you were in that process of feeling like a half. I think you had to become that whole. But you were challenged by your wife, so she got to help, be a part to make you better, even though you had to go walk and discover it on your own. But we're just so out on marriages these days.

Rhett: 1:11:43

Yeah.

Justin: 1:11:44

We're just, it's like we don't, we're, we have to fight. There's too much condition Like it's okay to fight yeah.

Rhett: 1:11:49

Fight for your marriage. Yeah, fight fair. There's a godly way to fight for your marriage.

Justin: 1:11:54

Hang in there, put yourself on the line, and it doesn't mean become a doormat no it doesn't mean to be manipulated.

Rhett: 1:11:59

It doesn't mean to be taken advantage of, it doesn't mean to be, you know, anything toxic for you to deal with, like there's a healthy way to find healing in all parties and there's a, there's a road to recovery and all that that's right, but to to be willing not just to give up and walk away. Yeah, one incident, that one mistake shouldn't define you know, yeah, yeah, your future, and it takes two to tango. It does, it takes both.

Justin: 1:12:24

The other party doesn't have to reciprocate. And you know what, if you've gone through that and you're number one, there's grace in everything I'm saying. If you've already gone through this, even if you abandon somebody, you are completely forgiven. If you have walked in that and you can't do anything about it now, maybe they've remarried. Whatever it is, you are what it is now, but grace surrounds you and you can start fresh, even right now. There's people who's hearing this now and you're going through some marriage crisis right now. As long as both parties are saying I'm at least open to try, there's hope. Thank.

Rhett: 1:13:00

God.

Justin: 1:13:00

Thank.

Rhett: 1:13:01

God, god doesn't walk out on us and we screw up.

Justin: 1:13:03

Man, I'm so glad, I think that's the beautiful thing about marriage.

Rhett: 1:13:06

It's just another beautiful picture of what marriage is a relationship of trust and a relationship of choice too. And how many times have we messed up on God?

Jillian Chambers: 1:13:22

You know, he didn't walk out on us.

Rhett: 1:13:23

Never leave you nor forsake you. Right, he laid down his life for us. He sacrificed everything to provide that opportunity for us to have that grace through Christ. Thank God for that man, and I just think, yeah, I'm with you. I mean like every situation is different and there is no um, there's no shame, for whatever decisions you've made. You can only move forward. Grace, grace, 100%. But I would say, man, you know, when a husband lays down his life the way Christ loves the church and he loves and values in, you know the it says, washes her with the word. You know that means understanding God's character, his nature, his attributes, his walking and living within the fruits of the spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, self-control within a marriage and demonstrating that and playing those types of seeds into your wife, man, I haven't met one woman yet that would ever say I would have any problem following. Let's use that word instead of submit right.

Rhett: 1:14:23

Following the lead, or an example of a man that would lay down his life like that.

Justin: 1:14:27

I mean not at all.

Rhett: 1:14:28

And also give the grace to know hey, you know what, I'm human too. We make mistakes. But let's work through whatever that is. And I know our minds always go to the big rocks, like well an affair or whatever it is. But like, sometimes there are little things, little things that become such a huge mountain in our eyes to think, well, I can't put up with that. You know the rest of my life, he's annoying, or whatever. Well, all right, look, we've got to learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way. Yeah, it brings peace, brings us together. How to deal with conflict in a healthy way. Yeah, it brings peace, brings us together.

Justin: 1:15:00

Yeah, and we could go we could go on another hour talking about marriage and and the terms we've learned. Turn the songs, turn the TV, whatever. Turn it off If it makes you see a a picture of something that is not really possible or even orchestrated the way God created it or walk out of that locker room environment whatever. Or walk out of that locker room environment, whatever, that might be.

Rhett: 1:15:19

If you're hanging around dudes that are talking trash about their wives, dude, find you a new group, yep.

Justin: 1:15:23

Seriously.

Rhett: 1:15:28

Whatever takes away your energy whether that's just affection.

Justin: 1:15:32

Same thing for women too. Your sexual energy, whatever it is, on both parties, whatever it is that is taking that away, whether it's your socials, whether it's TV, whether it's music, whether it's a magazine, whether it's tv, whether it's music, whether it's a magazine, whether it's your friends, your circle, your group you hang out with or golf or golf, you know, step away from it I kid.

Rhett: 1:15:49

some people ask me man, you like to play golf? I love to play golf. How often do you play? Not as much as I like to. Why? Because I want my family. Yeah, that's right. Like I tell people. I kid like you can either be really good at golf and really suck at your family, or you can be really good at your family and suck at golf. Yeah, because like it takes so much time. Yeah, it takes like an 18-hole round is like could be up to like five, six hours. Yeah, and I'm like I tell people in this season of my life, the most important thing isn't that I'm on the golf course, it's that I'm with my family. I'll have the golf course later, that's fine.

Justin: 1:16:23

But, I'll play nine holes.

Rhett: 1:16:24

I'm good, recognize your season too, just whatever you are.

Justin: 1:16:28

That's why you and I are in this world of being pastors.

Justin: 1:16:31

That's why pastors there's pastors who are making terrible decisions right now. Because it's easy to justify the good thing, like we talked about last week, like we were in church when we were young and it seemed like church rats were there every time and I loved our time in church but it was a way to escape having to actually have conflict. It was conflict avoidance in the name of like, I've just got high EQ. In the same way, as a pastor, we can easily justify and say I'm at a conference, I'm going to go do this, I'm going to go speak at this place, all in the name of the kingdom. And I want to kind of call bull on some of this, because your season right now get home with your family.

Jillian Chambers: 1:17:09

You don't have to go, do that.

Justin: 1:17:10

You don't have to go speak at that. If you're saying you're doing that because I'm furthering the mission, somebody might be, but there's also going to be a harmony in the home where you know that's our mission. Some of you are doing that because it's a way to get out of the house and feel important again. Because of the house, you're cleaning up a bunch of junk you got to do the dishes at home.

Rhett: 1:17:28

Yeah, you're, you're, you're average ordinary Joe. Get out there and cut the grass, throw the trash out you know, go pick up the poop out of the backyard from the dog.

Justin: 1:17:40

But honey, I've got this event. I got to go to when you're really living in fear that you think, if you miss out on the event, that it's going to pass you by because your identity is locked in what your career or your quote ministry is and you're forsaken the main ministry. That's right there, when you could be growing a thriving marriage. We can talk.

Rhett: 1:17:58

Which is the biggest ministry you're called to, but we, when you could be growing a thriving marriage, we can talk this too, but we're talking marriage right now. It's the biggest ministry you're called to. As your family, you can grow a thriving marriage right now.

Justin: 1:18:07

You guys will do this together one day in a whole other level that you can do it right now.

Rhett: 1:18:12

We'll take away somebody who might not be married but has a kid. Well then, the same thing applies Be home with your son, be home with your daughter. Do everything you can, but know that the biggest investment isn't what you can bring to the table for finances or money, it's your time. Yeah, it's. You're looking at them in the eyes. It's your encouragement, it's your availability of being with them.

Rhett: 1:18:33

Yes, right, and man I yeah we could go on and on with this. It's so fun to talk about. I think the biggest thing that I always want to do with people not only who are listening, but who I've done life with it's real easy for them to look at. Oh, 19 years, 25 years, must be lucky to be you or you got a really good wife, or you didn't have my wife, or you don't have my husband. I mean, if you just only knew and I'm thinking, no, no, it took work on all ends right, and this just didn't happen overnight.

Rhett: 1:19:04

It's a work in progress but it's the understanding of being whole on both ends doing the work, building the community, having the infrastructure of the local church and community, and growing together and submission together in serving together. And you know what I mean. It's so cause I mean, dude, like the, I guess all I'm saying it's not always rainbows, butterflies and unicorns. There's hard conversations, but it's how to lovingly have those hard conversations that are in the best interest of each other. That's right. You don't get there overnight. You get there by making the stupid decision, saying gosh, and have said that, oh, I'm sorry. Well, it's on the air now, you know.

Rhett: 1:19:41

And I'm like, and it's always me, you know.

Jillian Chambers: 1:19:43

I'm like right and I and.

Rhett: 1:19:44

I'm. Those become less and less over time, cause hopefully I'm, I'm, I'm willing to get smarter and coach myself. You know, okay, if ever given another opportunity, I'm not going to do that again you know what.

Rhett: 1:19:56

I mean, and so I say that to say like, if I hope you're looking at this through the lens, or hearing this through the lens of two guys they don't have it all figured out but two guys that have worked, worked and worked, really, really, really, really, really, really hard. And so have our wives too. You know they don't have to work as hard as we do, but you know, for me, I mean, you know, when you marry perfection, I'm just saying she's amazing that's right, but I just hope, like there's hope, there's hope, and we all want that microwave moment.

Rhett: 1:20:26

You know, throw it in the microwave 30 seconds, boom, the meal's ready. We're there, dude, oh perfect. It doesn't happen that way, it's not reality. What do we say?

Justin: 1:20:40

Crock pot.

Justin: 1:20:40

Yeah, we want a microwave moment, if you will, but we serve a crock pot, god you know, it's like it just takes time and and um, yeah, and it's okay, you can mess up. All these things happen, but you learn. It's like the conflict avoidance Once again restaurant reference from last, last week conflict avoidance the best growth happens when you actually are iron, sharpening iron, and you have conflict. That's happening and you feel like I'm so angry right now, but it's like if you pursue it, you will work through this and you come out. You come out so much stronger. It's like if you're in a fight right now and it's like call a timeout, call a timeout, meet back 30 minutes later. Go do the dishes, do whatever you're going to do, meet back and you'll realize. Most of the time we're arguing over something stupid and my temper has now set in right now and it was something that could have been alleviated quick. Usually it's my arrogance that ends up happening.

Rhett: 1:21:30

Hey, no, that's good. Like the best words you can learn how to say is I'm sorry, Forgive me, Please forgive me. I mean like humble yourself, man.

Rhett: 1:21:39

You know, and man, I've I've learned how to say that a lot, in, in, in, not just in a knee jerk response to try to bring peace. Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say that. Oh, you know, can we go back and you'd be better? Oh, can we? Okay, I can breathe again, thank you. No, no, like really repentant.

Rhett: 1:21:54

Like understanding what you said or or whatever the situation was, understanding the effect and the impact those words or that action had, in apologizing for not only doing it but how it made that person feel to connect with them relationally and um, that that that's been huge for me over time. I know we're this is not a parenting conversation, but it just had. I had this thought a lot of people in my son parenting conversation, but I just had this thought A lot of people and my son glass cage for a while as a PK not so much now with what we do, but he's always been a really, really good kid, just a well-rounded individual. If you meet him, you're going to see somebody who's very kind say yes, sir yes, ma'am, he's a good kid for sure.

Rhett: 1:22:38

Look you in the eye, shake your hand, lean in, listen. He's still a teenager, he's still a kid. He makes mistakes. But when he was three or four years old, we'd get a lot of this oh you just got lucky. Oh, you just got lucky. It's the lazy response oh, you don't have my kid. If you had my kid, man, I wish I would have. Like you got lucky. That kid is just, you know, so nice and so kind and and our response is we appreciate what you're trying to say, but we didn't get lucky. Okay, we've been very intentional.

Justin: 1:23:11

Yeah.

Rhett: 1:23:12

And it's tiring, it's exhausting, it's constant correction, it's constant love with correction, truth and grace and comfort and encouragement. And hey, remember it's yes, sir, for us Southerners it's a big deal. Some people in the current country could care less.

Justin: 1:23:26

They get mad.

Rhett: 1:23:28

But like hey, I want you to look next time, look them in the eyes and shake their hand, give a firm handshake. You know, whatever just behavior modification, but a heart transformation tied into learning how to be a emotional, aware human being and how to be attentive and how to operate in this world. You know, and, and I'll just tell parents, man, no, like it's, it has nothing to do with luck, man, it's just all about intentionality and and and there should be consequences, you know, and those consequences look different with every action and there needs to be a a, um, an accountability to everything you know, to teach and train your kids.

Rhett: 1:24:05

Same thing happens in marriage. Any great relationship, intentionality, making time being accountable to it and creating the boundaries around it to help it grow to be healthy. That's right. You know, I always think of a fire. You know, in the Northwest very dry climate, they always have fire bans right, where, like, hey, don't make any fires because the ground is like it could spark and you could create this huge wildfire. But even when it's not a burn ban, if you will, or you know, they have these moments where they're like, hey, you can have fires as long as they're contained. Because when they're contained within the rocks or within whatever boundary you set, what do fires do?

Rhett: 1:24:47

they bring warmth they bring a provision you can heat food, you can cook food like they're wonderful like marriage more is oh, make s'mores fires are an amazing thing, but the moment the boundary leaves in the moment because spark jumps out of that boundary, a wildfire can happen. And what happens? Death, destruction, toil, heartache, chaos. And I just think the same is true with marriage. You get that or any great relationship, healthy boundaries, intentionality, but you gotta have intentionality with those boundaries. It can be a very life giving relationship, you know. So we can keep talking, but yeah, a very life giving relationship.

Justin: 1:25:20

Yeah, so we can keep talking, but yeah, yeah, I mean hey, happy anniversary week.

Rhett: 1:25:24

Happy anniversary, baby. I got you on my mind. I stole that one from R and B baby.

Justin: 1:25:31

Do they still do that, rick and Bob? Oh, they're no longer.

Rhett: 1:25:34

Oh, they are. Hey, well, that's our thing now.

Justin: 1:25:42

The Rick version thing. Now the rick verges. Yeah, no, it is true, man this is. It's such a fun week, yeah, and obviously a topic we're very, very passionate about and we would lean in if anybody has comments. You want to send us stuff with more questions?

Justin: 1:25:49

we'd be happy to open that up as we continue to expand topics as we're going to be hitting summertime before you know it, but we are definitely passionate about this subject because, man, we love our wives. We're better men because of what they've done for us and the role that they play in our lives. So grateful.

Rhett: 1:26:09

Hey and Linda, if you're listening probably not, that's because you're incredibly busy. I love you. Happy anniversary, baby. I got you on my arm.

Justin: 1:26:19

Happy anniversary, my sonny. Love you. Congrats on your doctorate.

Rhett: 1:26:23

Yes, congratulations, awesome. We love you guys. See you next Monday On the next episode of Armchair Authentic our conversation with a woman of God who is ferociously in love with Jesus. She's a God chaser, a freedom fighter, a public speaker, life coach, author, widow and widow's advocate. This is someone who has learned how to see God in the midst of their pain.

Jillian Chambers: 1:26:50

A little sneak peek of our conversation with Jillian Chambers Even in the midst of our trauma and our pain, if we will allow God to, he will show Himself. He will reveal to us that he's with us. You know, I felt so abandoned. To be honest with you, I think sometimes we see pain as punishment and I remember I kept thinking Lord, what did I do wrong that he had to die Like? What did I miss? And the Lord was like this isn't about anything that you've done wrong, you just have to trust me. You know, we all have a life script, whether we admit it or not. We kind of think things are going to turn out a certain way by a certain time. And I remember having to surrender my script because this was nothing that I would have ever written in my life. I mean, I just turned 50 years old. That's not. I don't want to be a widow. It was on my 2020 vision list to become a widow and I didn't even understand that world at all.

Rhett: 1:27:46

Man, we cannot wait for that conversation, but until then, we hope you have a wonderful day, Stay safe and we will see you next Monday for a new episode of Armchair Authentic right here with your friends Rhett and Justin. We'll see you soon.