Rhett: 0:00

Imagine a world where every conversation feels like a genuine connection with authentic people. A place where you truly feel like you belong and where everyone's gathered here at the table. Friends, welcome to Armchair Authentic. Oh man, I love doing life with you, bro. It's so much fun. This podcast is good times with friends, real life, real conversations, talking about uh we're we were having our little pre-conversation and it led into Olin Mills. Do you remember the Olin Mills photography back in the uh is that 80s, 90s, late 80s, early 90s, somewhere in there? Yeah. 80s dominated Olin Mills dominated the 80s and early 90s for sure. You'd go to the mall, like, God, we look in there, it's like a professional photography studio with families in there. Families in there. We we really didn't know much about, we didn't do family photos. We didn't know what that was. Well, they look sweet. It wasn't until they look a little miserable, but it really wasn't until we became a part of a church family to where we'd go over to people at church's house that had a full dynamic of mom, a dad, brother, sister. We'd look and go, Oh, that's what that is.

Justin: 1:09

That's right. And matter of fact, they got on their staircase some old milk pictures.

Rhett: 1:13

It's the it's the it's the picture of one, it's one shot with like two photos on it, like the Brady Bunch of the two brothers, one's on the bottom and the other's in the top corner, one's looking up, the other's looking down. The other one's looking down.

Justin: 1:26

Have you seen have you seen that social media? There's a social media post. I can't remember what it is, but it's like Usher. And like all these um well-known artists, okay. And it's kind of got the Brady Bunch type pose. Okay. And it's funny because it I don't know if it's true or if it's the way someone set it up. Yeah, but it's gold the way they set it up. Because they basically wrote out like Usher was probably disappointed when he found out he wasn't the picture in the middle. Because in his mind, he probably thought I'll be the main attraction. Oh, yeah. And so during the whole little video they show, he's like looking up, looking down, looking left, looking right. Yeah, but they stuck him like in the corner. So most of the looks aren't even looking at anybody. But he's just looking like he's looking at people, but it's nobody over there.

Rhett: 2:15

But the old yeah, the old mills had that overlay, which we're like, oh man, that is so like futuristic. How did they do that? It's like one photo and then kind of overlaid where you're you're getting that shot where they're looking off into the distance, and then there's one kind of looking at the camera, and you're like, That's the younger brother phased into the older brother. Yeah, it's like deep thoughts. Or you remember that Saturday Night Live stream? Deep thoughts. Yeah, they do remember that. Yeah, I remember the one Michael Jordan was on with. Oh, really? That wasn't deep thoughts. That was um, I'm good enough. Affirmations. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. And he looks in the mirror, he's looking at the mirror, and he gets Michael Jordan to say it, Michael. It's I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. That's so funny. And the crowd goes crazy. Oh man. But it was funny. What what we were talking about pre-call or pre-recording was we it it'll be posted or or I guess released the episode, uh, a podcast that we got to be guest on. Yeah. Which is our buddy, he's been on our podcast, Mark Clement, and he has his podcast called The Age of Lions. Yeah. I almost yeah, the Age or Age of Lions. Yeah. Yeah, Age of Lions. So when this is released, it's probably not out yet, right? No, no, it's not. We're later. When I thought I don't know, it might be. I don't know. Uh we'll definitely tell you. Traffic's alive. Yeah, yeah. We were we were the filler, we were the margin. Until he could get his over 50 people guessed. Because it's all about being over 50. Yeah, yeah. And life in that really that second half, the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s. Yeah, and and here we are, you know. Our young spray 47, 48 year olds. Yes. And I almost thought, I thought about this later. I was like, we should have referenced. I know you're an Age of Lions podcast, so does that make us like Age of Cubs? That's it. We're on our way from Cubhood. We're Cubhood into lion lionhood. Yeah. So anyway. And we clearly showed it at the beginning because we were we were goofing. Yeah. I was like, I don't know your demographic, and then, but we're, you know, this could be a lot of fun. We're gonna laugh a lot. What made it funny was we're on the same, we're we're in our podcast studio, so it's just me and Rhett with our two mics looking at one screen. So if I'm talking, it's not, and he does video, we don't, he does video. Yeah, the camera shot would usually go to the one talking. We're both in the one shot. We're in the one shot all the time. So if one of us are talking a long time, the other we just trying to stay focused. And we were just talking about how you're aware that you're not talking, and you are aware of how's my am I making an engaged face right now? Or am I letting my tooth slip out, the gum? Everything you were saying. Yeah, because I'm biting my bottom lip and not aware of it. Yeah, because on a video, especially when we're both in the shot and you're talking and you've got great gold and great content of the things you're sharing. I'm I'm literally like kind of off to your side behind you. Yeah. I'm looking at the back of your head and then I'm looking at the camera, and I'm looking at the back of your head, and then I'm looking at the camera, and I'm literally like, if I look weird, no matter what you're saying, people on video are not even gonna listen because they're watching me. They're looking at the odd guy. What's the odd guy doing? Well, that was me because his facial expression's something in his teeth. You're kind of behind me, so I'm doing the thought where if I look to my right, I'm not even looking at you, but I'm trying to give the portrayal of I'm acknowledging you. You know, I'm not looking at you at all. You're you're I'm taller than you, so I have to kind of step back a little bit so the shot in the frame looks right. Yeah, yeah, I've got it. Looks like I got probably like he's got like a funky lazy eye. Because I'm looking, but I'm not looking at you. But I'm trying to show the camera, like, let's pay attention to the rhythm. And do you smile or do you kind of have that little like hmm, you know, kind of look? Or because you're saying something serious, but I don't shouldn't be smiling. Yeah. So video is a whole nother thing, man. And people are like, why don't you do video? That's why we don't do video. Well, that's a you you make a good point. You can be so focused on yourself, yeah, that the other person makes they might make a sad point. And and if you're tracking with them, you know they're going somewhere sad. Right. But they might say something that sounds funny at first. Right. If you're not tracking with them, you're liable to go like and then you realize it's a serious story. Like, oh, my bad. I didn't know that. And then the rest of the story, all your mind is thinking, crap, I just laughed. I look like a no, I I would I literally, if I would have done that, I would like, oh look, we're stop, stop. This is editing. I will re we are editing this. Yeah. Like, dude, it didn't happen. Yeah, but yeah. I said my grandma died and you laughed. Yeah, you didn't realize what I was trying to say. You weren't even listening to what I said. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, we had a great time on the podcast, so we'll let you know when that kind of gets released. And you know, if you want to go listen to it, you know, we share some of the same things, some of different things. There were some good questions he was asking us, you know. Yeah, I thought so too. I almost thought, wow, we just ought to play that as one of our episodes. Yeah, you know, we both didn't. It just didn't fit what our spiel is. Like our it was fun, but it doesn't fit all of a sudden. It's like age of lions, talking about being old. Armchair authentic. It's like, well, I was honored. I was like, hey man, it was great to be on it. You know, the fact that you're asking us means a lot. Yeah, it means a lot. Yeah. And maybe you're out of other people, but it means a lot. And we're gonna let it mean a lot to us. No, Mark's a friend. Yeah, you know, yeah, he's totally new. I think that's why we have a little more fun messing with him. Yeah. But I I did think about uh when we were when we were sharing stories and someone's not listening, it it reminded me I was doing a worship workshop years ago. And I'm I'm sharing, we had a group of these churches come in to study a process, a development process that we have. And I'm I remember at this moment, I'm I'm the keynote speaker and I'm saying something, and it's land everything feels like it's landing. But then someone who is on my team puts their hand up to bring a clarifier. And so I acknowledge them. I'm like, yeah, so and so. And then they make this statement, but it's a statement I just finished saying. But he he was like, but but remember though, when you're when you're doing this, that you really want to da-da-da-da-da. And the the whole room's quiet because they're thanking what I'm thinking. He just said that. I was trying to be gracious, so I said how did you approach that? Oh, I was like, Hey, thank you. Great reminder there. And yes, definitely, that is something you want to write down. I tried to like make it a win. Yeah, and then I moved on and I kept talking. Same guy, hands up about five minutes later. Yes, go ahead. Is there something you wanted to add? Oh my gosh. Yeah, before we get to questions, da da da da da da. Same thing I just said. And it ended up, it ended up happening. And so that one I was still gracious, maybe a little less. Yeah. Hey, yeah, great reminder. I actually I just said that, but that hey, good reminder. We moved on a third time. You gotta be kidding. No, I'm not kidding. A third time raises his hand. I'm thinking, there's no way this is actually gonna be a good question. Yeah, hey, yes, go ahead. Give us what what do you got, man? Yeah, yeah. And I finally just said, Hey, so and so. I literally just said that, and that is the third time that you've said something that I've said, and now the room is feeling it. So almost like if I don't call it out, it's awkward. This is a person on your team that's trying to help reinforce what this process is and how to do it and what it looks like. But they're clarifying that I might not have said it, but the thing is they're just looking ahead, trying to make sure they're getting some of their favorite parts put in. So they're not listening to anything that I'm saying. And so that was the reminder. And it became so awkward that the room is almost feeling awkward for the person. So you get to a point that you finally just have to call it out. So you're not listening, man, because that's the third time you've said something. And then the room laughs, and it actually made it better. Got it. And and to be gracious, after it was over, yeah, you know, I said, Hey, let's let's let's meet real quick. Let me just give you some feedback. And I did give them the feedback, and I was like, Man, three times in a row. Yeah. Like you interrupted and then you clarified what was already said, and they had already taken those notes. Yeah. And it was just one of those moments of this first there's a first time for everything. And that it was a really, really interesting moment. I I'm the kind of guy that thinks of all the witty things to say about 24 to 48 hours after an event. I'm like, God, I should have said that or should have done this. But when you say that, it it almost it's almost as if I would like play that off in the future if that ever happened again. And going, and by the way, we set this up on purpose to ensure that you got these points. Because everything that I just said and the questions he's asking is, you know, like you could totally in like light bulb moment, like, oh, this is on purpose. Yeah, and then pull the guy later and go, dude, I'm trying to save you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're not listening to anything I'm saying. Yeah. But no, I mean, there's a there's a lesson to be learned there for sure, because it's really easy, especially if you're task mode and task-minded, it's really easy to think, oh, we gotta hit this, we gotta hit this, we gotta hit this, and I disengage with whatever somebody's speaking or saying, or you're interviewing, and then all of a sudden it's like I'm not even listening to what they're saying. It's that listen to understand, not to respond. And that person, whoever they were, they weren't listening to understand. They already had their mind made up. I've got to say this, regardless. And so, yeah, poor dude. The awareness or whoever just being a yeah, who was it? It was a dude. I can't say that. It's John Ross. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Sorry, Jerry. I'm kidding, Jerry, you would never do that. Never. No, no. I'm just messing with you, bro. No longer, he's no longer on team with the season. Of course not. And that was his last. He contributed several more years, and he's flourishing in another place. That's wonderful. Yes, so wonderful. I'm so grateful for the flourishment. You know, there is a good in goodbye. There is. Have you ever noticed that? Like, I I had a pastor give me a gift one day. He was a pastor in Napa, and he said, I need you, I want you to read this book. He said, I had a pastor give it to me. I was like, awesome. It says putting the good in goodbye. And like there are transitions in seasons that it's okay to say goodbye. That's and I'm not saying that I'm with that individual. Oh, it was a good guy. It was for both. I think so many people think that timing is important. Like goodbyes or seasonal transitions are a bad thing. And I'm like, no, seasonal transitions are great for everybody involved. Yep. And it's okay. Whether a lot of that happens through, well, I disagree with this or I want this to happen and it's not going to happen here. So I'm going to go somewhere where that can't happen. Let's be real. And that's a hey, that's a good thing because if that person and some God stirring something in them and it's different than the vision that God's given you, well, two visions is division. Yeah. And but it's not like I don't want to hold you back, so I want to bless you. You know, hey, go, go do that. And goodbye. Like, not like, hey, God, good riddance. No, it's like, hey, like, it's okay. And if seasons find themselves, the door is always open, and we find ourselves back in ministry again, like the Paul and Barnabas and and what John Mark or whatever.

Justin: 13:58

John Mark, yeah.

Rhett: 13:58

You know, kind of kind of mindset. There's just, I don't know, man. I I think that's good, man. Good bye means good in the buy, like bye, and it can be good. Yeah. And it's a very practical book, but it helped me and it freed me as a pastor to think that every single person that walks through your door has to stay. And I'm like, no, right. It's not a yeah, no, no, you know that in your head, but you feel it different when you're leading it. Yeah, it feels very personal. Whenever you're leading something, a person leaves that. You your your flesh takes that person. 100%. Even though you know it, like, but it's a mindset and it's a choice, and it's it's so awesome the blessing that follows and the freedom that comes when you live your life open-handed. Yeah. These are not my people, these are God's people. This is not my church, this is God's church. Yeah. I steward it while it's in my care, but it's okay if that person, like, because God's got a caller and plan for that person's life, and they make their own choices. And sometimes it's a like, hey, it's a good thing. Yeah. You know, doesn't always all transitions don't have to be bad. They can be really good. We've talked before about the Disney mindset. Yeah. Where it's fairy tale, happy endings, but we still have to remember that's a that's a world view. That's a world mindset of let's use Disney. Happily ever after. Happily ever after. But we've talked about this before. The struggle of like there should be a wrestling and a struggle in our faith. It's not just happy, happy days all the time. There, like there is a joy that exists even in sadness and happy type joy. Right. That's it's the joy of the Lord is our strength. But you can have joy in the midst of despair, but it doesn't have to look like ha ha ha, right? Everything's great. But in the same way, you can have, we'll use church, you can have team members, you can have congregants, whoever it is, right, that begin to have God is move working in their life. And through the movement, it doesn't always mean there's harmonious movement between all parties. Right. It might mean that your movement that you feel God is is doing begins to create. You know, I want to use the word division carefully in my example here. Right. But they're create there begins to be different thoughts towards the kingdom. Everything's still scripture, but what it does, it creates a potential shift to be launched into a direction. You used the example a while ago that you have Barnabas and Paul. I mean, they are tearing it up. They are having Gentiles, they're having Jews, converting to becoming Christ's followers. God is moving when they're visiting these spaces. I mean, it is evident God is with them. Yeah. And then at some moment they seem inseparable. Where there's Paul, there's Barnabas. Where there's Barnabas, there's Paul. Matter of fact, or this coating. Without Barnabas, Paul would have never been welcomed into the fold. Exactly. Barnabas brought Paul to the council in Jerusalem, the the apostles who were staying located while the church had been scattered, which God used persecution in a good way. God saw that as good because it got people out. But you still had this group of people, and the book of Acts talks about it that were the apostles, like Peter, all these guys.

Justin: 17:10

Yeah.

Rhett: 17:10

They're there. Barnabas has to bring Paul in because people are still a little skeptical. Like he could be a spy. Is he gonna kill us? Is he gonna kill us and stone us and bring the you know the whole crew with him to take us all out? And Barnabas is such a trusted person, he puts his stamp of approval. I got it. I back, I ref here's my reference. He I'm the reference on his job description. Yeah, and they welcome him with open arms. So now they're sent out to go do the work of the Lord, and they are having by the thousands, I mean, healings, people giving their heart to Jesus, all demonic forces being cast out. It's amazing. And at some point, yeah, there's a parting of ways. Yeah, Barnabas Paul kind of becomes the the ring leader, which it's great that Barnabas was happy to just be the encourager and I'm with you wherever you go. So that's that's another way that God creates people. It leaders not better. The person who can follow the leader is they help make the part complete. Right. So Paul wants to go to this place. Barnabas is ready, but he gives his opinion. Let's bring John Mark with us. Yep. And clearly John Mark did something. Something that upset Mark's earlier stress there that he didn't think that he would bring much value based off of past circumstances. Yeah, and I forget the name of the place, Pamphylia, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they you can even read it and you can assume that must be the spot. I forget where it is. It's in Acts 11, 10. I don't know, somewhere in the anyway study it. He didn't think he didn't think he was reliable enough for what they were doing. At some point, Paul Yeah, it says that John Mark went back. It didn't give anything else, but you can almost look and say maybe that's the time that Paul felt like he stepped out too soon. For some reason, he went somewhere, went back home. So now Paul is like, I mean, Barnabas says, let's go get John Mark, and Paul's like, nah. Yeah. He he he stepped out on his last time. So let's pause really quick. So the favor train between John Mark and Paul no longer existed. At some point there was favor there. Oh, he loved him. He loved him. And then something happened where it's like, I don't think he's gonna be much use, not to say he's not a good person and all of that, but something happened. We don't get the detail of what very much. But it was like Paul's like, no, I don't know feeling that anymore. He got in the way of our mission. Yeah, he's like, whatever he did and all however it looked, he kind of stepped in the way. And I don't really, it's like this it's the assumption of some how a trust was broken or something that happened, John Mark all of a sudden now is out of the favor. What I call a favor train. Yeah. Of oh, I like I'm not sure why I don't like him anymore, but I don't really want to, I don't want him with us. But Barnabas, yeah. Barnabas like, no, I the same thing I saw in you, Paul, I see in him. That's right. And Paul's like, yeah, yeah, you know. Well, and it was something that Barnabas felt strong about, yeah, and Paul felt strong about, and they could not this unity that we go back to Disney. Yeah, this unity, there it's happy ending. If the Disney movie would say they worked it out and they brought John Mark or Barnabas agreed, yeah, John Mark is a punk. Let's not take him. And they live happily ever after. Yeah. Well, this isn't Disney. God works in it because Barnabas stayed resolved that John Mark needs to go. Paul stayed resolved, he don't need to go. And what happens? They put the good and goodbye. They put the good and goodbye, and now uh Barnabas takes John Mark. Paul takes Silas. Yeah. And later on that trip meets Timothy. Yeah. And now I was going to say, and a lot of pastors will preach, and then you never hear from Barnabas and you know, John Mark ever again until a little bit later. And so who made the right decision? And they always kind of frame it as if Paul was right and made the best decision because look, he wrote two-thirds of the New Testament. So God obviously, you know, Paul Barnabas should have listened to Paul. But just but I I don't I don't believe that is what I'm trying to say. They they try to frame it that way, yeah. But we're not all called to to be writing the holy inspired scripture, you know, like you know what I'm saying? Like right, but they went on to do we we know that Barnabas and John Mark went on to do great things. Yeah, we we obviously see the stories and hear the stories of Paul, and and rightfully so, right? But we also know that again, we know that they went on to do great things because of what we see later in in the New Testament. Yeah, it's Paul's point. Yeah, at some point, Paul needs the he he needs some parchment, he's like in prison, all this stuff. What did he say? Send John Mart. He's been a big help to me. I would have loved to have known the details of how all of a sudden they worked all that you know confrontation or the good and goodbye out. They obviously cared themselves well in honor and came to agree to disagree, but still did it in a respectful, loving, kind, grace-filled way to realize we have some differences and we still want to do great things. But the vision that I have for what I feel called to, I'm going here, the vision you know that you feel called to to do that. But we're gonna go accomplish great things. But I would have loved to have had the detail of what was it, how do they work it through? Because obviously, like you just said, yeah, there's great value because Paul is in need is like, hey, make sure John Mark is a part of bringing you know these parchment papers to me. You know, he's been a great value. It's like that the fact that a lot of biblical scholars think that we have Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, yeah, that Mark is John Mark. Yeah. There's people, there's scholars who believe that that could be John Mark who wrote that gospel. Could be. So I mean, when you even put that stuff on it, and if you don't know, you can't just kind of put your all eggs in one basket. Right. But there's enough to look at at this and realize that there's you just don't write somebody off. Usually when God allows that stuff to happen, yeah, um, he's actually scattering, and scattering sounds bad. Multiplying, but it's multiplying. Yeah, that's the good word. He's multiplying it. And going back to original uh conversation that that we were having on here, it something that hit my head is when we were talking congregational and goodbyes and team members having to shift, we can set up this almost the summary or the synopsis of it that it was bad for the one who transitioned out if they're not among what you're still among. Right. And it just doesn't work that way. When you look at the God thing, exactly, we can almost minimize the one who's no longer in our peripheral. But if you were to stop and still yourself and just realize put yourself in that other person's mind, all they experience right now is God's presence with them too. So you're out of their peripheral. So are you better off or are they better off? Well, it's neither. Right. You're both and it's both and you're going in what God has. Right. And it took some kind of disagreement, it took some kind of view on seeing things differently. Yeah. That I don't you say that this is what ministry is, I kind of see it different. And that might be a way that leads you out that door of that particular place. But it doesn't mean the place you're leaving is bad. Right. It means that that expression of God is gonna continue and people are gonna make a difference. It also means this other person or groupings or whatever, God is stirring something in them and they're gonna go make a difference. Yep. It's why you have pastors and church plans. Yep. Because I've heard people say before, what if we just all got along and we were just this one? The reason why you have pastors is they just had to go start their own thing and they couldn't just submit. And I would say spoken from a pastor who did the same thing? Yeah, exactly. And well, like, yeah, I know all these people like weird. Sure, yeah. That's human. I bet that does happen. Does somebody's ego get into them and it makes them go? Absolutely. Well, and also does someone's fear get into them and prevent them from ever stepping out? Sure. Yeah, absolutely. But the fact is, when you have a pastor, you'll usually notice that it's the souring that can sometimes take place. And the souring, once again, we try to just say, Well, that's bad. This side's bad. We try to form sides, but if we would just rest and see that the gospel of Jesus is allowing allowing certain sourings to happen, so because if we're just so comfortable with each other, we're never gonna go do anything. Right. We have to have something that prompts us, that stimulates us to go. And that's why you have these pastors, so forget what it could be vanity, all that. I'm I'm gonna talk in the pureness of heart because God, when He puts that calling on you, right, and you go and you step out, now instead of this one church, we've got two churches. And the same thing happens. People get stirred, they get built up because of your teaching. And now, because of an environment that has been created in this body of Christ, more are being sent out. More are being sent out. It's not a competition, it's complimentary. We are, you know, we all complement each other, we all look a little bit different. And I and I think if we only stay within our own circle and that's what it looks like, then we all end up being comfortable, like you talked about. We all begin to look the same. Yeah, and it's like, but there's so much diversity out there, and God needs us to be diverse. Yes, you know what I mean? Every if if you know Jesus Christ is the head of the church, right? Yeah, he's the head, and we're his body, right? There are not one part of my body looks the same. I mean, you could you could argue, well, my left hand and my right hand look pretty much the same because you know I got five fingers, but each one of these fingers is completely different than the other, and the the handprint and the fingerprint on my left hand is a different handprint and fingerprint, right, on my right hand. There's diversity even in the parts that kind of look even somewhat similar. And what I'm trying to say is the body of Christ is beautiful, and who are we to limit it to say everything needs to look like a hand or a finger? You know what I mean? That's right. There needs to be a kneecap over in you know this part of the country, and there needs to be a toe over in this part of the country, and they're also beneficial. Yeah, and they all complement each other for the beautiful picture that is the bride of Christ that God is coming back for.

Justin: 27:34

Yeah.

Rhett: 27:34

And I just think, man, like there is a there's a lot of wisdom in learning how to lead as a leader, if you're a lead pastor or you lead an organization, to go, hey, transition is actually like it's a beautiful thing. Yeah, you know, the goal is that we're all abiding in Christ, not abiding in a leader. That's right. And when we abide in Christ and we remain in him and he remains in us, then we will bear fruit wherever we are. Yeah. Right. And in in that fruit, there are a bunch of branches on a tree. And all I see is another branch being grown and more fruit being produced just in different areas in a different way. Yeah. That's so that's how I that's how I see it in my mind. Even picture that someone, one of those branches going back to how God's so sovereign, if someone did step out in vanity, yeah, he'll prune that. And that branch, perfect, he'll prune that and it will actually become what it could have been. Exactly. So the hunger that it took to go launch, God loves that hunger, but he also loves humility. So that hunger is now gonna have a dose of humility added. And when you have humility, you can do anything. And God knows exactly what we need, and he allows us to make the decisions we make in order to put us in a place of growth, always growth, yeah, with our heart. And sometimes, well, let's say it was vanity, let's say it was pride, let's say it was arrogance that that you know was this initial transition, if you will. Yeah. Um they'll learn what they need to learn in that season. You know what I'm saying? And and God will prune that branch. And what does he do? He prunes that, why? So that it can produce more fruit. Yeah. So there's a beauty in the pruning. We never talk about God cutting things away from us.

Justin: 29:11

Yeah.

Rhett: 29:11

But oftentimes we want to branch off and do our own thing. God's like, okay, all right, you're making that decision, and I'm gonna prune that in you. That's right. And it's gonna come one way or the other. If you, if you want to, even if you do it in pride, but yet in pride in in the sense of, well, I'm doing this for God, and you know, I really feel the strong this way. And whether it was right or wrong, it doesn't matter. Let's say your heart is is pure in the decision, but yet there's some arrogance in it. Like you can't see it, you're not self-aware enough to see it. God will God will shine his light on that. It will, it will come to fruition, and we don't look for that and go wish that upon anybody. Well, they'll learn their lesson, you know. That's not what I'm saying. But our prayer is God, I pray that through the decisions they make, that Lord, they'll continue to be blessed as they put you first. And As you're pruning me, Lord, and that's all I can focus on is prune me. And Lord, I wish them the best. And I really do, you know, and I think that's what we see in scripture with Paul and Barnabas. Yeah. Hey man, I wish you the best. I'm going my direction. You're going your direction. And I'm so grateful that scripture put that in there because it allows us the freedom to go, hey, it's okay. Yeah, that's right. One of the biggest I, you know, and speak to pastors for a minute. Maybe you're listening. The biggest thing that I tried to do as a leader is to lead open-handed because I never saw good fruit from those that led with close-handedness, meaning like I'm trying to control it.

Justin: 30:37

Yeah.

Rhett: 30:37

And so I'd always lead from the place when people would come, oh, I love this church. This is so awesome. This is so exciting. We're so grateful we found you. I said, man, we're so thankful that you're here and that God brought you here in this season. I would always put in this season. Yeah. Because it's like, you know, we all need different things in different seasons. Cause oftentimes people that were doing that were also going, man, the church we came from. And I'm like, I don't, hey, I don't want to. It says a lot about the people coming, you know, they're always like, well, that church didn't do this and didn't do that, but y'all are doing it. And that's why you're awesome. And I'm like, well, I'm, you know, we all need different things in different seasons. And as we would build leadership, I would always tell them, I'd be like, look, man, for the season that we're in together, it's so great. I would, I would selfishly, I would have these conversations. Can I be selfish for a moment? I'd love for us to do this forever together, ministry. Man, that'd be amazing. Yeah. But can I be honest with you? That's an unrealistic expectation that I can that I would have.

Justin: 31:30

Yeah.

Rhett: 31:31

Because I've done life long enough to know that there are seasons in every single one of our lives, just like there's seasons in life, right? We're entering a season, we're in fall, getting ready to go into winter. Yeah. Right. And then what we know spring's coming and we know summer's coming. Yeah. And so I tell people, like, man, I'm just grateful for the season we get to do this. And if you ever feel that there's a transition into a new season, just know we're 100% would love to have that conversation and bless you along the way.

Justin: 31:57

Yeah.

Rhett: 31:58

Because what are you doing? You're telling them you're, you're, you're building the foundation, you're building the framework and going, look, number one, you're not mine. There are seasons. My expectation is that we're not doing it forever, even though I'd love that, that'd be great, but that's not realistic. But I'm trying to give them the freedom to know there's open-handedness here, that they have the will, they have the ability to feel like they can come and enjoy for the season, be a part, make a huge difference. But if God ever, like Paul and Barnabas, ever has a season of, well, we kind of would like to do these things, then that's great. And if that fits within what we're trying to accomplish, awesome. If not, hey, we'll put some good in that goodbye and do what we can to see you continuing to produce fruit as another branch for the kingdom to multiply. It might not be here, but that's okay. Maybe it is down the street. Yeah. But I just want you to know on the front end, like, like it's okay. Be free. You know what I mean? Like, you know, because some people come in, they're like, man, I want to be here forever. And I'm like, I know you're saying that. And that sounds great, but yeah, let's frame it with some wisdom here. Yeah. That way I'm very zealous in your comedy. I'm taking care of you. Right. But I'm also taking care of us. And I'm trying to build a realistic expectation within how this works within the body of Christ. So there's a lot of freedom there and open handedness. And some people think, man, that's crazy. I'm like, well, I've done enough leadership to know that not every relationship that walks through the door is going to be with you forever. Hey, friends, if you're enjoying today's conversation, can you do us a huge favor? Would you share the link of this episode with a friend, with a coworker, with a buddy? I email it, airdrop it, text it, comment on Facebook, however, you would like to share it. Man, it would mean so much to us to help us get the word out to have more friends join us in on this journey. Thank you. All right. Now back to the conversation. That's right. And God speaks through even through his creation. Next time you're walking outside, and of course, now it's going to look different, but I think back to even in the spring, I talk a lot about walking the gardens. You know, I just, it's one of my sacred spots. You know, just stop for a minute, especially in that time of year, and you're going to see the most beautiful leaves on some of these trees. And just study it. It is vibrant, it's green, it's alive, it is thriving. Yeah. Now walk to the gardens this time of year right now. These trees, leaves are completely shed. They're all over the ground. They're not just dead, they're just dried up and crunchy now. If you step on them, and it's a reminder that this leaf, go pick one up, you know, at the time of this recording, go outside and pick one up and just have this thought. This was beautiful. This was a thriving leaf, and now it can crumble in your hand into a million pieces.

Justin: 34:44

Yeah.

Rhett: 34:44

Because seasons weren't meant to last forever. Right. And so when you're speaking about that, I think about, yeah, there's there's these mom amazing moments of thriving. And the leaf kind of represents that that season's over. It doesn't mean that you're the bad guy that you withered up, if you will, and and dried towards the what you're a part of. Because it also means there's a rebirth of something that's going to be growing. Right. And even, God, even on the healthiest of things, if I have a direction for my tree by my house right now, it's starting to grow like crazy. Like it, I mean, we're very thrilled. We actually put up uh two of these type trees. Well, probably four of them. We moved in four years ago. And on the right side of my house, if you're looking at my house, it's, I mean, they're thriving. They have created privacy where you can't even see around where you pull into our garage. It's beautiful. On the other side, same trees, but it gets blocked from the sun. And it's just a it's it's alive, but it's a scrawny little thing. Yeah. And so, but but still, the fact is, when you're looking um at that, these trees are thriving so much on the right, they're now beginning to invade what we want them to be, their purpose. And so we have to prune, as you said a while ago. I don't care if it's thriving and it looks good. A couple of these are branching out into a direction that are not in my plans. You don't want that, yeah. It's not good. It's not good that it does that. And it's going to be pruned in the proper season when you prune trees. Yeah. And it's, but there was nothing wrong with it. If that tree could talk, it'd be like, What? What are you doing? I'm doing, yeah. I'm doing what I was supposed to be doing. I'm thriving. Look at this green. That, but that wasn't the direction for this, yeah, right here. And that is God. He is the pruner on our life. And you could even feel like that you're in something right now, and it's just thriving. Frame it in friendship for a minute. A lot of us think, like, you know, I'm mentioning like a leader as a church, an organization, you've got people coming and then they leave, right? Well, think of it through the lens of friendship, or even, you know, certain family members at times. Yeah. There are there are seasons in friendships. It doesn't mean that, like, you know, for you and I, yeah, there's I don't ever see us having a season of of growing apart that we never talk to each other again. It's been 40 years. Right. That's what I'm saying. It's a rarity, and praise God for it. It's rare. There have been seasons where we don't talk to each other enough because we're, you know, live on a different side of the country or whatever. And that season might mean maybe once a week. Right. But it's unrealistic. It's unrealistic to think that every single person that you've ever walked into your life, done a coffee with, had a conversation, uh, went to high school with, or, you know, college or even church in a season that you're going to maintain that type of friendship with that person forever. It's unrealistic. Yeah, it's good. You you just you can't. And it's okay to say goodbye to some friends and it'd be healthy. Meaning it's not that they're toxic. It's not that they're not uh able to, you know, you add value to them and they add value to you, but the season that you're in, whether you're married, right? Got kids or single or young adult or college, you know, whatever season or framework you're in in life will determine the type of friendship or where things are, right? You know, and I guess what I'm trying to say is um, you know, be sure to live your life in a way where not every single person, you know, I'm not saying I gotta be careful how I say this because I'm not trying to be negative, and you can help me drive the process out. I I feel your direction, keep going. What I'm trying to, what I think what I'm trying to say is that not every friend that is a friend needs to continue to be a friend at the level of whatever that friendship used to be.

Justin: 38:48

Yeah. Right? Yes.

Rhett: 38:50

So based off the season of life you're in, because you only have so much time. Yeah. You only have so much mental capacity, right? You only have and so it's really easy to be a friend on the side of feeling offended that, well, they don't want to hang out with me. Well, it's not that I don't want to hang out with you, it's just that I'm in a different season of life, and it it's not devaluing our friendship. Right. It's just that we're in different seasons, and and we both need to come to an agreement to go, hey, whether or not we get coffee every eight, nine months. Right. I could step into a coffee house in nine months and just catch up like we've haven't missed a beat, but that doesn't mean I need to hang out with you every week. Right. But it was, it can, and it can still be powerful to you. And it can be 100% powerful and effective, but it doesn't have to be all the time, you know. And I and again, you know, I'm not trying to sit here and say that I'm something special and everybody wants to hang out with. That's not what I'm trying to say. I hope that's not the heart. Because there's people that I've recognized that I've had friendships with that I would love to be like, oh man, I wish I could hang out with them all the time. That's right. But I'm like, that's not realistic. And I'm and I'm and I'm aware enough in the season of life that I am to go, hey, you know, if that season comes back around, awesome. Yeah. Right? That's right. But I I've just I don't need them. I know that sounds bad, but I really don't need them. But when you can say that, and we'll address toxicity in a little bit. But if you can say that in a non a non-toxic way, yeah, it's so healthy. And that's what I'm saying. It's like a non-toxic, I don't need you. I I appreciate you, and I appreciate the value we had in a season of life, whether it was the past or uh, but like I like, I don't, I don't, I don't have to have this in order for me to feel complete. Right. I I have enough with my wife, my son, uh more importantly, God.

Justin: 40:46

Yeah.

Rhett: 40:47

And in the circle of where I'm headed and in in the decisions that I'm trying to make right now to help fulfill where God is calling me to, where I am, but moving forward. And again, I know that can sound so bad as it comes out of my mouth. No, but I hope people hear the heart and intent that I'm not over here thinking, eh. I think that's why. Yeah, help me clarify that, but you know, for the listeners and the friends that I'm not about helping you clarify. How if I'm doing a great job. I'll keep having the combo with you. I just think that yeah, we're supposed to wrestle, and I think I believe things are uncomfortable, and that's okay. Yeah. Even like our number one tendency is to try to show how this makes sense because we don't want to be misunderstood. And I feel everything that you're saying, some of my biggest growth moments. I've been the guy. I've had you as a friend to get to talk about my woes of not being embraced in certain circles at times.

Justin: 41:42

Yeah.

Rhett: 41:42

Because I want it so bad. Yeah. But as I have to mature, and because I have, I do have the the right people in my life from summer, I have you, right? I have my the right people in my life that I can have good, healthy conversation to not let it get toxic, but to talk it out. Because if you stretch and you grow and you you get pruned, you begin to realize, man, but my motivation for wanting that inner circle wasn't a noble motivation. Exactly. It was more for me, and it really wasn't a it was more for me to be a part of it. It really wasn't even wanting to be in relationship with that person or that group of people. Right. And if you get honest, you can get and and you can do the work without running. I think two new people run. And and this is my caution to me and you, obviously, but the people listening, we it's natural to want it's it's fight or flight, freeze or fawn. You hear those of psychology. We run. We don't even want to, or we, or we duke it out. We don't want to confront the fact that that a lot of this stuff is going on inside of us. Right. And so I understand how we all want to be friends to all. We want to be in every circle. I just happen to believe the the more I've been surrendered to Christ in 32 years, that the wrestling has been the one constant of life. There is the great uptimes and there's the woeful downtimes. Right. And the the phrase I heard a theologian say one time is the common phrase for both of them is this too shall pass. And it's going to pass no matter what you're in, the good or the bad. And that sounds like, man, come on, be more positive. But it's like it is, it's going to pass because we live in the wrestling. And part of the friendship dynamic you're talking about is we want to be friends to all, we want to be able to give time to all, but we are humans who have capacity. God is the one who has no capacity. He has limitless, I should say, unlimited capacity to be there and to draw near to the multitudes, the billions and billions of creations, but we still can wrestle. And that's why you have to have people that you can wrestle with because it's the wanting to be a part of things or someone's wanting to be a part of you. And that doesn't make it you're the bad guy or they're the needy person. Yeah. It's pay attention to those moments because there's a pruning going on. God is going to create some kind of discomfort. Yeah. He has to scatter you at times. He has to allow you to be scattered. And he allows the uncomfortable conditions of feeling not enough. Yeah. And he allows the conditions of feeling like I need this or I need that. He just allows it to do its work on us so that we will scatter to where we need to scatter. Yeah. Or we will surrender our pride and our arrogance to be humble and to remain wherever we are or to move, forget org charts. Move up an org chart, move down an org chart. None of that matters. Yes, but God does want to at least allow things to happen so that your humility will reign and that it will allow you to say, God, I don't really care where I am. If it's where you've placed me, I'm going to learn to find my contentedness in this space and find the right friends in my life in this space and try to be the right friend. Yeah. But not be a friend to someone because I feel like they're expecting it from me. Right. It's just this wrestling that we can keep going on. Yeah, I know. So I wrote down these four words, or actually six or more than that, seven. I literally wrote four words, but the way I'm going to say it is more than that. And that is the less I strive, the more I thrive. Come on. In in that that applies in every area of my life. In friendships that we're talking about. It resonates. The less I strive for a friendship, the more I thrive in friendships. And meaning there's nothing that people can offer me that I don't already have.

Justin: 46:07

Yeah.

Rhett: 46:08

Right. Like with God in my life, um, his love in in coming to an understanding of the way he loves me and how he loves me, and growing in that understanding of loving myself the way that God loves me. It's like I value friendships, but I don't need these friendships because God will provide me what I need when I need it. Because not because I'm trying to be so desperate for it and trying to insert myself into rooms or a people group or a certain type of people that I think if I can just get in that room, I can be seen and I can be empowered with their approval or affirmation in what I'm doing in the direction I'm going to make me feel like, aha, I feel good about myself because I have their approval. Or that they can give you a platform. Or a platform. Right. And so it's like, no, man, like there's so much freedom and there's so much grace, and there's so much like I can breathe when I don't have to strive for anything for a friend. And God doesn't want us striving, He wants us thriving, but how do we do that? Well, you know, less of me, more of Him. It's this denying of ourself, right? And so I think what I'm trying to say with friendships is you know, this may come out wrong, but I don't need like I love you, yeah, but I don't need you.

Justin: 47:34

Yeah.

Rhett: 47:35

Now I can there's a lot of value. Yeah. And I could say selfishly, I need you because of this, but I don't rely on you to fulfill who I am in the Lord. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's it, just speak to you and I, right? Just like you love me and appreciate me. I know you do. But you don't need me, right? Yeah. No, like I'm enough because of who God is in me.

Justin: 48:01

Yeah.

Rhett: 48:01

Right. And so when I look at friendships or relationships, you know, I'm going to take a moment and I'll, I'll, I will be diligent. I'll be intentional. Um, but if it's not reciprocal, yeah, it's okay. I don't, you know, it's it's okay because I'm not so desperate to have to have that relationship for that to make me, yeah, or to feel accepted, or to feel loved, or feel to feel affirmed, or to feel heard, or to feel like, oh man, if I could just get in a little circle group over there, man, that'd make me all, you know, I'd feel so much better. I'd feel like, no, I don't, I don't need that.

Justin: 48:35

Yeah.

Rhett: 48:35

You know, and and so, you know, and that comes from a healthy place. That's not a toxic of, oh, look at me, you know, you just all that. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that I don't know, there's just when you can live your life that way with that understanding, especially in friendships, because we're talking about putting good and goodbye. We're talking about transitions and seasons, and you know, dude, if I try, if I literally, I've got over uh, you know, it's not very many according to like, you know, what people would consider a lot in our world, but you know, a thousand plus people on Facebook that are our friends. Yeah. I mean, these are people that I've met and said hello, and some of them I've had coffees with and whatever, but like there's no way I could even practically have a friendship with that a thousand plus people. It's impossible. Yeah, that's right. I mean, six and doesn't it's impossible. And it's what Jesus had 12, and 12 is hard enough. Yeah. Then he had the three, you know what I mean? Like, oh yeah, and it's just like there's a model there that says you don't have to be all things to all people. Yeah. I want to share this really quick. Watched documentary last night. I highly recommend it if you're a child of the 80s and John Candy was, you know, influential in your life through movies. So cool. Love that. Yeah. So on Amazon Prime, it's called John Candy, I like me. And it's a story, you know, and it it's just it's more of a tribute to who he is. But they brought in all his friends. It's a story of where he came from and his dad dying. And at a young age, I think he was five years old. And if I heard it right, it was on his birthday. And his whole family just acted as if it didn't happen, never talked about his dad, never talked about his death, just kept moving forward, right? And uh it really impacted him. But John Candy became a people pleaser. And in the story, you watch it, it's very fascinating to me. Um, he wouldn't say no to anything. Yeah. And he would, he would wear himself so thin to the point of just uh panic attacks because he was trying to be all things to all people all the time. Yeah. And so a lot of people, even in the documentary, it talks about him like, man, you've got just as many bad movies that didn't do well, right? That were stupid, and the the culture didn't accept it as a mainstream thing as you do all these hits. And they would talk about this with him and they're, you know, journal do the whole journey. And they were talking about his friends, his close friends that were around him, was like he would say yes to anybody because he was that loyal. And it goes back to pointing if you look through the psychological lens, and I'm not an expert, but I I know well enough to know that because he was lacking a father figure in his life and he was seeking attention and affirmation and all these things, and he had this incredible gift, he was trying to give back things to people that he didn't get for himself. Yeah, it's a dangerous place to live. In fact, Conan Bright, Conan Bright, Conan Bryan?

Justin: 51:24

Conan O'Brien.

Rhett: 51:24

Conan O'Brien, yeah, yeah. So there's Dan Aykroyd, there's all these guys that he grew up with and stuff. But um, I didn't know this about Conan O'Brien. Like John Candy, I won't tell the story, but at the end of the day, Conan Bryant was talking about John Candy and was saying that if you're a people pleaser in Hollywood, it's like drinking from an endless bottom of coffee. Like it's like endless. You they'll suck you for everything that you have. Like they'll just take, take, take, take, take, take, take, take, take. Everybody wants a piece of you.

Justin: 51:53

Yeah.

Rhett: 51:54

And what happened in through the lens of all of it, through, you know, he's an incredible human. And that seems great on the surface that he could try to, no matter what room he would be in, he would stay at bars till late at night, not because he was longing for the attention, but he would do it for the bar owner because he was like, Hey, maybe this guy hasn't had this type of business for a while. And because I'm here, all these people are here and it's bringing business, this guy. Yeah. So I'm doing it for this guy. And everything that he would do, he would stop and give autographs to all these people. He would like it didn't matter what he was doing. He wore himself so thin to panic attacks, eventually led to, you know, the heart, I think it was a heart attack. Heart attack on set. It was on onset. And uh, you know, his dad's dad died of a heart attack. So that kind of runs through his blood. And, you know, anyway, it was just fascinating to see in the context of what I'm what what we're talking about here with this dialogue, it's like the reality of trying to be friends with everybody, you just can't. You can't. And it doesn't mean that you're not kind, it doesn't even mean that you're not caring, it doesn't mean that you're not thoughtful, it doesn't mean that you you don't value friendships. It means you have some healthy boundaries in your life to help point you in a direction of what really is the most important thing for you in the vision that you're trying to accomplish for you, your wife, your kids, your young adult years, your college, whatever season you're in, being sure you've got a clear vision and direction, which is something a big rock I do want to talk about, maybe on a next episode of how important it is to have vision for your life. Yeah. And because then the decisions that you make regarding your friendships, like every decision you make, filters through the lens of what you feel you're called to do and the vision you have for your life. Hey, friends, Rhett here. Just want to take a moment to speak to those who may be joining us for the first time. We want to say welcome, friends. However, you found us, we are so glad that you did, and we believe it wasn't by accident. We're so glad that you joined us in on this conversation today. In fact, if you haven't already done so, could we encourage you to follow us on social media? You can find us on Facebook or Instagram at ArmchairAuthentic or over on X at ArmchairOff Pod. That's Armchair Off A-U-T-H P-O-D. All right. Thanks for taking the time to do that. Now let's get back to our conversation. I think with even how toxicity can get formed, you know, it's fascinating how you tell that story because I think about that. Like former people pleaser here who still wrestles with it all the time. I'm an overcoming people pleaser. That's right. And I can think back many times, many times of overextending myself in the name of for us, ministry, in the name of Jesus, yeah, to be available, to be extra kind. And because I made myself so available, in some of these times of weakness, I would see those who didn't make their self available and it would almost birth like toxicity in me because I would think, man, why are they not available? Right. I needed something. Right. But then when I began to live to a point where I realize, whoa, there's limits and there's capacity limits here. And I'm actually now feeling I need to maybe say no to some of my stuff. Right. I've already spoken against myself with this inner vow of I'm gonna make sure I'll be available. That person wasn't available. Right. In my immaturity, so now I've pressured myself like John Candy. Yeah, I've pressured myself with this shadow side to make myself available. And that was one of the toughest things because if I was looking, allowing any kind of toxic focus to come in there, I couldn't say no because now I'm being the same person I used to not understand. And so that's why when it all really comes down to it, it comes down to you and you having to deal and find a place that you have to, I have to find throughout my week times that I'm still before God where I can just process. And then obviously, friends, meaning you've had those talks many times, but where I'm just reminding myself, okay, Lord, I am yours, I'm your son. I get to worship you and almost calm yourself before you go step into what can generate performative, people-pleasing reactions. If you don't come in there armored up, you're gonna continue to fall prey to these things that you're tempted with. And so that's been a big revelation to me. And so, toxicity, I think about a story I want to read that we were talking about earlier when it was Paul and Barnabas together, yeah, before they had the scattering or they went their own ways. But I read this the other day and it's right on topic of what we're talking about. I like that Bible, by the way. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. It is breaking it in. I am breaking it in. I love it. Smells so good. I was it was like, this is the year I'm getting a brand new Bible. I smell the leather. Can you? Yeah, I bet you can. It smells amazing. I love it. Oh, it's got the Highlands College Torch on it. It is. Isn't that cool? That's awesome. It was a um, it was a gift from the college. That's awesome. So I teach and I create curriculum for them. That's a gift. And so, my gosh, it was I know it was awesome because the same company, I was about to get one, yeah, and then they were like, We want to gift you with something. That's nice. I'm like, Oh my gosh, thank you. Thank you. So I love this Bible. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Um, and it's NIV. I've been in New King James for years. Yeah. And NIV. But it's like this is now my go-to. So oh my gosh, I love it. Just holding it. It's man, cool. Can y'all smell the leather? Can you smell it? Ah, can you smell? But so this is when they went to Iconium, if I'm saying that right. At Iconium, Paul and Barnabas went as usual into the Jewish synagogue. There they spoke so effectively that a great number of Jews and Greeks believed. We talked about that earlier. But the Jews who refused to believe stirred up the other Gentiles and poisoned their minds against their brothers. I'm not even going to keep reading. It's a great story in Acts 14. But that just stood out to me the other day when I was reading. I had to stop and journal immediately. Because when I see poison their minds, if you're not if you're not dealing with yourself, like these are these are these um the the really the Jews at that time, the in the synagogue, Pharisees, people who did not embrace the message, right? It's because you were now bringing something up that they did not agree with, they weren't ready to sway their beliefs, but yet they see the effectiveness. But instead of it changing them to maybe say, I need to lean in more to this, maybe I was wrong. Right. Some of them did, by the way, but the ones who didn't decide to stir up because they did not understand. Right. And the warning that it was a warning to my spirit too, because the weakness can always be there. I'm 47, I'm 32 years surrendered to Christ. I go through the ups. But as I said earlier, you go through the the mountains and then you go through the valleys too. But in the valleys, in those moments of weakness, that's where you can revert back to your former ways if you don't watch out. If you don't give it to Jesus and ask the Holy Spirit to humble you and to let you see through his eyes. And I just think back to so many things. When I see toxicity happening, it's because we haven't done this internal audit or allowed the Holy Spirit. Spirit is Psalm 139. Yeah talks about hey, expose my motives. See if there's any wicked way in me. Search me, Lord. That's not just a search me, Lord, one time. That should be like be being filled with the Holy Spirit. At salvation, you have the Holy Spirit, but you can be being filled with the power of the Holy Spirit. You can be being filled with humility that says, Search me, God, reveal my ways, because I know that I am capable of stepping back into this, but I'm also capable because of you to step into all things new each and every day. The power of toxicity will keep people from seeing the promises that God has in their life. Right. You will be like that leaf that withers up, and you will literally be the leaf. You won't be the branch that's being pruned to grow something greater. Right. You're gonna wither up and you're gonna come to a standstill until God in his mercy allows that to bring you back to realize I'm living life as a victim.

Justin: 1:01:01

Yeah.

Rhett: 1:01:01

And I don't, it doesn't mean people are perfect. Right. But I do have a different outlook on how I used to see things because I was looking through a lens. And as I have been able to grow and mature and hopefully gain some more wisdom, I begin to see things that I used to not understand. And as I've become more secure in who I am, I've begun to see through not needing to be in certain rooms, or to see that someone has the power to give me a platform and forgetting, no, no, no, God has the power to give you the platform. Right. And the platform is not stages, it can be. The platform is whatever your life and your ministry is. Right. It's the platform of being a husband or a wife, it's the platform of being a parent. Yep. The decisions that you make every day with them, it's understanding God ushers in those platforms. It's not people, but when we think people cause that, if those people do something good for us, we love them and we're depending all the more and we're committed, like you said earlier. I'm ready to say I'm with you the rest of my life. Yeah. Wait, slow down. Because the moment that imperfect person does something that you don't agree with, yeah, I'm liable to go stir up with others who are also hurting, like I am. And we're gonna stir up and prevent you. We're gonna try to prevent you from doing the work that you're doing. Whether we know that we're trying to do that or not. And that's why you can look on media feeds, social media feeds. It is filled with people who don't understand and also they're hurt and they haven't dealt with it. Right. It's why many places can, and it goes anyway. I mean, the place that I'm at at Highlands, we can make an announcement. We can make an announcement about property purchased. And it's a fast, it's a wonderful story. And you got so many people who are like, awesome, this is so great. Yeah. But my goodness, you can look at it and you can say, God, there's already like a thousand comments. And and and usually the trolls come out 80% more than the good things to say. And it's like, wow. Because you got people like us who don't spend their time making comments. It's all the negative. Yeah. Yeah. And so you're just looking at it. Yeah. Exactly. I didn't add a comment to say, no, we're not. Oh, it's not right. But I but I didn't, but I'm reading it. Some of them, I'm I I usually abstain from it. Yeah. But I read it and I realize, yeah, man, it's not it. You could name, it doesn't matter what you name, whatever church, whatever company. Yeah. It doesn't change. The person who is wounded, there are things that are going to be words that can be said that are going to poison the minds against the other people. Even the people who God has done something special in. It says that. I mean, right here, even talking about this, they poison the minds against the brothers. So people who had an encounter and thought, this is amazing, this is awesome, about obviously here the gospel of Christ, which is the number one, that even their minds and the power of the Holy Spirit that was just poured out on them, the poisonous language or the negative, the toxic language poison the minds. And it's because their, they had whatever it is that we have to do to protect and guard our hearts and guard our minds was not in place for some and it was in others. You know you're willing to do the work when you allow yourself to become self-aware enough to ask yourself the question is how I'm responding to this. Is this bringing unity or disunity? Is this bringing harmony or disharmony? Because the spirit of the Lord, you want to know where the spirit of the Lord is, it always strives for unity, community, together, commune unity, common unity, right? Um and that's where the spirit of the Lord is, right? The spirit of the enemy comes in divisive. So how I respond to this, my attitude, my reflection, my my post, my comment, my text, my well, you know, how you respond to somebody who did or didn't respond according to your expectation on email, text, phone call, whatever. Yeah, you know you're growing in self-awareness when you begin to ask yourself the question before I send this, you know, how does this come across?

Justin: 1:05:49

Yeah.

Rhett: 1:05:50

Right? How is this speaking to community, common unity? Or is this speaking to my own personal hurt, my own pain, my own platform, my own whatever, my own agenda that brings division, divisiveness? Um, and I think it's important that we all grow to the point to where we ask ourselves, you know, how how what is what is my real reasoning behind this? You know, and I think when you begin to ask yourself that question, you begin to think before you begin to respond. Yeah and you allow the Holy Spirit to move in that, probably a lot of things we wouldn't say, do, actions, you know. And I and I would just say, you know, if you're if you're looking and you do an inventory on your life, which I'm always preaching to myself first, um, is how can I grow in that type of self-awareness? Because I want to be, if I want to glorify God, then I want to do the things that, you know, please the Lord for sure. And that's all whatever I do, I I really, especially within the brotherhood and the Christian brotherhood, you know what I'm saying, within Christ, the church, the body. Um, you know, I'm not saying I can't be confrontational. It's not what I'm don't, you know, balance it out, because truth and grace, right? But is what I'm contributing to this community, is it is it bringing common unity? So I think that's the best way that I would frame it. So I would say, if you're unaware, well, begin to be intentional before you send something, before you email, before you comment, before you respond. How how am I responding?

Justin: 1:07:26

Yeah.

Rhett: 1:07:26

Is it the love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness? Does it does it show the fruit of self-control? And the fruit of the spirit, though. Right? Is it gentleness? Yeah, or is it I just want to be heard? Yeah. And just God, God, what are you like? I've just got to throw this out. I want to give, like, God, yeah. God, where did that where is that coming from? Exactly. Hey, if this is a righteous indignation, right, and it's it's a and you can clearly know that, right? Praise God. But Lord, where is this? Where is this coming from? And what is this emotion evoking? Right. Because if it's you said this a while ago about, and I think I did too, about being there for people. The inner vowel is the it's almost like a it's a negative remedy, but it seems positive. I will never, whatever. I'll never not meet with someone, or I'll never do this. You create this inner vowel. Yeah. And therefore, now you're gonna become that to somebody and wear yourself out. John Candy reference you gave a while ago. Yeah. But what if you can look at it and say, Lord, what are you doing in this so that my comments aren't being poured out, you know, in this way, social media, but you can also go around and it's just in your you you might not realize that when you hang with people, you just ooze like discontent and just frustration to a group of people that don't even, it doesn't even make sense to them. Like, yeah, that's that you're what you're doing, whether you know it or not, you're poisoning the minds. But if you can still take that emotion, right, don't you're not shamed for it. No. It's okay to have a thought that isn't not a good thought. It's what do you do once that thought happens? And are you going to like spin that thought and go cash it in into society? Or are you gonna realize like this is counterfeit money? Yeah, I'm not cashing this in, I'm turning this in, and I'm going to just shut it down right now. That's what we have to get to the point of doing to not allow the negative toxic talk, not negative talk, I don't mean that, the toxic talk that can poison uh poison the minds of people. Yeah, because it could be that there's a stirring. So we could talk about friends, even talk about some of the best getting back to our world, which is churches. There could be a pastor who says, I I I love big church. Yeah. Wonderful. I love small church. Wonderful. Yeah. That's which I would imagine that means if you've been in a big church, it probably causes some reaction, like, I don't want to be here, I want to be at a small. Yeah. That's awesome. Use that fuel and go give it your all at that place. If you're at small, and it's like, man, I I want to come together with a larger group where we can great. Go to that larger group, but don't diss where you're at. Right. Realize though that God is using the discomfort in you to move you towards something. And when you begin to see it through those lenses, through the lens of humility as well, it's amazing. And I'm speaking to me first. I gotta sometimes we talk so much that, and it's we're a podcast, we're supposed to. But for me, I clarify it like I'm in essence when I'm talking on these podcasts, all you're hearing is me, how I've had to be talked to and talk to myself over many years. And you're just hearing hopefully wisdom that has been attained by having to walk through the mountains and the valleys because God does not give up on us. Right. But we also don't want to continue to circle a wilderness for 40 years if we don't have to. But it's the wisdom of even processing and being aware that that we're doing even live right now in conversation. You better believe it. It's iron sharpening iron. We're we're we're talking so that we can some things we've grown through, some things we've recognized, but we're talking so that we continue to grow, learn, get better to obviously for our soul, our spirit, our body, but more than that, also the other people that we get to do life with and the friends that even dial in and dial in. There you go. 80s, dial in and listen. Call 1-800, you know, armchair authentic and listen to this episode. You know, like who tune in, don't even tune in anymore. You know, used to have the little knobs, you'd tune into the channel, or then you click the button and you follow us. You're you're just hearing two brothers, and there's really been the joy of this uh podcast. Yeah, man. Um, as we begin to wrap down to episode 100 and close the season chapter of this. It's good, wrap down. Yeah, we're we're wrapping it down. Yeah, not wrapping up. We're not wrapping up down. We're wrapping it down. I like that. You like that? Very fresh. Yeah, very chic, very tasteful. So, what we're trying to do, what we've tried to do with this is to, you know, capture real-time conversations, real life, real people, real conversations that aren't just for conversation's sake. There's beauty in that, but it's actually to learn it and grow. It's iron-sharpening iron from people we've done life with, from people we're doing life with, from one another. And so our hope is that you find a brotherhood or a sisterhood or just a common unity, you know, in the body of Christ with other people that you can process this type of stuff out loud without being judged, that you have the freedom to be, hey man, how do you get through this? How are you working through this? Yeah. What are your struggles? How does that play out? How do you get self-aware and become get to the place where you begin to look at yourself and be get before you know, before you respond? And how that, you know, how do all those things that we've just captured and talked about in this episode and the other hundred almost, you know. Um, and so uh anyway, you're you're just getting to hear brothers talk it out loud and yeah, get a chance to grow because enjoy the all the fingers are pointing back at us. We're not talking at you, we're we're talking with you, yeah. Um, and we're really speaking to things we're even working through ourselves. Yeah, we've continually just discoveries we've been able to have. And when you have it, it's that feeling of such a relief. Yeah. Oh my goodness, I don't have to put a weight on somebody else like that. Oh man. I get to imagine that. Cast your cares on to the Lord. Jesus is like, come on. Yeah. And when you have that discovery, it's like fresh discoveries that we get to have for the rest of our lives. We're going to listen to this in five years and realize, wow, what we've learned. Even from that moment. Even from this moment. Yeah, because I I think if you if you just timestamp where we are, right? My hope is that the people that listen will give us the grace to know that five years from now, if somebody goes back and listen to this, that our thoughts may be a little bit different. We've grown in more maturity, and maybe even how we communicate things and getting better. So give us give us the grace to get better in what we're even doing and even processing and talking. We appreciate that grace. Because we'll offer the same grace to you, but because Christ offered that grace to us. Amen. But the the bottom line for me that I take away from this is the less I strive, the more I thrive. Really, less is best in the kingdom of God. Less of me, more of him. Humility, man. That's right. Cash your cares on him, he'll lift you up. Humble yourself before the Lord, and he'll do what? He'll lift you up. It's kingdom principles, baby. Let's go. Let's go. Hey friends, thank you so much for joining us on today's conversation. We're really looking forward to next week's. But until then, we hope you have a great week. Stay safe. We wish God's blessing on all of you. And we look forward to seeing you right here next Monday on Armchair Authentic.