Dads Who Carry the Weight Silently

David Barry 0:00

It's the dads who carry the weight , it's the dads who silently shoulder all of the burden , and then they have their come aparts in private . If they even have a come apart , most of them keep it bottled up , and it could be from any type of trauma from the trauma of having a child with a disability , the trauma of having a parent die , the trauma of going through a divorce , the traumas that can happen inside of a business or church . I kept everything bottled up . Authenticity is something that I struggled with for decades that I could get into a small group or a group of people and I would not be authentic . There was so much shame . Therapy has been life-changing Just talking about the disappointments and the hurts caused by me and my decisions and others because of circumstances .

Reconnecting After Two Decades

Rhett 1:16

And that's where I am on this journey , hey everyone podcast , where we're stewarding our stories , our conversations and our relationships in a way that serve you , by having real conversations about real life with real people . Now , justin and I could not be more excited about today's conversation because we are taking it back , folks , that's right . Over two decades ago , there was a man who was very integral in both of our lives when it comes to our relationship with God and giving us our first opportunity for platform ministry . So , without further ado , here's our conversation with our friend , david Berry .

Justin 2:04

Well , rhett , we're here again for another episode of Armchair Authentic , and this has kind of been like our what we would make up on the spot and just call it , I don't know our summer series where we're just having some conversations with our friends . Of course , we're not necessarily . As you've heard . In previous episodes we've had certain special guests come in where we might not really know the person and we're getting to know about them . But we've been able to have some friends come on this podcast and we'll continue to do so . But today we have a friend of ours who you've probably mentioned , or , if you've listened to the previous episodes , you've heard his name mentioned . Yeah , and it's the one and only David Berry . Let's go .

Rhett 2:43

It is so good to have you on the podcast man .

David Barry 2:45

Absolutely . It's great to be here and just great to reconnect with with you guys and just kind of , you know , talk about our journeys that we , you know , all three of us traveled .

Rhett 2:57

Yeah , absolutely , and , truth be told , I know you and Justin have reconnected and had some intentionality there , cause , I mean , you both live in the same city for crying out loud . I , however , have lived in some different places and not had the opportunity to like reconnect . So this is live in action reconnecting for me , and I'm literally trying to think , david , how long it's been . So I would have been 16 years old , yeah , In 1993 .

Rhett 3:23

So 1993 is when I first met you and the youth group . We can talk about that in a little bit , but I'm trying to remember it . Probably 94 , 95 , I don't know 95 , 96 somewhere .

Justin 3:34

We're about two decades for you not talking with David . Two decades .

Rhett 3:38

So I , you know , I just think that's so cool how all of a sudden things are full circle , we're reconnecting , and I'm so grateful for that and I can't wait to jump into your journey . And in fact I'm kind of blank slate here , just kind of like , you know , picking up where I left off two decades ago , and I know God's done a lot and there's been a lot of transitions in all our lives in different ways .

David Barry 4:11

And just for me being honest , bro , I'm really really looking forward to just hanging out today . So thank you for your time and doing this with us . Yeah , I mean I am too . I mean I was honored when you guys reached out and I know that you know , justin and I have , you know , shared some cups of coffee and some danishes and stuff you know over the years and um , but yeah , just , you know , kind of following a little bit of your journey I think you were in the frozen tundra somewhere , boise .

Rhett 4:27

Idaho . I love Boise . It's amazing , but there is a price to pay for that . Beauty Like spring , summer and fall are amazing , but that those winter months for a Southern boy like me . I learned real quick man .

David Barry 4:38

Well , welcome back to brutal summers and moderate winters , that's right .

Rhett 4:45

Well , I welcome it with open arms Every time I'm in this humidity . I'm

David's Journey to Youth Ministry

Rhett 4:47

like you love this humidity , you love this humidity , like I gotta speak it till . I believe it , I guess .

Justin 4:50

Well , and to bring everybody up to speed . If this is your first time to hear it , you've heard David Berry's name mentioned on our podcast . Really , even just some episodes ago , we were talking about our first chance where we were given an opportunity on a stage and we just thought , man , it would be really cool to have David , just to reminisce , and he have his coffee against , you know , at his table . We'll have ours and we'll look at each other on this video conferencing that we're doing right now to actually see his handsome face , his mug he's . I mean in two ways mug face and mug coffee . But but so so getting everybody up to speed , um , david , you played such an impactful role in our lives in a very formidable years with me and , and just because it's , it's cool for me to tell this story , uh , this is now kind of putting , now , kind of putting the voice to the name that we've said , because it would have been even before that . I'll go back further .

Justin 5:53

I used to go to this gym at Parkway Christian Academy all the time , because it's a school that I went to and we used to , or we lived in these apartments where I could walk home and I could walk to the school . So I was , me and Rhett were literally like the gym rats . We were always there . And I remember one time it was almost like it became more exclusive because they attempted to do this deal at Parkway where you had to have like a membership to go into the gym . And , david , the first time I remember meeting you is you were youth pastor at Parkway but you were kind of also over the family life center and I remember I would have to , you would have to , I would have to go in there and show my name tag that showed my proof and I would put it back in the little filing cabinet and you were kind of the gatekeeper before we could go into the gym . Do ?

David Barry 6:44

you remember that ? Yeah , I mean it's , it's . I probably wasn't the youth pastor at that point because when I was first hired there , uh , they were building the , the , the family life center , and I was basically hired to be , I don't know , kind of like the recreation director , kind of like the cruise you know , kind of like the recreation director on a , on a on a cruise ship . My job was to um it , it , uh , it was to organize , you know , activities , schedule events . Uh , you know , scheduled the school time to do the basketball practices and volleyball , you know practices , and then you know , when the school was finished , using the gym and on weekends and so on , it , I mean it became a little bit like a YMCA .

David Barry 7:29

We tried to mirror it after some of the very successful , you know , recreation , church recreation centers in the Birmingham area . There were some that were really successful over at Dawson , shades Mountain and a few others , and so , yeah , that was my , you know that was my job . But on the other hand , you know , kind of my claim to fame was , yeah , I mean , you know I was a gatekeeper . If you didn't have a badge , then I got to engrave it , just spelled a few names and messed up more than I care to um , um , you know , imagine , but but in my role with the school , kind of you know scheduling things there , and then um was the elementary school just absolutely adored me because you know why ? I was a guy that had the keys to where the balls were . I was , yeah , I was nothing to them . That's the guy that can get to the balls , yeah .

Justin 8:27

You can unlock that closet and you can just let it roll yeah those were some fun times .

David Barry 8:33

And then of course , you know , went on to coach soccer and so on and then you know , after a few years was kind of the interim youth director . After a few years um was kind of the you know interim youth director and then when a couple people left , it's kind of like you know , um , I was just a logical choice to , to , to step in and then also gave me an opportunity to work a little bit more in um in the high school as kind of the chaplain and coordinating you know chapel services and of course , able to bring a little bit of a different um you know guest lineup and so on as , as you know , as speakers , to kind of just broaden you know the student bodies . You know exposure to um , you know to a wider spectrum Sorry I said that before of just you know speakers and and backgrounds .

Justin 9:25

Yeah . So now you know , thinking back on that , being a student in the school I didn't go to the church that you were affiliated with at that time , but I do remember you would come up , you would schedule different speakers and um . But I also remember you know I've mentioned before in podcasts that I was a I mean , I played soccer all the time and I do remember . Now that you say that , like you were a goalkeeper , am I remembering that right In college or high school or whatever , yeah , yeah .

Rhett 9:52

Yeah , I mean , I got a memory like it blows my mind all the details he can remember .

David Barry 9:56

I'm like I don't know what I had for lunch today , you know it's like I was talking to someone the other day and it's it's like I mean , I will remember more about those days than I'll remember what happened two weeks ago . Yeah , you know , it's just yeah , and please don't ask me to remember your names .

Rhett 10:12

I've got them written down here . Hey , so are you from Birmingham ? Where are you originally from ?

David Barry 10:16

No , um , I was , uh I was , born in Virginia . Uh , it's been a couple of years in the Carolinas , okay , uh , it's been a couple of years in the Carolinas . Then my father got cancer and then we moved to St Petersburg , florida , when I was four and then we stayed , uh in Florida after , you know , after he passed away , gotcha . So you know I was there , you know till kind of the you know kind of the end of college and then had some connections , um ,

Beach Trip That Changed Lives

David Barry 10:45

you know , in in Birmingham through you know , um Bob Smith that that brought up Birmingham . Okay , got it , got it .

Justin 10:52

Yeah , so now we're fast forwarding a little bit to the story that people have heard before . But now we got your voice on , so at some point I remember . Come on so at some point I remember , you know I was probably 14 , 13 or 14 , and I would kind of come in and out . You know I might go visit the youth group because I might meet a girl who invited me and I would go just because of that . But I never had like a sense how every guy got the youth group .

Justin 11:24

Let's be honest a hundred percent , but I never had like a sense of connection in those for some reason . In those earlier days I would kind of hang for a couple of weeks and I'd be out . You know , I would know you because you might teach Bible at the school or run the chapels , but I never really got to know you . But I do remember seeing something different in you , because I just know it was around 1993 . I once again , another girl invited me and I came in April of 93 and there was something I was experiencing different in the room . You and I don't know that's your story to tell . You know , and you might not even know , but I just know there was something different with you and I was receiving from you in a different way .

Justin 12:07

I was connecting with the youth ministries , the youth group that was there . They were just they were different . There was an inclusivity that I hadn't experienced before , to the point , they all invite me to a beach trip that you had organized and we went to a place called blue horizon , panama city beach , panama city beach , florida . I was not on that trip and , david , I had zero expectations on that trip other than girls are going to be there and it's the beach and we're going to have a great time . And I can remember and I you know once again I got to kick my memory in here July 12th through 16th , that was the week that we went . You had a theme called pass set crush .

David Barry 12:50

It was I mean it was the volleyball team Pass the test , set the standard crush the enemy .

Justin 12:55

It was volleyball theme , because you and that's what drew me to you too we were both big volleyball players , we enjoyed playing , and so I'm at this trip and I remember the first night we went to like a theme park to do go-karts and just I mean ironically haunted houses , and , and to me , I was thinking to myself .

Ryan Jennings 13:18

I would have gotten in trouble about that yeah .

Justin 13:21

Yeah , it's . Yeah , I think . I think a certain time has passed . We're probably good now . But yeah , you're right , we kept it on the down low .

David Barry 13:28

Or they call it statute of limitations .

Justin 13:29

Yeah , the statute of limitations . That's been 32 years ago this July , and we're at that trip and I thought , yep , this is exactly what I thought it was going to be . And I was fired up . And then the next night it would have been July 13th we're in a room and you had a guest speaker come , and there's no music , there's nothing . It's literally like we just kind of sing some acapella and I began noticing some things in that room , just like this is different . And it would end up being the very next night July 14th 1993 , that you know you encouraged everybody to kind of just spread out . We were praying , just it was . You know , it was just , it was really beautiful .

Justin 14:13

People are just praying and worshiping and I'm standing there looking around the room , david , and I'm thinking to myself like I'm not used to this . This is strange to me , to myself , like I'm not used to this . This is strange to me . But at the same time , and for the first time ever , I thought I want this . Whatever they have like , whatever is causing them to engage with the Lord and pray , I want this . I had not experienced that before . And a wave came over me that night . I don't know , just my emotions , I don't , I don't , I didn't know what to do . There was no kind of extension of someone to say , hey , do this next ? All I know is I sat down , david , on that cold concrete floor in that little meeting room and I , just as a 15 year old , I just began to cry because I didn't know what was going on inside of me . But all I could say was Jesus , I surrender to you and from this day forward I'm living for you . And I didn't really know what I was saying and no one directed me in that . But I did it , and I often joke .

Justin 15:18

I use this analogy in a couple of episodes back . But do you remember the movie Christopher Robin ? I don't know if you saw that , but there's a scene where it's like Tigger and Pooh and Piglet , they're all in this raging stream . It's like they're being drowned in this river . There's a massive rain , but then it shows Christopher Robin's third person view and it's just like a little light puddle that they're in . Well , if I use the example , if you were to look down on me and saw this 15 year old sitting on a floor , you would have just seen like a little puddle . You wouldn't have thought anything of it .

Justin 15:54

But if you could have gotten inside of me in that moment , there was a raging hurricane going on , like my life was being changed in that moment , and I walked out to the bleachers after that night was over and I just remember it was that Florida breeze where it's just kind of blowing through just your hair , your body , and I just had this sense of a different kind of purpose than I had ever known in my life . I didn't know what that meant , but I knew things were different from here on out and we would conclude that trip and it would be wonderful and we would go back home and you , for me , you fostered these environments that allowed us to have this permission that we can have a relationship with Jesus . And you , you know it wasn't about you , but you knew how to align some of these parents and some of these , um , just , they were good adults , like , they were great role models . You , you surrounded them around us and we , just , it was like we began to thrive . It's like having a good vineyard that's going to be growing great grapes that produce great wine . You got to have healthy vineyards . You created this healthy ground and it allowed us to grow .

Justin 17:09

And first of all and I'll tell our story once again with music , but I just wanted to let you know I know that's 32 years ago , but that would impact me significantly . I'm 32 years doing what I'm doing because of the ministry that you led at Parkway Christian Fellowship , and you played a significant role , and God uses people in our in our good and even our bad . We're all going through stuff , but he used you in that exact place in time and it ended up being a very impactful moment that changed my life , and so it's an honor that I'm actually sitting across the screen from my friend right now getting to tell you that . But , david , just I honor you , but also I thank you for even 32 years ago and being obedient .

David Barry 18:02

Well , thank you , I know that , um , you know when , when I kind of moved in to that role , knowing a little bit , a little bit of the history , um , it's like one

First Stage Opportunity: Music Ministry

David Barry 18:14

of the things that really , you know , didn't really exist , was that was a community , and that was the one thing . That , um , and that was the one thing that I really wanted to create . I'm I'm not a theologian , I'm not a singer , I'm not a worship leader of these , all those things that I'm , that I'm not , I'm not the greatest speaker , but one of the things that I really can do is is is to bring people together and put them in a position to , to you know , to grow , to develop , to become the best person that they are . And when you look at that , I mean fast forward to what I'm doing now at the large nonprofit that I work for that's still a little bit of the role that I play as the director of marketing and communications is to put people in a position where , where they can succeed .

David Barry 19:32

And you know , and I remember that , that those trips were , you know they were , you know , always fun because you know , I usually I mean I brought in guest speakers and brought in guests . You know , I usually I mean I brought in guest speakers and brought in guest , you know , guest singers . We went back with , you know , I mean gosh .

David Barry 19:48

I mean we brought in ben pasley when he was doing a lot at the time and you know and brought in a couple others yeah , I hadn't thought about that name in for a long time but I just remember how you know how , how , how good he was , and just a little bit of you know the of the home , of the home that that we gave him and that was the one thing that we wanted to to create .

David Barry 20:10

There was just , you know , you know everybody's welcome and you don't have to be , you don't have to be perfect , you don't have to , you know , have it together , but you know , but just come and in and find community and then in community is where I found that relationship grows and that was , you know , and I know that's a you know a strong , you know premise in a lot of the churches around the you know , around the United States and the world , about you know being , you know being better together .

David Barry 20:46

And the whole purpose of small groups is , you know , is you need that connection because you can't do it by yourself . And , and again , I always just like to kind of you know , I proactive , a better thing , it's like I like to stir the pot and then get out of the way and that's , and that's a lot of what there's and that's a lot of what there's , you know , trips and even our services were , it was just , you know , come in , speak for 15 minutes and then , just you know , stir it up and see where it goes . I love what you just said there , david .

Rhett 21:20

I don't want to interrupt you , but I can so relate to that I just want to jump in , stir the pot , get out of the way and watch it go Like .

Rhett 21:26

I love that there's a certain . I can just relate to that . Everything you just said is so rich and we could begin to talk leadership and a lot of different things there . But , justin , you guys did a good job setting that up and so , because this is a dual role , you know conversation I want to insert kind of my story into getting us to a place that we can build upon . So I'm grateful you mentioned Ben Pasley because you know , justin and I grew up in the same apartment complex .

Rhett 21:49

We met when I was eight , he was seven . We did a lot of stupid together . You know we'll just leave it at that , things we shouldn't do . You know dads who were single , working you know jobs and working very hard to provide for us . But man , this was the eighties . You know we're like , hey , y'all just go out and figure it out , stay out till the lights come on , and when lights come on , go home . You know , and that's kind of how we hung out and stuff . And so there was this different seasons .

Rhett 22:10

Um , my dad had me in and out of church between Huffman and cathedral . These are some different churches . It was never Parkway , um , but my best friend went to the school over there , right , and so it was sixth grade for me . So in sixth grade I go to Parkway and start going and I'm totally integrated into like church culture within a school , which is prayer and worship and chapels , and it was the best thing that ever happened to me . I'm so grateful . And so that's where I would see you begin to lead chapels , you know , and just speak . And then the Ben Pasley thing , though , like I would think it was , I think I was 13 years old . And then the Ben Pasley thing , though like I would think I was 13 years old , ben Pasley came to Parkway and we all walked across the street from the school , went across over into the auditorium First time I've ever been in the Parkway's auditorium that I can remember . Ben Pasley did a concert , did an altar moment .

Rhett 22:56

Basically , if you're a nonbeliever , what that means , it gives you an invitation to you know , come into a relationship with God through what he's done for us , through Christ Jesus . So I come down , I give my heart to Jesus . I'm so excited they hand out these wrist bracelets with all the colors of what they represent . You know spiritual moment . And , uh , I'll never forget coming home that day , 13 years old . Tell this guy , dude . I gave my heart to Christ , like I'm Jesus , and this guy's like rolling his eyes at me Like , oh crap , I just lost my best friend . This sucks and like .

David Barry 23:26

I didn't have good for you .

Rhett 23:27

Yeah , great for you . You know , guess that all the fun just left the building . What can I do to get this guy back on this side ? Great , you're going to heaven , but let's live like hell a little bit before we get there , right ?

Rhett 23:38

You know , and so now we didn't know how to communicate it that way , but that's kind of what it was Right .

Rhett 23:43

And so , although my faith was secure and I believe what Christ did , my life didn't line up because I didn't have the relationship , I didn't have the community , I didn't have everything that you were creating , that I didn't know you were creating at the church , and so , um , all that to say , so I went back into some bad habits and everything . So this guy goes to that beach trip he just mentioned for a girl , comes back with jesus , like completely transformed , like dude , where were you when I was 13 , like come on , man , you know ? And so , um , you guys were doing , uh , like I don't know , we call them revival nights , you know , it's just a , it's extended , it's outside of a sunday where everybody's kind of gathering and just you know , prayer , worship , togetherness , right , and he kept inviting me to this thing and you guys were doing doing this , like , I think , weeks after every day Monday through Friday , 11 AM and another one at 6 PM at different houses and different rooms .

Rhett 24:34

Yeah . So Justin invited me to these things and I was doing . I was 16 . I was out doing what 16 year olds do who have their own car , that you know the purple lights under purple all this stuff .

Rhett 24:45

I remember that I , he , he invites me and I'm like , no , I don't think so . But then I was like , but there's so much , he's different and I love what's happening , like I'm happy for him but at the same time I'm kind of like loving what I'm doing . So one day I'm like you know what , I'll go by , I'll drive by . So I swing by and I felt like it was in the afternoon , it felt like it was during the day . I go in , I walk in and I peek through those little windows of those Brown Oakwood doors , like you can look in , and I'm seeing people and teenagers with their hands lifted , people dancing , people singing . I don't know what's happened . All I know is like , whatever that is inside , I want some of that , you know .

Rhett 25:20

And I came in and I don't remember what day , what moment , what time , where the sun was hanging , what T-shirt I was wearing , like this guy . But all I know is like you gave an invitation , you know , for anybody who wanted to give their heart to Christ . You may have known that I'm a new guy showing up , don't really know what's happening , I don't know where that was , but I went all in with Jesus at that moment , rededicated my life and , you know , filled with the baptism of the Holy Spirit , experiencing just some really powerful moments that were very real to me in the moment and still to this day have been some anchor , just deep rooted things that God did in me , that he needed to do in my life , for where I was , for my walk with Christ . And I'll never forget man , you're right there .

Rhett 26:00

I remember the seat I was sitting in and you praying for me , laying your hands on me , and it was at that moment , man , I was like I don't whatever the world had to offer me . That , I thought , was great , I don't want that anymore , I want this . And I think I was in the church every day . The door was open after that , and so it was just kind of a blur from that moment . So I wanted to bring that up to speed for our listeners , for our friends and even just as a reminder to you of that moment that really connected me . Ben Pasley , of course , grateful for that . But then just that beach trip , and then the moments that you were creating cause . Had you not created that community moment for that , you know , for God to do what he was doing in those times ? Um , I don't know man who knows what my story would have been like .

Justin 26:40

Yeah , you've played such a pivotal role here in these stories that you weave in these early days so strong , david .

David Barry 26:48

Well , I think one of the things that we , you know , that we really tried to tried to do , or that you know , was what I didn't want the beach trips to become everybody's annual trip for to get saved again . You know what I mean . I wanted them , I wanted to try and create , you know , just that spirit of like you know what , now beyond the beach trip , probably ought to write a book . You know what , now beyond the beach trip , that's really good and just kind of how to , um , to keep it going , because I felt like that that that was important , because I know that you know , um , you know , I mean , I got saved when I was , you know , when I was 16 .

David Barry 27:47

When I was 16 and um , similar age to you guys , and I just remember wanting to , you know that like I had realized that that my life changed kind of in an instant Cause I was , you know , a lot , like , you know , the typical 16 year old . The car didn't have blue , didn't have blue lights , but I did have a blue Ford Maverick you know , and yeah , and an eight track player .

David Barry 28:08

Yeah , I'm eight track player , old , and and um , but I remember , you know that's what was , you know , important to me , and um , because , like you know , my life , you know , changed from someone who you know , I mean , who drank on a , you know , on a regular basis , you know , I mean I was on the golf team and golf tends to lead to a lot of profanity .

Rhett 28:35

Just naturally . I mean , it'll bring the best out of you in that way . Yeah , but I hit the test .

David Barry 28:41

but I still , you know it's , it's like , I mean , you know , something changed and that's why and I wanted , and I wanted it to , to make sure that it stayed authentic .

David Barry 28:52

And so you know , I , you know , um , I trans like I started my senior year of high school , like I started my senior year of high school , went to school about two and a half weeks , I mean just crumbled and realized that you know , I can't do this here .

David Barry 29:12

So you know , I mean I , you know , transferred to St Petersburg Christian School , which is a school very much like you know , uh , pca was and that's , and that really helped me to , uh , to kind of maintain the walk and at least , you know , be in a place where I was given opportunities to , to make right decisions , as opposed to , you know , you know , you know how I was at , you know , in a very large public school , that I just , you know , you know , you know how I was at , you know , in a very large public school , that I just , you know that I was such a new Christian that I struggled

Isaac's Journey: Medical Challenges

David Barry 29:46

there and so you know , made that change , and so you know that became important to me to give that to the , you know , to those that were , that were in the youth group , that that you know this it's not . It's . It's more than the emotional , you know , moment of four days at the beach that we wanted this to you know , to live it every single day .

Rhett 30:13

Yeah , well , I'm grateful that you did that , because that that was huge for me . Now , I've always lived my life this way . I remember good weed out the bad . That's from a lot of trauma that I experienced as a young kid losing my mom at a young age , and not to get into any of that today . But all I have to say is , from my perspective , I remember if we're walking through timelines here , we don't have to timeline this whole conversation , but just just just a little bit , like I just remember .

Rhett 30:38

Next thing I know within I don't know six months or so , you could probably timeline it better . All I know is we're at a position where there was a transition in a season that , as a young kid , I can't ever really understand , you know , because I don't have the perspective of a life like you did but you had moved on . And then I was like , well , our youth pastor had moved on , but you had poured so much into us and in the conduit that you were , there was enough rootedness there that we didn't build our relationship on God because of who you were . We built it on what God was doing in us and you never made it about you . In my perspective , in my life , in my you know , in everything that we we had , and so what you departed in us or imparted in us stayed within us and rooted as you transitioned wherever . I can't even remember what the next season was for your life and what God was doing .

Rhett 31:24

But I just want to say like next thing , I know , oh wait .

Justin 31:27

Well , before we got there , though , there was the there was the youth , there was the band moment , right , Well , the band moment , and then we'll get into that . That's a great transition but , you were talking about giving opportunities earlier . Yeah , yeah .

Justin 31:38

An opportunity that we've talked about before that you gave us , and maybe you have a different perspective on it . Yeah , you would constantly be walking in and out of the youth room just kind of getting prepped for a service , and you had your office , David , me and Rhett . As you know , once we surrendered our life , we became like the everyday guys . We were at the church every day . We made that youth room our own and we would be up there with guitar you would maybe at a Bible study that we would have you might say I remember you heard that I literally had just started writing worship songs .

Justin 32:12

That I mean I hate to say cheesy and worship at the same time but they were a newbie writing songs , a little cheese to it , and I remember you would be like , hey , why don't you sing one of those songs at Bible study ? You know it would just be light sitting in a living room with maybe 20 people , 30 people , but then me and Rhett would begin writing songs . And you came in one day , finally , after seeing us for weeks , and you said , hey , why don't you all sing that next Wednesday ?

Rhett 32:39

Do you remember that ? Hey , friends , friends just want to take a moment and say , if you are enjoying today's conversation , could you do us a huge favor , would you take a moment and copy the link from your favorite podcast platform and share it with a friend ? Email it to a friend . How about air dropping it over to your buddy or your sister right now ? Man , that would mean so much to us . Thank you , all right , guys back to the conversation .

David Barry 33:09

I mean I don't remember the exact moment , but I do remember you know going , you know , in and out of the you know chapel a lot and you guys you know being there , and that was the one thing that I really , you know , appreciated at the time was , you know , there were no buzzers , you didn't have to buzz in , you didn't have to buzz out , you could just , you know , kind of , you know come and you know come and go , and there was , you know , usually some sound equipment there that you could , you know , turn on and plug into and and I mean I just thought that was great . I mean I thought that was , you know , that was , you know , just making something available to help , you know , to help you guys , you know , develop your gifts and talents . And you know , and you know , and you know , look at what happened from the time that you were 16 , 17 , 18 , you know to where the you know you guys are now Well , it was .

Justin 34:04

It was wild for us , because when you said it we almost took it like a joke .

Rhett 34:10

Well , I remember it vividly in my mind because at the time stood , still the moment . It was like no , we're going to sing this next Wednesday , like well , like , oh , like , projected what just happened and we went into like preparation mode .

Justin 34:26

After that you walked out of the room thinking like it's just next tuesday I just sing next whenever , yeah , we began hours , oh , preparing that song . We were ready for the super bowl and it's neat once again .

Justin 34:39

we like to see when origin story started . You know a combination of thousands of times we've been on a stage actually leading or singing or whatever . Yeah , that first one was on that stage in the Parkway Chapel because you kind of commissioned us to do it and then we did it and it worked out and you commissioned us again to do it again , like in a couple of weeks until it just became . It became from that day until now that never stopped going .

Rhett 35:09

Had you not , had you not just taken a moment to like , hey , I want you guys to do that next Wednesday , and like it was , it wasn't a passing thought for you , it was very intentional and obviously God ordained that moment . But there was so much weight that you carried and for us as teenagers , we , you know , looking back now it's like golly , you know . But for me personally , like it's taught me so much leadership lessons and I teach that moment to so many people moving forward pastors , leaders , team members , volunteers it's like , you know , we , we , we got to give people opportunities , even if even if they're going to fail , in which you know , thank god , we didn't fall flat on our face .

Ryan Jennings 35:46

That would have happened , I'm glad it worked , this would be a different story , but I mean like at the end of the day , it worked out , but it was a big .

Rhett 35:51

It was a catalyst moment for the giftings , the talents and the treasure that god has put in our heart and has developed to this day , the things that we , we've done . And had you not given us that moment , I'm not quite sure where things would have ended up . I mean , god could still move and work , for sure , yes , but like it was just he is your obedience in that moment , and that's why , when Rhett was telling this story a while ago .

Justin 36:14

That's why it was just a few months later you would announce that you were .

David Barry 36:18

You were planting a church whether it was announced or not , I don't remember , was that what ?

Justin 36:22

happened next .

Rhett 36:23

I just remember you had shifted Gotcha .

Justin 36:26

You had shifted and we had these attachments of wow you , you kind of it's almost like you revved up the engine for us and now it was like wow , david's just announced , it was just announced , he's moving on . And there was the process of how do we how ?

Ryan Jennings 36:46

do we ?

Justin 36:47

I feel like and me and Rhett , I mean just we've been together so long we never had that . It was always that sense Like I think we're supposed to be here , yeah , but God , where's he going ? I'm going to go with him , but , oh my gosh , we're here , yeah , but it was a grieving process but yet a beautiful process for you . It was grieving because the big brother that had really spoken life into us and kind of got it going , it was almost like evangelistic .

David Barry 37:16

You moved to your next assignment and here we were , there , I mean , and what happened right after that , I think , was , you know , I mean it's really funny . I , I mean I don't reflect back on those days a lot , mainly because you know , when you throw in you know 1990 and 1991 , you know that's when you had , um , the birth of my son Isaac , who was born at 27 weeks . Um , he had

From Youth Pastor to Broadway

David Barry 37:48

a grade four intraventricular hemorrhage , he was septic , he had seizures and just remember , you know hearing , often in those first couple of days , often in those first couple of days , you know of his life that , um , you know , you need to , you know , when you leave at night , go ahead and say goodbye because there's a good chance he's not going to survive . And I remember , you know , and you know , and , and those were times . But also I found so much comfort in that 90 , 91 , 92 , 93 time of working with the youth because it was the kids who , honestly , you know , ministered to me a lot more than I ministered to them . I mean I remember I can't find it because I lost the box , but there was a picture of , you know , I mean good Lord , it was early 1990s J Crew .

David Barry 38:51

It was like everybody in , I mean , there was about 25 people , you know , at my house I think Isaac was , you know , maybe , needless to say , he , you know I got to say good morning to him , you know every , all the time during that . But you know he was like nine months old and you know it was the first time I mean we didn't let him around anybody . I mean I mean he never saw a nursery till he was two years old . Let's be honest , I mean we were just , you know , because you know , I mean by that point , you know , I mean you know he had had 14 brain surgeries before he left the NICU . So you know he wasn't getting around , you know anybody . So we did . You know we had a gathering there at the house that probably had a good you know 25 of you guys , you know , maybe you know maybe more , and that was kind of the first time that you know that everybody , you know kind of got to see Isaac . I mean Isaac's first birthday sitter , I mean babysitter , ever came out of that group , because that was the group , that that I knew and that I was close to . I mean I mean I trusted him more with his first babysitter than I did either one of the grandmothers , yeah , I mean the grandmothers , you know , were years before they ever kept them . And I'm just honest , you know , because I knew the grandmothers , um but um , lovely people , but yeah , not you . But you know .

David Barry 40:25

So , you know , so I found as much , you know , in that and those were a lot of the things that nobody knew was . It's like what I walked those halls with carrying every single day . Yeah , you know , I mean I remember in in 91 , at the beach trip , um , I remember , um , him getting rushed to the hospital and having very spotty cell phone coverage because , let's pay , it was the 90s and um , they actually , you know , called the the blue horizon . They tracked me down and he was having a and he was having a shunt malfunction and you know , and , and you know , and me being like , I mean , I was needed on that end , but on the other end , can I leave , you know , camp in the middle of it . And so you know there were all those things that happened .

David Barry 41:33

You know , through all those years that that I found a lot of my strength and comfort . I found my why that's a big thing , that's , that's that's used a lot is , you know , your purpose and you know , and I found a lot of that you know in those kids because you know , when I started there was 16 of us and I don't remember , you know I mean we grew . You know well over well over a hundred and you know probably 125 or so and I just remember , you know , finding that strength . But one , but one moment that made me really proud is when I did move on from from from Parkway was the next beach trip that they had was looking at the pictures that were posted and seeing you know 50 to 60 kids , because that means that the foundation that we laid state yeah it was a it was a solid foundation and I mean all of the , I mean all of the leadership .

David Barry 42:41

Everybody was there . You know doing those , you know doing those trips and that was just a real source of you know just you know , not pride in the arrogant sorts of pride , but just pride is , you know what we did a we went in there when it was falling apart and we did a really good thing and built a foundation that has sent people into singing ministry and preaching ministry and , you know , running a television network down from Georgia and just different things like that . That there were people . You know that that we you know it's like we did good .

Justin 43:23

Yeah , you did , yes , absolutely , and and it would end up building the foundation of what would lead that ministries as new leadership would come in , with Scott Ray , obviously , he did a phenomenal job , but it was , you know , those , those moments of catalyst , moments of you speaking that into me in red , and then , Micah Solomon , and then these other youth begin getting developed into the point that we are like we're singing , we're leading the worship , we're getting to surround the youth pastor who's leading the new youth pastor who's leading the efforts .

Justin 44:00

And it really was . It was built on a strong foundation , really built with legacy .

Rhett 44:05

And that's important for our friends , because this , this episode or not episode , let me say it again this conversation of the podcast , which is an ongoing conversation , is really stewarding our stories and our relationships in a way that are trying to serve people and help people . But it's also kind of like I was kidding with Justin the other day it's almost like a what do you call it ? Chronological the chronicles of Rhett and Justin .

Rhett 44:30

It's true , you know , because , for anything , I've always wanted this to be a gift back to either my son and his kids or , you know , our family . I would give anything to have stories . I go back and listen to my granddad talking about , like you know , his big , significant catalyst moments in his life and the decisions he's made , and and so for . For us , man , I , I literally like I feel like we could go on and have so many more conversations in so many different directions , but the reason so much time ? Oh , man , absolutely , and hopefully this will be to be continued . But I just want to . I want to say , like what you again just honor you . You know , nobody's life's perfect .

Rhett 45:08

I've gone through my own personal hells , you know . I tell people this all the time , like some people think , oh , you gave your heart to Jesus , your life's going to be perfect and everything's in rainbows , unicorns and butterflies and like , no , this is not how it works . You know , I've gone through a lot of hell in my life . I've had a lot of disappointments , I've had a lot of people walk out . I've I've made bad decisions . You know things that I've had to go through in my own personal journey , things that I've shared , some things that I will share later on this , on this ongoing conversation .

Rhett 45:44

But all that to say , though , I do want to just say , man , in those moments of time , I just again just want to honor you and say thank you for your , your obedience , thank you for your faithfulness , thank you for the pain that you walk through and the decisions that you made to create those moments and those togetherness and the opportunity for just God to minister to this broken little kid who needed love . In a way I didn't know I needed love . You know , I literally like God puts the lonely in families . He took this little kid and I'm grateful no offense , like I'm love my dad . He did the best that he could , but I was missing a spiritual family , I was missing some things , and and you , you and the whole team there , just did a phenomenal job creating those moments , and I want to say thank you , and I want to take this moment to honor that and , uh , and it's just , I'm grateful , man , I'm grateful , and so thank you .

David Barry 46:21

Yeah , dude , one of the biggest pleasures of you know , of , of you know my life , because I mean you know you and I have a lot in common because you know with after he passed away , you know had her own you know issues and and so on . And so I mean I , you know , I mean I recognize that and that was you know just , you know it's um , I mean in our basement downstairs we had a lot of kids spent a lot of nights in that , in , in that little pit sofa .

Ryan Jennings 47:04

Yeah .

Justin 47:04

Well , you know , you think about um , we were talking 93 and obviously after you had stepped into your next adventure and assignment . You know our , you know our ways . It wasn't social media really to keep up with everybody , so we kind of you were kind of out of the picture for for seasons and you went on to do what you did we , we had our lives , we were living . You know , to fast forward us now , yeah .

Rhett 47:29

How did you get to where you are now , man ? I mean , am I interrupting ? No , I didn't .

Ryan Jennings 47:34

Here's . Here's what I was going to say .

Justin 47:36

No , no , no , I was going to say here's kind of rekindling and this kind of gets into some of the gifts that I never really thought it was a gift set you had . I labeled you like the you were the youth minister but hearing the story of what even got you to Parkway in the first place being just marketing and just all the like , having that communications knowledge , I remember when I ran back in touch with you , like , or let me say it this way , I remember when I ran back in touch with you like , or let me say it this way , when , when I saw you again , it was April of 2001 . So here we are , 93 . We fast forward , maybe a 94 , a touch point with David , but it's been at that time it's been seven to eight years . And I am going I had just finished watching and you guys listening can go to an earlier episode . I think it's called the butterfly effect , a conversation with Matt Kaplan , broadway performer .

Justin 48:28

Well , Matt , as you guys know , yeah , matt is my cousin , so I went to go watch him and the remember the reason I remember the date is April 2001 was me and my wife's one year anniversary .

Justin 48:40

He was traveling with rent to Birmingham and that was a very big deal and he really wanted me to see him perform and he was bummed that we were going to be out of town . So me and my wife did is we moved our anniversary trip , which was around the end of April , to the first week of May so that we could stay in town and see Matt . So he performed at Broadway I mean it , it rent in Birmingham and it was wonderful . He invited us that night to go watch him do like acoustic gigs that he would get lined up when he was in a city and someone lined this up for him and he went to go play this acoustic gig . And I remember me and summer and a couple of our friends went to go watch him play and one of the guys there was none other than David Barry who evidently , I found out , was the guy who brought all these acts in the Broadway shows .

Justin 49:34

So you worked for years for the Birmingham Broadway series and it was like the Birmingham , or it wasn't even just Birmingham , it was like America Broadway too , and you would bring these acts in . And when I ran into you that night it was like I did I don't even know how to verbalize it it almost messed me up like wait a minute , you're supposed to be in a youth group somewhere and here you are .

Rhett 49:57

Why aren't you wearing a five button suit with loafers ?

Justin 49:59

what's the world exactly ?

Rhett 50:00

come on man let's throw it back a little bit david's sitting there hanging out .

Justin 50:05

With kind of that that I mean very eclectic crowd , and we're sitting there watching this acoustic set and that's what got us back into contact for that season . So tell me about , that was my broadway day . That's what I call it .

David Barry 50:18

Yeah , broadway dave , um , that was kind of my nickname through just a lot of the you know , because I mean that was actually the first year that that I um that I worked with , uh , you know , in that in , in , in that field , and like the very first show that I ever did was Phantom of the Opera , and talk about a steep learning curve , you know , I mean that's like you know and then , but then in that first season was was rent and it was the very first time that rent had ever come to birmingham and rent was still a relatively new show is very popular . Yes , in in new york , um , it did cover some some subject matter that was a little controversial for Birmingham in 2001 . Yeah , but of course it packed out too .

Justin 51:10

It packed out and it was sold out . I mean we had .

David Barry 51:13

I mean , we surprised everybody and just the , you know how it , you know how it , you know how it sold and the following that it , that it that it had . And then you know , running into , and that cast was , I mean arguably the , the traveling cast went on to play their exact same roles on Broadway . In some cases , the guy that played Roger and Mark and Mimi , and all of them , they all went on to play those roles on Broadway , not just like one and done , but for years , and to be able to work with them was great . And then , you know , matt , being a singer , songwriter , and I was told that by you know , by the um , by the press representative for the , you know for the show , and um , so I was like , well , you know , let's , you know , let's do something . So you know , I mean , we put together , you know , an event that would be

Starting United Ability's Dad's Group

David Barry 52:26

kind of very rent themed that was . That covered the issues , the area was a very inclusive engagement and it was just a blast .

Ryan Jennings 52:39

It was .

David Barry 52:40

Yeah , and then running into you guys was bonus and that was just a blast .

Justin 52:42

It was yeah , and then running into you guys was a bonus and that was really cool , and Rhett too . What was neat is kind of like full circle .

Rhett 52:48

I remember when Matt was in town at UAB and all that story .

Justin 52:51

I was there , if you fast forward , I mean if you go back to 93, . What David wouldn't remember is , before I went on that beach trip , Matt was actually in town and he had just that June gotten me into guitar and he taught me my first three or four chords . I remember that and I remember I brought Matt with me . We went to some event like we just went out for a youth outing that you took us on , Me and Matt were in the back of the church van playing our guitars . You wouldn't remember that . That was the Matt Kaplan that you're talking about , but he came in .

David Barry 53:24

I did I had , you know , had had no idea , and that's you know . I mean that you know that kind of you know blew my mind after . You know , you know seeing you guys there . But then also , you know , I've been able to follow , you know , the careers of some of the people that I worked closely with for media and press . We were working with , you know , Roger and Mark , and you know the , the four principals , but you know , but when I look on , you know , at that and seeing Matt Kaplan , and then I know that later on he came back with a guy named Aaron today and they were in a show together and it was just you know well , you know small world .

Rhett 54:05

So how do you go from pastoring a church to running Broadway musicals like this and bring it into LA ? And that's what people are asking themselves right now . Like what ? What in the hey guys red here Just want to take a moment and say thank you to every single one of you who have taken the time to follow us on social media . Now , if today is your first time to join us for an episode , man , we want to say welcome friends , it's so good to have you with us . Could you take a moment ? Look us up on Instagram or Facebook ? You can find us there at Armchair Authentic , or you can go on over to X . Find us there as well , at Armchair Auth Pod . That's Armchair Auth A H P O D . All right , now back to the conversation .

David Barry 54:46

We moved to Florida to work in a church that we had a really good relationship and , um , and the senior minister was was going to to move on to do some evangelism and then , you know , eventually move . So we moved there to take it on and we got there and things just did not go as planned or , as you know , as was laid out . He ended up , you know , not necessarily . You know he hung around , which you guys know in church settings it takes a really special congregation to let someone go and then hang on to the new person . But then also for the person who either retired or left to stay out of it and I think of some , you know , I know that to stay out of it and I think of some , you know , I know that Frank Barker here that was at Briarwood Presbyterian , did a terrific job at that . I know Chris Hodges just recently stepped aside and it seems like that that transition is seamless and that was kind of the goal . But that did not happen and we got down there in a world where we had we had no relationships down there and then , right when things started to kind of get a little sideways , you know , I mean you know this is . You know I was married at the time and and we were really close . You know family friends of a lot of people there , I mean a lot , were really close . You know family friends of a lot of people there , I mean a lot of people will .

David Barry 56:25

I mean , you'll remember Marsha , and then we got down there and we were , you know , kind of plotting our way through it and then in the middle of it , you know her father , who had been a missionary in Africa for 50 plus years , matter of fact . You know her father , who had been a missionary in Africa for 50 plus years , matter of fact . You know she was born and raised there . You know she spoke five languages before she ever spoke English and so he got , so he got a brain tumor and at the time , and then he moved and he moved in with us because we had a one level house . You know we were with the typical Florida house , flat as a pancake , you know , tile everywhere to where that when he was using his walker he could , you know , he could navigate it , and so that took so much of our time and so much of our attention and that was just about the time that we quit having that Isaac quit having brain surgeries every three months or something . So we had just turned a corner with him and we're like we can breathe but we couldn't . And then so , you know , he lived with us for about a year and a half , you know , before he passed away .

David Barry 57:43

And then when he passed away , um , we were a thousand miles apart . We were a thousand miles apart with no one to talk to . We had , we had , you know we did . We didn't have a pastor , you know we didn't have what people are building today . You know we were an independent church but so we didn't have , you know , a denomination to go talk to but also learning .

David Barry 58:15

Then they just would have said bye , you know , because I know how that , you know , I knew how that worked from years in it and so , and so you know , so we ended up getting a divorce and and out of that , you know , I knew that I had relationships , I knew that I had connections here , that I could come and , you know , and find a job . So you know , I , you know , relocated to to Birmingham in late 1990 and applied for a job . I had never been to a I'd been to one Broadway show in my life when I applied for that job and they were like you've never seen this . What makes you qualify ? And I'm like . I'm like . Well , for the last you know eight years , my job has been to put butts in seats in another area . I said I'm really good at putting butts in seats and that's how they hired me .

Rhett 59:07

I'm curious what was the first musical you've ever seen or saw ?

David Barry 59:10

The first one I ever saw was Miss Saigon . Okay , and I saw that in late 1990 . No , late 1990 . No , uh , excuse me , late 2000 , okay yeah wow , it was the first time that . It was the first time to show it come here . I went to the show and I grew up in florida . If you say theater in florida , most people think of showboat dinner theater , I mean or disney world or something . Yeah oh yeah .

Justin 59:37

At least disney world has talent well , david , I do have to say that you know , just even , even with you mentioning just that really tough stuff you guys went through . Man Marsha is so precious , I mean just was such a . I mean just even in the youth ministries she was , I mean just very encouraging .

David Barry 59:59

She was great with the girls and to and to this day we're still really good friends . We had Isaac in common and you know I think you know we've been divorced about four to five years and we were just talking . One day we're trying to make plans for Isaac to come up to Birmingham . Shout out to Southwest . They had the best unaccompanied minor program ever .

David Barry 1:00:24

If you're looking for a sponsor , you know , hey , yeah , I'll influence , but um and so , but we were talking and she's like you know she goes in looking back Cause she had she had remarried by then and she goes . You know what she goes , she goes . We were much better best friends than we were husband and wife and so to this day we still . I mean , you know we have spent some Christmases . You know I've gone down to Florida and spent Christmases there . You know Thanksgiving's . You know her mother just passed away . You know earlier this year she was 102 . I mean . So you know , and there were times that you know her mother would be like you know . You know when is David going to come down and visit ? I need someone to hang a picture , yeah .

Rhett 1:01:14

Do I remember correctly , traveling ?

David Barry 1:01:16

handyman .

Rhett 1:01:17

Well , I was so young but like do I remember her coming to do like little chapels at Parkway and singing and stuff . Did she sing ? Yeah , she did .

David Barry 1:01:24

Yeah , she was a beautiful voice .

Rhett 1:01:26

Yeah , okay .

David Barry 1:01:27

Yeah , she had a . I mean , you know she had a really good voice . You know what I mean . She did some of the vocal competitions of the day . You know um , you know um . She won team talent and everything else .

Justin 1:01:39

She encouraged me and Rhett to actually record our first album and we never ended up doing it at that time . But she met with us one time , I remember , at the end of one of our youth nights and she said hey guys , we got to get you guys recording an album . And I had never thought of that in my life Is that even possible . It was Marsha who said that to me , and so another seed planted .

Justin 1:02:02

So at some point , let her know that you're on this so we can give her a shout out . Marsha , we love you and so grateful for you . And then , and one more shout out I got to give , is to my man , isaac . Me and Isaac have been able to hang out a couple of times , david , when you've come into town , and we've enjoyed us some as you said earlier coffee and pastries , and I love Isaac so much . So , hey , buddy , I wanted to give you a shout out to , because he's not only an amazing miracle and just an amazing man but he's also my fellow Crimson .

Justin 1:02:36

Tide fan . Oh God , so shout out to my Alabama boy yeah , he is Isaac .

Rhett 1:02:40

So I hopefully I'll have the opportunity to meet Isaac and have some coffee with him as well , that'd be amazing . I'd love that .

David Barry 1:02:45

Yeah , we can . Let's set up a lunch or something I'd love to do that I mean chips and salsa .

Ryan Jennings 1:02:51

Yeah , that's a love language For real , you know we're there .

Rhett 1:02:53

Chips , salsa , cheese dip let's go .

Justin 1:02:56

Yeah .

David Barry 1:03:07

You . But with him though , you know I mean he remained , you know very you know . I mean you know his spirit was always good , even with all that he went through . And even you know , last year , I mean , we had we had three brain surgeries in three weeks and you know he spent a month in the hospital and you know , when you're a year old it's a lot different than when you're a 30 year old , and so you know , but he's always maintained the , the greatest spirit , I mean his . His musical taste has has changed . It used to be , you know , a lot of worship music , highlands worship , things like that .

David Barry 1:03:36

Now he's gotten into into the , into the Christian rock thing and , oh my God , he yeah it's like , yeah , he owns about 800 t-shirts and 799 of them are Christian rock bands , a lot of which are harder than I ever listened to , but it's you know . But it stayed deep with him and you know throughout . You know everything shout out to him . You know , throughout . You know everything shout out to him . You know , when mine didn't , his faith really stayed strong and , yeah , turned out to be an amazing young man and then a lot of that was that little kid that you know , that ran around the chapel . That ran around . You know , because I remember one year we went to he was at , he was at a youth retreat . He , he did not . You know , blue horizon was not good enough for his standards .

David Barry 1:04:33

So anybody's standards for that matter I don't know why y'all chose that was that . Can we talk about that for a second like ?

Rhett 1:04:40

you , you do all things well , but really like that was a questionable call .

Ryan Jennings 1:04:44

It was awesome , it was a big call .

Rhett 1:04:46

Is that the only thing that was available every year , or it was like ?

David Barry 1:04:49

Pretty much , I mean . I mean , it wasn't , it wasn't until after Did you not have a ?

Rhett 1:04:53

budget and passengers were like you just find the cheapest place on the planet .

David Barry 1:04:58

What was it ? I mean my budget was was what you guys would pay for a trip . So to get anything with a lot of , you know , two in a room that wasn't bunks with air , you know , I mean the trips would have been . I mean we tried to keep them at 125 or so as opposed to 350 .

Rhett 1:05:18

So we have a lot of people listening from different parts of the country and we have something in the South called cockroach In Florida . They just grow them at a different level . I mean you could spray it with bug spray and it's still just going to .

Justin 1:05:31

It's like no , come on you got anything better than that ? Let's go .

Rhett 1:05:34

My wife's son , you step on it and they're still like hey , man , I still have a lot what you guys lack in accommodations , we made up foreign food .

David Barry 1:05:42

Yes , we did .

Justin 1:05:43

That's true , and let me just add like . Summer my wife she's so with you , rhett . I mean , I thought I was so used to roaches in our apartment . It just never bothered me . David , I still am a loyalist to my blue horizon , but like to take a shower .

Rhett 1:05:59

You've got to like walk outside .

Ryan Jennings 1:06:01

It's true .

Justin 1:06:01

And like you got to like walk outside and , like you know different shower houses and stuff . Some of the rooms have their own bathroom . Oh , did they .

David Barry 1:06:08

By then I'd been to Africa . Yeah , I mean by then I'd been to Africa three times .

Rhett 1:06:13

Yeah , I know it's beautiful .

David Barry 1:06:14

Yeah .

Justin 1:06:15

We really had missionaries as youth pastors . They were raising us as on the mission . This is the closest the mission feels going to look like .

Rhett 1:06:22

You wake up from a couple things crawling on you . You're like yeah , that's normal , Get over it .

Justin 1:06:27

Yeah , as you were saying I mean , it's like the old joke .

David Barry 1:06:37

It's like when you're a first-term missionary and the fly lands in your coffee , you throw out the coffee . Second term you just get a spoon , you flick it out , oh my God . Third term you squeeze the coffee out of the bug and then you drink it . Oh man , that's true .

Ryan Jennings 1:06:51

That's so crazy , you were saying that Isaac .

Justin 1:06:52

He was running all around the blue horizon . So finish your story there .

David Barry 1:06:56

Yeah , we were fortunate . There was a family in our youth group who had hosted , you know , several , uh , pool parties and um , and they had a house in Seaside and they , um , and they and they let us use their beach house , you know , for that for that week . So that , um , you know he had , you know he had good accommodations , that you know that she could . You know , at seven , eight o'clock , when it was time to go to bed , you know she could take him somewhere and we're also at . You know he was always very tiny for his age and he might've gotten carried away , you know , because , buddy , they do grow on big down there .

Justin 1:07:41

They do .

David Barry 1:07:42

They do .

Justin 1:07:45

Well , you have kept up this world of being marketing and communications , because now you know we've talked about in the past the stuff you did with the church , what you did with Birmingham Broadway and then Broadway across America , and now you are a marketing and communications director at United Ability Tell us about that . That's been what , seven , eight years if .

David Barry 1:08:08

I remember , over eight . Yeah , you know , united Ability is a nonprofit that serves individuals with all types of disabilities , from birth , throughout their entire lifespan . I mean , we've been around for 96 years and in that , you know , we were , you know , and we're unique in the state in the sense that we , you know that we provide those services again to children and adults with all types of disabilities and we do it at such a high level . And so everything that , everything that I went through in those times with , with , with Isaac's birth , and the ups and the and the downs , and the emotional highs and the lows , but then also the things that I learned about creating community , and things you know , really prepared me for this job . And you know , and so you know , I get to work with a lot of our families and so , you know , I can sit across from them and , you know , instead of just hearing their story it's like , you know , I've been there . You know , instead of just hearing their story , it's like , you know , I've been there , you know , I mean they told me that he would never walk , never talk , that he would be blind , all you know , all of these things . And yet , you know he surpassed , you know , all expectations .

David Barry 1:09:36

Yes , he has hydrocephalus , yes , he has cerebral palsy and and he is , um , by standards , intellectually disabled , but you know , I mean Justin's had conversations with with him , you know he , he doesn't come across that way and um , and so one of the things that I did seven years ago in realizing is that I started a uh , you know , a dad's group , because when people , when families have someone who is born , you know , with a disability and people you know , usually the first thing that they ask is you know well , how's the mom doing ? How you know how's the child doing ? And nobody ever asked the dad , you know , hey , how are you ? Because you know it's the dads who who carry the weight , it's the dads who silently shoulder all of the burden and then they have their come aparts in private . If they even have a come apart , most of them keep it bottled up up .

David Barry 1:10:47

And the reason that that I can say that and it could be from , you know , and it could be from any type , any type of trauma . It could be from the trauma of having a child with a disability , the trauma of having a parent die , the trauma of going through a divorce , the traumas that can happen you know inside you know of a business or church or , or or anywhere that that when I was growing up , and especially in the church , you couldn't show weakness because it's like I said , there was nobody that I could go to , and that ended up really causing a lot of problems in my life . And so when we started this dad's group , we started with four people , we had burgers at Baja Burger and Uber and shout out

Power of Connection and Community

David Barry 1:11:34

to them Really good burger .

Ryan Jennings 1:11:35

Yeah .

David Barry 1:11:35

And you know , flash forward we have about . We don't really advertise it , it's just kind of word of mouth , but but but we about 60 . And it's just a great forum where dads can just talk , where where they can be real , where they can be angry if they want to be angry , because they're having a hard time with ADRS , so they're having a hard time navigating the school system with , you know , with with waivers and you know , individualized education plans , all of those things . And so you know , we have created , I mean we've created a safe place . You know , to coin a phrase , what happens in dad's group stays in dad's group and and that's what we do , because because , if not , you know , dads will you know , dads will you know , eventually melt down .

David Barry 1:12:31

And and I never really realized that , because I kept everything bottled up forever . I mean , I've had , you know , I've had three meltdowns in my life and the rest of it I just kept bottled up inside it . A lot of that drew me away from church , Didn't grow me necessarily with Christ , but it drew me away from every outward sign of that , from from attendance to , you know , to everything . And you know , and I remember one time , um , you know , visiting um , visiting the church , and I just remember sitting on , I mean sitting in the middle of the congregation , and I mean that was one of my three meltdowns . I mean I started crying and I could not stop and I had to get up and leave and get in my car and drive away . And I just remember getting up , I mean I was devastated and it's like , and I just remember walking past all these people who were just you know kind of looking at me and I was just like and I had to go and and so that was , you know , that was a little bit of a cathartic moment for me but , um , but it's helped me to this day to , you know , to talk to dads , you know , to talk to other families and within our dads group , I mean , after seven years , you know we've had nine children pass away and we had three last month . That was I mean you talk . I mean that was hard for me to process Because , you know , I mean all three of those kids .

David Barry 1:14:26

You know , some of the kids that passed away I really didn't know we didn't work with , but three of them was a child that that , through what he was able to do with eye , gaze , technology and smart as a whip , but we were able to connect him with Amazon and our speech therapist and actually eye gaze on Alexa was developed because of this child and just you know , making those , you know those connections and so a lot of what happened has really brought me , you know , full circle . You know , I mean I never , you know , I mean I never . You know , I mean I never did therapy , I never did counseling .

David Barry 1:15:24

This last year and a half of doing therapy has been , has been life changing because a year and a half ago I would have politely declined , yeah , I said yeah , we can meet for coffee or lunch , but I would have politely declined even doing this , as you know , as you know , many of caused by me and my decisions and others , you know , because of circumstances , but I still had to make those decisions in the middle of those circumstances . That ended up , you know , causing some pain to others and that's where you know I'm just , you know , and that's where I am , you know , on this journey .

Justin 1:16:28

And where you are being able to see something because of past experience the stuff , the hurt , the wounds , just everything combined how that's been shaping your story that you were able to recognize in this moment . It's bringing these men together . You started our conversation saying I never really looked at myself as a pastor or minister or this , or that I was a connector . And what weaves through this entire podcast is David , you are connection's huge . If we don't have it , we wither up and we dry up and we die it . We wither up and we dry up and we die . And you have a specific role in the body , if you will , of people and it's that you're a connector and you have seen this need and you have filled this need with these dads . And even as you're listening to this podcast right now , I mean we would have just finished father's day and there's just that theme right there of the power of what dads are going through . And it might be that you are a dad and you have a biological and adopted son or a daughter that you also might be like David . You were to us in 93 .

Justin 1:17:34

There was a spiritual father side to this where you called out in your boys and you said hey , you're scheduled next week and , um , I just want to honor you in hearing the story and I thank you so much .

Justin 1:17:47

We thank you for your vulnerability to actually open up , because what you just said , it's reaching ears right now who are hearing this , saying I'm in the middle of you said it's about being perfect .

Justin 1:18:02

You couldn't expose the weakness and that is a common thread that we see that people and ourselves went through in certain days and there is a thought that you have to carry this load and I hope the invitation is there when people hear this broad is men , find that person , find that group to connect with , where you can actually get some of this stuff out and find out that you're not alone . And then , specifically with you , david , you've given the past eight years to United Ability and you are ministering to these men , you're being a connector to these men and what I wanted to say to you as we wrap up is to give you first that chance of what United Ability does . And can you give some contact of people who are going through some of this or they might not even know of certain options . Can you tell them what you're doing , how they can contact , reach out to you , whether it's socials , united Ability . We'll just give the floor to you as we wrap this conversation up .

David Barry 1:19:06

Absolutely Well . Thank you , you know , I know that . You know I mean having a child with , with a disability , whether you know about it in advance , whether you , you know . I mean some people find out in utero , some people find out like us . I mean some people find out in utero , some people find out like us . I mean we . I mean we left a youth function , we went to Baker's pizza right down this road from Parkway and we had had a pizza thing and we got home and , um , marsha's water broke at seven months and we went to the hospital and I mean it was like all hands on deck with bells , sirens and whistles . So sometimes you find out in utero , sometimes you find out at that moment . Other times the diagnosis doesn't come to later in life and you know with like , you see , with , you know with autism or intellectual disabilities , sometimes it's an acquired disability through a traumatic brain injury .

David Barry 1:20:13

But the thing to know about united ability is there is nothing that we have not seen and that we have not encountered . We have not seen and that we have not encountered in , you know , let's just say , even in our recent history of 25 years . I mean our lead speech therapist , physical therapist , early intervention clinic director . All of them have nearly 30 years of experience . So there's nothing here that we haven't seen and whether it's medical , whether it's physical , whether it's any type of disability , I mean United Ability is here to serve this community and it was out of community that United Ability was founded . There was a lady in 1948 , and her son was born a few years earlier and her son had cerebral palsy and they were not able to find the medical treatment and the things that they needed here . So they were , fortunately they had some means , so they would go to New York to get treatment and therapy , to get treatment and therapy . After doing that for a few years , out of a house of faith , out of , you know , out of out of Temple Emanuel , rabbi Milton Grafman said said we need what you're getting in New York and we need that here in Birmingham . So that group of people established what then was a cerebral palsy center and flash forward from serving one child , you know , we served nearly 6,000 children and adults last year .

David Barry 1:21:53

Our influence spread far beyond that with hosting conferences , speaking at conferences and out of this , oddly enough , you know , it's given me the opportunity to speak at large conferences and so on , about the dad's group about what we do and about the vulnerabilities , because you know , we have dads that will tell you when you have a child , god's that will , that will tell you when you have a child that's born with a disability , all of the cookouts , all of the lake trips , all the pool parties , everything that you got invited to beforehand , you start telling people no , I can't go because I need to care for Isaac or I need to do this , you know , after a while those invitations quit coming . And so what do you do when those invitations quit coming ? You're lost . So we , you know , so that becomes your support community of moms , of dads , of families , of of grandparents . We host a summer program for teenagers who are non-speaking and who all use communication devices .

David Barry 1:23:08

You know , think of Stephen Hawking and Big Bang Theory . They use that eye gaze technology to communicate . Some of them use small iPad type devices where they , where they hit symbols of like you know , I want a hamburger , no ketchup . You know . So you know they're able to do that . So every step of the way , you're not really alone when you connect to , you know , to United Ability . You know , is it a faith-based organization ? It's not , but it's the same principle , it's connection and it's community that when something happens , we're here .

Rhett 1:23:56

I love it . Yeah , I love the name Ability and United together . What a beautiful . It captures the essence of exactly what you guys are doing . You're united in this . You're not alone , we're together and there's ability on the other side of this .

David Barry 1:24:09

We reunited cerebral palsy of greater Birmingham for decades . That's how everybody's going to recognize this . We rebranded in 2017 to United Ability to reflect the fact that people of that we don't just deal with cerebral palsy . We work with individuals with all types of disabilities . I mean , we've got people that have diagnosis where they're one of 10 in the world that have this genetic makeup and this set of disabilities .

Justin 1:24:42

Well , how can people find out about United Ability ?

David Barry 1:24:45

I mean , of course , I mean we're , we're on all the major social media , as you know , as United Ability , facebook , instagram , linkedin . We use Twitter , some um . Then of course you know we have a website . But I mean I mean as a point of connection , I mean you know , email me at dberry , at unitedabilityorg . I mean I'm not going to give you the info at . You know you can get directly to me . I mean my office number is 205-944-3916 . My cell phone number is 205-910-3832 . Because you know , I mean that's it . I mean I found out that Isaac was going to be . You know that Isaac was going to go through what he went through at at midnight on on a Monday . You know , just like you can remember the night that , you know that , you know that , that you came to church or that night at the blue horizon , and I apologize for that .

Rhett 1:25:49

But um , I don't , but I mean , we make fun of it , but it's great , I mean , don't we all I mean ?

David Barry 1:25:57

but I remember , you know , the night that Isaac was born . That set so much in motion . That has put me in a position to not be sympathetic but to be empathetic and to be able to . The one thing that I think that the little bit of ministry that I did taught me was you always feel like that you have to have the answer , because people are coming to you for the answer and you know what ? There is nothing , there is no shame in saying I don't know , but we'll find out together . That's so good , oh man , yeah .

Justin 1:26:46

Wonderfully , beautifully said hey guys , this is the coffee aficionado , the cook lover , the cooking genius , david Berry . We didn't even get into some of that stuff .

David Barry 1:27:00

We'll get into that .

Rhett 1:27:01

We'll definitely get into that . That's a future conversation . Part two , part three For clarity there are people that listen to this all across the world . Believe it or not , we're on every continent . It blows my mind . So locations do you have to be in Birmingham to reach out to United Ability ?

David Barry 1:27:15

No , I mean from Utah or Idaho or different state . If you're

Finding Authenticity Through Vulnerability

David Barry 1:27:22

in a different country , you know there are . I mean you know , like we talked about before . I mean we , you know we can connect you . Okay , I mean I mean if you're in Arkansas , you know , I mean there are people that we can connect you to in Arkansas , california , new York Great , you know . Florida , excellent you to . In Arkansas , california , new York , florida , anywhere .

Justin 1:27:44

And once again , david , Berry has become the theme of this podcast . He is a connector . We leave with that thought . He will connect you if you guys want to inquire about United Ability . Hey , David , this has been very surreal for us getting to have you as a friend on Armchair Authentic .

Rhett 1:28:05

Hey , dot dot dot ellipsis .

David Barry 1:28:08

We're going to continue this conversation . I mean it has been , you know , I mean it's . I mean it's an honor to get to talk to you guys but then also to look at what you guys have accomplished . It's like I remember the first time I ever took Isaac to church of the Highlands and you were playing guitar . Uh , justin , and you know I pointed out , I said I said that guy back there playing the , the , the acoustic guitar . I said , yeah , he's playing , Are you through acoustic guitar ? I said , yeah , he's playing , are you through ? And I just remember that , gosh , I mean I look back and I mean I get messages , you know , a few times a year from like you know , hey , you may not remember me , but you did this .

David Barry 1:29:03

Or you know , like one of the guys that you know , hey , I'm now a principal in one of the Hoover schools and you know , and the influence that you had on me helped me with my kids and has helped me be a better teacher and administrator . And but you know , I look back and there's a handful of people that I've stayed in contact with . There's a handful of people that I've stayed in contact with . But see what you two have done and and have maintained , you know , throughout , throughout the decades . It's just uh , yeah , really makes me proud .

Justin 1:29:34

Well , we love you . We love you so much .

Rhett 1:29:36

David , I'm looking forward to continue conversations beyond the screen in person over over chips and sauces in our future ?

Justin 1:29:44

Yes , sir , god bless you , friend .

David Barry 1:29:47

And thank you for what you're doing . You know because , uh , you know it's important and I just love the , the name you know . You know , cause , like you know , authenticity is something that I struggled with for decades that I could get into a small group or a group of people and I would not be authentic . I couldn't . It was just there was so much shame that was built in there . And now that you know , having worked through that , I'm just really , you know , proud to be on the other side , but also , you know , proud that you guys have have been there when I've needed to you know , at least text rant a little bit .

Justin 1:30:32

Amen , hey , the pleasure has been ours , and thank you for what you've instilled into us too . David , we love you , love you bro , absolutely Love you guys too . On the next episode of Armchair Authentic . If you've been listening to this conversation , for Love you guys too .

Ryan Jennings 1:31:00

It's Lawrence Fishburne . I mean , come on guys .

Justin 1:31:03

They always called him RJ . You got your butt kicked .

Rhett 1:31:06

No , we hung in there .

Ryan Jennings 1:31:08

No no , no , you got your . The reason their team was so good , they played up to their competition . Yes , and then after the service , you guys came down with Micah . I got to meet the three of y'all . I went to church for girls , for the wrong thing . And then all the music and just this group of guys from Parkway Christian . I told myself . I said I'm not going back to the Southern Baptist Church again . I'm not coming to this church for the girls . I'm going over there because those guys are cool and I love them .

Rhett 1:31:43

Man , we cannot wait for that conversation , but until then , we hope you have a wonderful day , stay safe and we will see you next Monday for a new episode of Armchair Authentic right here with your friends Rhett and Justin . We'll see you soon .